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Redneck one liners

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You Must Be A Redneck If ...

 

* You recycle your own toilet paper

 

* Your mom has to shave more times a month than your dad

 

* You see a bill board that says "Don't do crack" and it reminds you to pull up your pants.

 

* You stare at a carton of orange juice because it says "concentrate."

 

* Your bumper sticker reads: "One more Whore and We Get Gore."

 

* The nativity scene you set up in your yard at Christmas includes two pink flamingos and baby Jesus lying in a painted tire.

 

* Most of your teeth are on a chain around your neck.

 

* You hunt from your bedroom window.

 

* Your dad walks you to school because you're in the same grade.

 

* You refrigerate your food stamps.

 

* You use a 10 penny nail to pick your teeth after a night of road kill.

 

* You have ever dressed your child as a "Snot-rag" for Halloween.

 

* Your idea of a loaded dishwasher is getting your wife drunk.

 

* You and your spouse get divorced and you are still relatives.

 

* You go to your local ice cream store and order Copenhagen "sprinkles" on your cone.

 

* You know instinctively that red wine goes with opossum.

 

* You're always looking to find your Mother-in-Law's picture on the back of a milk carton!

 

* The officer that just pulled you over asks if "you have any I.D."..and you respond "About whut?"

 

* You take a beer to a job interview.

 

* You are caught roll'n your trailer down the street to jump start the heater.

 

* When you finish eatin' your bologna you use the rind for dental floss.

 

* You go to Goodwill to meet women.

 

* You and your friends are putting an engine in a pickup, drinking beer, and the conversation is: Which county jail has the best food!

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