A To Z Of Ex-Boyfriends

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A To Z Of Ex-Boyfriends

A is for ASSHOLE. You know, that word I shout at him as I drive by.

B is for Bitter. Who, me?? No way. I really hope things between them do work out. I can't think of two better losers to get off the streets.

C is for Call ya later. He won't. He never has before.

C is also for competing. "I feel worse than you do, you can shovel the walk."

D is for Dumped. Does D need to be explained?

E is for Eating like a pig. God, does he always have to know what the bottom of the bowl looks like?

F is for foreplay. Yes, I know he doesn't know what it is, that's why it's on the list.

F is for forgetting my birthday. You jerk.

G is for Guys. Who he was supposedly out with, and also who wears perfume like mine.

H is for Horny. He always is, except when I am.

I stands for ignorant. Slobbering jerk.

J stands for jerk off. Yes, that's what he can do tonight, because I won't do it for him.

K stands for kiss. Something he can't do without slobbering down his tongue and on my face.

L is for Love. It's a great euphoric feeling that exists somewhere in fantasy land.

M stands for Mephistophiles. That is who he imitates.

N stands for No. A word he never seems to understand.

O is for "Oh, was it your birthday last week?"

P is for pee. What he does out in public in the front yard because he forgot when he walked past the bathroom.

Q is for quote. "My birthday is next Thursday," unquote. (See F and O)

R is for reminding. Because I have to remind him of all holidays, birthdays and anniversaries.

S stands for stood up. Something he thinks I will forget about.

S is also or sex. Something he won't get later because I remember the previous S.

T is for torture. Where do I start?

U is for Understatement. Saying you hate that f*cking a*shole is an understatement.

V is for vermin. --Most of his family.

W stands for whine. Need I say more.

X is for ex. The one he never shuts up about.

Y stands for younger. And wishing he was.

Z (I know where z is) Z stands for zip. That's what I got from him.