Hilarious Quotes About Women

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Hilarious Quotes About Women

There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works. 
- Will Rogers

Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make men stupid.
- Dave Barry

The only reason I'd ever get a sex change operation is to see what it's like to be right all the time.
- Brian ‏@JustASmirk

Women have more imagination than men. They need it to tell us how wonderful we are.
- Arnold H. Glasow

The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
- Milton Berle

When my wife says she'll be ready in 5 minutes, I know I have just enough time to fly to space and write a poem on the moon before we go.
- Mike Vanatta

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes, she's a tramp.
- Joan Rivers

The secret to winning an argument with a woman: They have to be dead.
- John Betz, Jr.

All pretty girls are a trap, a pretty trap, and men expect them to be.
- Tennessee Williams

Women are like diesel engines. And what I mean by that is it may take a little while to get 'em warmed up, but once you do, they can run a long, long time. Whereas, men, on the other hand, men are more like bottle rockets.
- Jeff Foxworthy

Men are simpler than you imagine my sweet child. But what goes on in the twisted, tortuous minds of women would baffle anyone.
- Daphne du Maurier

Feminine intuition is a fiction and a fraud. It is nonsensical, illogical, emotional, ridiculous, and practically foolproof.
- Harry Haenigsen

To a smart girl men are no problem - they're the answer.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

America is a land where men govern, but women rule.
- John Mason Brown

There are a number of mechanical devices, which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.
- P. J. O'Rourke 

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
- Chris Rock 

Most women set out to try to change a man, and when they have changed him they do not like him.
- Marlene Dietrich

I do not believe in using women in combat, because females are too fierce.
- Margaret Mead

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
- Groucho Marx

There is no female Mozart because there is no female Jack the Ripper.
- Camille Paglia

If a woman watches a movie alone, who answers all of her questions?
- Rock ‏@TheMichaelRock 

What counts is not how many animals were killed to make the fur, but how many animals the woman had to sleep with to get the fur.
- Angela LaGreca

I went out with a promiscuous impressionist. She did everybody. 
- Jay London

God is the best inventor ever. He took a rib from a man and created a loudspeaker.
- Anonymous

The women's movement hasn't changed my sex life. It wouldn't dare.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand. 
- Benny Hill

If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?
- Billy Connolly

All men are convinced that all women suffer from Attention-To-Their-Appearance Deficit Disorder.
- Anonymous

Being a woman is a terribly difficult task since it consists principally in dealing with men.
- Joseph Conrad

Women should be obscene and not heard.
- Groucho Marx