littlebit

Everybody is laughing,but I don't get the joke!! Please explain!

Woo hoo!!! Thanks for this dude!!!

So why did the farmer shoot Chuck??

Damn awesome,..thanks dude!!!

That's a good way to get the old man off his back!

I don't get it !!

I wanna work for the TSA !!!

Environment Canada has issued a travel warning due to snowfall and bad road conditions. They suggest that anyone traveling in the current icy conditions should ensure they have the following: Shovel Blankets or sleeping bag Extra clothing including hat and gloves 24 hours worth of food De-Icer Rock Salt Flashlight with spare batteries Road Flares or Reflective Triangles Full gas can First Aid Kit Booster cables I looked like a _f***in' idiot on the bus this morning!

NEVER WAX YOUR HOO-HA Better read this one when you're alone for you'll have to explain why you're laughing so much! All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax. Read on...... My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet. So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those 'cold wax' kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!) So I pull one of the thin strips out. It's two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ('Cold wax', yeah..right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire. With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip). I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!! I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!! Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPPPPP! Everything is spinning and spotted. I think I may pass out.....must stay conscious...must stay conscious. Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal. I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX??? Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip...it's not! I touch. I am touching wax. I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake... remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down. Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut! I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself 'Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!' What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand, into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right??? *WRONG!!!!!!!* I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture Prisoners Of War or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub....in scalding hot water... Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax. So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom! I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter.... 'So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!' There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, 'Are we talking cheeks or hoo-ha?' She's laughing out loud by now ... I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night. While we go through various solutions, I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event. My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. IT WORKS!! It works!! I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair... THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT! So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point. Next week I'm going to try hair color.....

Yeah,..was in tears myself after reading this one!

I'd hate to see what he does for an "encore"!

Hi all! I'm looking for this software,ARAS 360 HD 2.1.0.3,but with a [putlocker.com] links because I don't have any premium accounts and putlocker is free and has resumeable with jDownloader! The fact that I have a sucky internet connection,..I'll need all the help that I can get! The software has been posted here,but I can't get it! http://www.cyberphoenix.org/forum/topic/214259-aras-360-hd-2103/ So if anyone could be kind enough to help me out in acquiring this software,I would be ever so grateful!

Screw,..Twist,...what's the difference,...the outcome is the same!

IUD comes with a beeper ?? !

You lunatic,..I can't see cus i'm in tears from laughing!!!

Ahahahahahahahahaha

Sitting together on a train, traveling through the Canadian Rockies, were a fellow from Alberta , a fellow from Quebec , a little old Greek lady, and a young blonde girl with large breasts. The train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the sound of a loud slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the fellow from Quebec has a bright red hand print on his cheek. No one speaks. The little old Greek lady thinks: The fellow from Quebec must have groped the blonde in the dark and she slapped his cheek. The blonde girl thinks: That fellow from Quebec must have tried to grope me in the dark, but missed and fondled the old lady and she slapped his cheek. The fellow from Quebec thinks: That fellow from Alberta must have groped the blonde in the dark. She tried to slap him but missed and got me instead. The fellow from Alberta thinks: I can't wait for another tunnel, just so I can smack that guy from Quebec again.

F@ck me gently,...ya better run kid! LMAO!!!

I don't think my mind was in the right place for this joke!

I just don't get the elephants-in-the-fridge jokes!

Beer and Viagra don't mix!

Well, he sure-as-hell, got his point across to settle the difference!

The Irish Cop... A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by an Irish cop. He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON and is certain that he has a better education then any Jock cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Irish cop's expense! Irish cop says, "License and registration, please." London Lawyer says, "What for?" Irish cop says, "Ye didnae come to a complete stop at the stop sign." London Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming." Irish cop says, "Ye still didnae come to a complete stop. License and registration,please" London Lawyer says, "What's the difference?" Irish cop says, "The difference is, ye huvte come to complete stop, that's the law. License and registration please!" London Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket." Irish cop says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir." The London Lawyer exits his vehicle. The Irish cop takes out his baton and starts beating the living shit out of the lawyer and says, "Daeye want me to stop, or just slow doon?"

I guess da wife didn't see the golf ball !! LMAO!!!

Yeah,and it costs us less in laundry !!!