You're Having A Bad Day

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You're Having A Bad Day

You felt it...that was your first clue. Then you experienced something that confirmed the feeling you had previously.

Next, you see the smooth, productive day morphing right in front of you. Your stomach warned you and the headache is knocking at your door.

Here are some more signs you're having a bad day:

1. A black cat crosses your path and drops dead. 
2. A copy of your birth certificate comes in the mail marked null and void. 
3. Airline food starts to taste good. 
4. Everyone avoids you the morning after the company office party. 
5. Everyone is laughing but you. 
6. Everyone loves your driver's license picture. 
7. It costs more to fill up your car than it did to buy it. 
8. It takes you three hours to make minute rice. 
9. Nothing you own is actually paid for. 
10. People give you the senior citizen discount and you're only 37. 
11. People send your wife sympathy cards on your anniversary. 
12. People think you are 40...and you really are. 
13. The bird singing outside your window is a vulture. 
14. The boss chewed you out at work. 
15. The bride's family throws rocks instead of rice. 
16. The City turns your water off just as you need to rinse the shampoo off your head. 
17. The department of biological warfare ask for your stew recipe. 
18. The dry cleaners shrunk your favourite outfit. 
19. The fortune-teller charges you half price. 
20. The gypsy fortune-teller offers to refund your money. 
21. The health inspector condemns your office coffee maker. 
22. The house is messy again before you can finish cleaning. 
23. The little league puts you on waivers. 
24. The moths in your money belt starve to death. 
25. The movie you rented and couldn’t wait to see was left out of the case. 
26. The pest exterminator crawls under your house and never comes out. 
27. The plumber floats by on your kitchen table. 
28. The power is out and you go on to work never hearing it was cancelled on TV. 
29. The restaurant check has been on the table for ten minutes...and no one has touched it. 
30. The worst player on the golf course wants to play you for money. 
31. Uninvited guests showed up at dinnertime. 
32. When you show up at your family reunion, your mom says, “you aren't wearing that to your dad's funeral are you?" 
33. You are pigging out at McDonald's by yourself and the manager orders the numbers on the sign outside changed. 
34. You call suicide prevention and they put you on hold. 
35. You call your answering service and they tell you it's none of your 
36. You call your wife and tell her that you would like to eat out tonight and when you get home, there is a sandwich on the front porch.
37. You can't afford to drive your new car. 
38. You compliment the boss's wife on her unusual perfume and she isn't wearing any. 
39. You discover that your 12-year-old's idea of humour is putting crazy glue in your Preparation H. 
40. You feel like you have a hangover and you weren’t even drinking last night. 
41. You find a note on the table instead of supper. 
42. You find the melted ice cream all over the bar because you forgot to put it back into the freezer. 
43. You find your sons GI Joe doll dressed in drag. 
44. You Find Yourself Sitting At The End Of The Road Waiting For The Stop Sign To Turn Green.
45. You get to work and find a "60 Minutes" news team waiting in your office. 
46. You go on your honeymoon to a remote little hotel and the desk clerk, bell hop, and manager have a "Welcome Back" party for your new spouse. 
47. You got caught in the rain at lunchtime. 
48. You have an appointment in five minutes, and you just woke up. 
49. You have to borrow from your VISA to pay off your MASTERCARD. 
50. You have to hitch hike to the bank to make your car payment. 
51. You have to sit down to brush your teeth in the morning. 
52. You hear the alarm clock ring, realize you had set it wrong and lose precious moments of zzz.
53. You invite the peeping Tom in...And he says no. 
54. You learn your boss has changed the schedule and you are now going to lose your deposit. 
55. You look out the window of the airplane and the Goodyear Blimp is gaining on you. 
56. You need one bathroom scale for each foot. 
57. You pulled a muscle when you tried to exercise. 
58. You Push The Coke Button And A Pepsi Comes Out.
59. You put both contact lenses in the same eye. 
60. You put your bra on backwards and it fits better. 
61. You put your bra on your husband and it fits better on him. 
62. You realize that the phone number on the bathroom wall of the bar is yours. 
63. You realize that you have memorized the back of your cereal box. 
64. You realize that you just sprayed spot remover under your arms instead of deodorant. 
65. You realize the checkout girl left an expensive item you purchased on the counter. 
66. You receive a 150-page instruction booklet on how to save money...from the electric company. 
67. You see your stockbroker hitchhiking out of town. 
68. You see your wife and your girlfriend having lunch together. 
69. You show up for a job and your horns are in another case an hour away. 
70. You step on the talking scales and it says, “One at a time please.” 
71. You take longer to get over sex than you did to have it. 
72. You take ½ day vacation and find out your appointment is tomorrow. 
73. You think you're coming down with the flu.
74. You thought it was a little gas then…surprise…your pants are moist. 
75. You turn on the evening news and they are showing emergency routes out of the city. 
76. You wait on the service customer rep 30 minutes to find out you didn’t have your account number handy. 
77. You wake up and your braces are stuck together. 
78. You wake up face down on the pavement. 
79. You wake up to the soothing sound of running water...and remember that you just bought a waterbed. 
80. You Walk Into The Cafeteria And See A Septic Pumper Outside The Window.
81. You walk to work and find your dress is stuck in the back of your pantyhose. 
82. Your 4-year-old tells you that it's almost impossible to flush a grapefruit down the toilet. 
83. Your aunt Maddie, who has two poodles and a chihuahua, tells you that her doctor just recommended plenty of rest in a warm, dry climate...and you live in Arizona. 
84. Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles. 
85. Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife/ex-husband. 
86. Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat. 
87. Your car payment, house payment, and girlfriend are three months overdue. 
88. Your cat abandons the nice box you prepared for her and has her kittens in your dresser drawer. 
89. Your children's school calls to surrender. 
90. Your computer quits one day over its warranty. 
91. Your doctor tells you that you are allergic to chocolate chip cookies. 
92. Your get one free coupon ended yesterday. 
93. Your horn sticks on the freeway behind 32 Hell's Angels. 
94. Your husband secretly wears your bra and enjoys it. 
95. Your income tax refund check bounces. 
96. Your kids start treating you the same way you treated your parents. 
97. Your mother approves of the person you are dating.
98. Your new lover calls to tell you "Last night was terrific." And you remember that you were home by yourself. 
99. Your pacemaker has only a thirty-day guarantee. 
100. Your plants do better when you don't talk to them. 
101. Your secretary tells you the FBI is on line 1, the DA is on line 2, and CBS is on line 3. 
102. Your suggestion box starts ticking. 
103. Your twin sister forgets your birthday. 
104. Your wife is sitting on the stove holding a picket sign. 
105. Your wife says, "Good morning, Bill" and your name is George. 
106. Your wife starts charging you rent. 
107. Your wife takes the dog on vacation and leaves you at the kennels. 
108. Your wife tapes your picture to the dartboard. 
109. Your wife wakes up feeling amorous and you have a headache. 
110. Your wife wraps your lunch in a road map. 
111. You’re running late and you find out your battery is dead. 
112. You're so bored you play hide & seek alone. 
113. You’re the only one who thought the invitation said casual. 
114. You've been at work 3 hours before you notice that your fly is open.