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uk666

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uk666 last won the day on July 9

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About uk666

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    Hole of Horcum
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  1. uk666

    Rush Job Calendar

    Rush Job Calendar M I R F R I F R I F R I T H U W E D T U E 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 15 14 13 12 11 10 9 22 21 20 19 18 17 16 29 28 27 26 25 24 23 36 35 34 33 32 31 30 A humorous business solution to the pressures of our instant world! Notes: This is a special calendar which has been developed for handling rush jobs. All rush jobs are wanted yesterday, consequently all dates run backwards - with this calendar, a client can order their work on the 7th and have it delivered on the 3rd. Everyone wants his job on Friday, so there are three Fridays in every week. There are eight new days at the end of the month for those end-of-the-month jobs. There is no first of the month – so there can’t be late delivery of end-of-the-month jobs on the 1st. A “Blue Monday” or “Monday morning hangover” can’t happen, as all Mondays have been eliminated. There are no bothersome non-productive Saturdays and Sundays. so overtime rates can be kept to a minimum. With no 15th, 30, or 31st, no “time-off” is necessary for cashing salary cheques or paying bills. “MIR DAY” – A special day each week for performing miracles.
  2. Three Astronauts Nasa decided to send 3 astronauts to space for 2 years. One was American, one was Russian and the other was English. NASA allowed each of them to take 200 pounds of baggage each. The American decided to take along his wife. The Englishman decided to take along books to learn how to speak German. The Russian decided to take along cigarettes. Two years later, when the space shuttle landed, there was a big crowd waiting to welcome them home. First came the American and his wife and each of them had a baby in their arms. Next came the Englishman speaking fluent German. They both gave their speeches and got a rousing round of applause. Suddenly, out came the Russian with a cigarette in his mouth. He walked up to the podium, snarled at the crowd, and asked: "Has anyone got a f*** match?"
  3. uk666

    Interdict

    Interdict I got out of my time machine in the Middle Ages. Everyone was just walking around downcast with gloomy faces and not saying a word. I finally asked someone, "What's going on?" And he replied, "Oh, King John is feuding with the Church, so the entire country has been placed under the Interdict.... no church services, no celebrations, no socializing, no sports..." "hell," I replied: "We also have it, but it is 800 years in the future... We're going through the exact same thing right now as the establishment wants to punish us for voting for Trump, Boris, and Brexit."
  4. What size wood was used to build the Ark……2 by 2.
  5. I know they say that money talk……But all mine says is ‘Goodbye.’
  6. My cat just asked me, if I want the radio leaving on while he goes out.
  7. 2019: work hard at school or you'll end up packing shelves for a living……2020: most secure job in the country, packing shelves.
  8. What do you get when you cross a karate expert with a pig……A porkchop.
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