The facts about Chuck Norris

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The facts about Chuck Norris

 

 

• Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
  
• Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
  
• Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
  
• When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
  
• Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
  
• They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
  
• There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
  
• In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
  
• The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed misserably.
  
• Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.
  
• If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
  
• When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
  
• If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down
  
• Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
  
• Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
  
• Chuck Norris doesn't worry about changing his clock twice a year for daylight savings time. The sun rises and sets when Chuck tells it to
  
• Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.
  
• Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.
  
• Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There we no survivors.
  
• Chuck Norris can piss into gale force winds.
  
• There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
  
• Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.
  
• Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.
  
• Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
  
• Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.