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bmo

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Everything posted by bmo

  1. True story! A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again decided to leave a note saying, "I've had enough and left you, don't bother coming after me" and hid under the bed to see his reaction. After a short while the husband comes home and she could hear him in the kitchen before he comes into the bedroom, she could see him walking towards the dresser and pick up the note. After a few minutes he wrote something on it before picking up the phone and calling someone; - "she's finally gone...yeah, I know, about bloody time, I'm coming to pick you up, put on the sexy French shit, I love you". He hung up, grabbed his keys and left. She heard the car drive off as she came out from under the bed, seething with rage and with tears in her eyes she grabbed the note to see what he wrote; "I can see your feet. Stop being retarded, we're outta bread, throw the kettle on, back in 5 minutes”
  2. bmo

    Terrified Cabbie

    That's why I always talk to my drivers...
  3. bmo

    Flat Tummy

    Hurricane in that house soon...
  4. bmo

    For the Guys

    Might be good for those born before 1960 but kids of today would call someone a PU**Y if they used them..
  5. Now I know more stuff...
  6. bmo

    Parked Car In The Garage

    Gave it to the boss there...
  7. bmo

    Italian Trip

    She got him there...
  8. History of The Way We Lived In the Old Old Days... They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families used to all pee in a pot. Once a day, it was taken and sold to the tannery. If you had to do this to survive, you were, ‘piss poor.’ But, worse than that were the really poor folks who couldn’t even afford to buy a pot. They ‘didn’t have a pot to piss in’ and were considered the lowest of the low. Most people were married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and they still smelled pretty good by June. However, since they were starting to smell, brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence, the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married. Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women, and finally the children. Last of all the babies... By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence, the saying, ‘ Don’t throw out the baby with the bath water ! ’ Houses had thatched roofs with thick straw, piled high... It was the only place for animals to keep warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained, it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying, ‘It’s raining cats and dogs.’ There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That’s how canopy beds came into existence. The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the term, ‘dirt poor.’ The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on the floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance-way. Hence, ‘a thresh-hold.’ In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day, they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes, stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while! Hence the rhyme, ‘Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot, nine days old.’ Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off ! It was a sign of wealth that a man could ‘bring home the bacon.’ They would cut off a little to share with guests, and would all sit around and ‘chew the fat.’ Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so, for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous. Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the ‘upper crust.’ Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence, the custom of ‘holding a wake.’ In old, small villages, local folks started running out of places to bury the deceased. So, they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside, and they realized they had been burying people alive. So, they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (‘the graveyard shift’) to listen for the bell. Thus, someone could be ‘saved by the bell,’ or was considered a ‘dead ringer.’ Now, You know more Stuff..! !
  9. bmo

    I Love You…

    Smart guy... wish I could have used that one...
  10. bmo

    Hunting Flies

    Smart fellow...
  11. bmo

    Saddles

    Yup very happy Indian...
  12. bmo

    Ageing and Erections

    That was Funny..
  13. bmo

    Canada Cowboy

    Does he only get used once..???
  14. bmo

    Persistent kid

    Kids know stuff... grin...
  15. bmo

    Final Exam

    Smart Professor...
  16. bmo

    The Nude Beach

    I can imagine that in pictures... Ha Ha...
  17. "Why I got out of the computer support business"... Tech support: What kind of computer do you have? Customer: A white one... Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on the left of the screen. Customer: Your left or my left? ************************ Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha. I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'can’t find printer’. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says it can't find it.. ************************* Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore. Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer? Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer. Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back. Customer: OK Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you? Customer: Yes Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. ************************* Customer: I can't get on the Internet. Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password? Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it. Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was? Customer: Five dots. ************************* Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use? Customer: Netscape. Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program. Customer: Oh, sorry... Internet Explorer.. ************************* Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears. ************************* Tech support: How may I help you? Customer: I'm writing my first email. Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem? Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the little circle around it? ************************* This one and the next are our personal favorites! A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. Tech support: Are you running it under windows? Customer: 'No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.' ************************ And last but not least! Tech support: 'Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager.' Customer: I don't have a P. Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob. Customer: What do you mean? Tech support: 'P'.....on your keyboard, Bob. Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT.
  18. bmo

    4 Letter Words

    Betcha he's gonna be pissed...
  19. bmo

    Birthday Suit

    Funny funny...
  20. bmo

    Bee Stung

    Too focused that guy...
  21. bmo

    A hell of a day

    Ouch again...
  22. bmo

    Fishing

    Karma...
  23. bmo

    Widowhood

    Evil Woman...
  24. bmo

    Breaking News

    Too Funny...
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