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uk666 last won the day on November 1

uk666 had the most liked content!

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About uk666

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    Senior Member

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    Hole of Horcum
  • Interests
    Video gaming
    Model building
    Martial arts

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  1. uk666

    Cornish Farmer

    Cornish Farmer Dennis Penberthy, an elderly Cornish farmer, received a letter from the Department for Work & Pensions, stating that they suspected he was not paying his employees enough and they would send an inspector to interview them. On the appointed day, the inspector turned up. "Tell me about your staff," he asked Penberthy. "Well," said Penberthy, "there's the farm hand. I pay him £240 a week, and he has a free cottage. Then there's the housekeeper. She gets £190 a week, along with free board and lodging. There's also the half-wit. He works a 16-hour day, does 90% of the work, earns about £25 a week, along with a bottle of gin every week, and, occasionally, gets to sleep with my wife." "That's who I want to talk to," said the inspector, "the half-wit." "That'll be me then," said Penberthy.
  2. How To Call The Police An elderly man was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. He opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked, "Is someone in your house?" He said, "No, but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me!" Then the police dispatcher said, "All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available." George said, "Okay." He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again, "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot and killed them both, the dogs are eating them right now," and he hung up. Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the residence, and caught the burglars red-handed. One of the policemen said to the man, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!" He replied, "I thought you said there was nobody available?"
  3. Did you hear about the artist who paints in jail……He had a brush with the law.
  4. What did the painter say to the wall……One more crack like that and I'll plaster ya.
  5. Did you hear about the attempt robbery at the museum……They had run out of gas a few blocks away when the police caught them, and they said……We didn't have the Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.
  6. Where does a cow hang his paintings……In a mooooseum.
  7. Did you hear about the artist who died……Too many strokes.
  8. Why did Van Gogh become a painter……Because he didn't have an ear for music.
  9. uk666

    Blonde Painter

    Blonde Painter A man was looking for a person to paint her porch, so he hired a young lady and told her what to do. After about 30 minutes, the lady came to the door and said “I’m done.” The man asked “how did you get done so fast?” The lady said “it was hard at first, but it got easier towards the end. And by the way, it’s a Ferrari not a Porsche.”
  10. uk666

    Drive It Safe

    Drive It Safe A man traveling down a country road was forced to stop before a giant puddle covering the entire road. Looking to the side of the road, the man noticed a farmer leaning on a fence. "Think it's safe to cross?" the man asked. "I reckon so," replied the farmer. The puddle immediately swallowed the car as the man drove in. In fact, it was so deep that he had to roll his window down to swim out of his car back to the surface. As his head broke the surface the man said to the farmer, "I thought you said I could safely drive through this puddle!" "Well, shoot!" said the farmer, scratching his head. "It only come up chest-high on my ducks!"
  11. uk666

    Trojan Killer v2

    Possibly the Avast antivirus program, is falsely detect it as malware but to be sure, upload the Trojan Killer programs files from the USB stick to: https://www.virustotal.com/gui/home/upload VirusTotal, a subsidiary of Google, is a free online service that analyzes files and URLs enabling the identification of viruses, worms, trojans and other kinds of malicious content detected by antivirus engines and website scanners. At the same time, it may be used as a means to detect false positives. Try to scan your PC with Malwarebytes. Malwarebytes Free does a good job of wiping out aggressive malware that gets past your regular antivirus. Easily the best malware detection and cleaner up program. The Free version works like a charm. Make sure to go into advanced options and click "scan for rootkits". Malwarebytes free downloads: https://www.malwarebytes.com/mwb-download/ Another tiny program which can be useful in find registry errors or remove particularly tough malware is RogueKiller. Do a search in - CP Download Links Section/Windows Applications. Try online virus scanner, it checks for any type of virus and helps you remove it. ESET’s Free online scanner: https://www.eset.com/uk/home/online-scanner/ I hope this helps, please post if any problems.
  12. What letter can you drink……T (tea)
  13. When are kids most likely to go to school……When the door is open.
  14. Why are kindergarten teachers so good……They can make little things count.