bmo

Apparently anti-mosquito sprays cause hallucinations? I didn't believe it at first until a mosquito told me about it. I went to see the Red Arrows last weekend. There was near miss after near miss, screams of "oooooohhh" and "aaaaaaahhhhh" But eventually my wife managed to park the car and we saw the show. I think I know why I keep getting called a panda on here, I've just heard my girlfriend discussing me with her mother, she said, "All he ever does is eats, shoots and leaves. " New health food restaurant just opened in Glasgow. "I Can't Believe It's Not Battered" I saw this girl crying in the pub so I went up to her and asked what was wrong. "I split up with my boyfriend because he's a sexist pig." "I'm a great listener if you want to tell me more." I replied. "But you don't even know me," She cried, "why would you want to listen to me?" "Because you have massive tits." I went into a library today & asked if they had any books on shelves..........? Tonight is a very special night for all of you astronomers. Go out to your back garden with a mirror and face south. Hold the mirror between your legs and bend over at an angle of ninety degrees. Then align the mirror so that it is diagonal, with the back facing the ground. Look into the mirror, and with a bit of luck, you should see Uranus. Just been to get a loaf of bread at a cost of £1.03p and gave the grumpy looking girl at the till a £20 note. She said "have you got anything smaller as that would take all my change." I said "no sorry but I can pay on card if that helps?" She sarcastically said " of course it would help" So as a presented my card she said "Cash back?" I said "Yes please!" "How much?" She asked I said "£18.97" Paddy took 2 stuffed dogs to the Antiques Roadshow. The presenter said, "This is a very rare set, produced by the celebrated Johns Brothers taxidermists who operated in London at the turn of the last century. Do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were in good condition?" "Sticks!" Paddy replied The seven dwarfs always left early each morning to go to work in the mine. As always, Snow White stayed home doing her domestic chores. As lunchtime approached, she would prepare their lunches and take them to the mine. One day as she arrived at the mine with the lunches, she saw that there had been a terrible cave-in. Tearfully, and fearing the worst, Snow White began calling out, hoping against hope that the dwarfs had somehow survived. "Hello. Hello!" she shouted. "Can anyone hear me? Hello!" For a long while, there was no answer. Losing hope, Snow White again shouted, "Hello! is anyone down there?" Just as she was about to give up all hope, she heard a faint voice from deep within the mine, "VOTE FOR Jeremy Corbyn!" Snow White fell to her knees and prayed, Oh, thank you, God! At least Dopey is still alive! As a child: 'You are grounded. ' As an adult: 'Your package will be delivered between 8 am and 6 pm. ' My mate went to get a tattoo of an Indian on his back. Half way through he said, "Don't forget to put a big tomahawk in his hand." The tattooist said "For **** sake, give us a chance mate, I've only just finished his turban!" "This next song is about subtraction." "Take it away boys." A pirate went to see the doctor about the moles on his back. "I wouldn't worry about it," said the doctor, "They're benign." "Count 'em again doc," said the pirate, "You'll find there be ten."

Great lesson - he'll be there one day...

Tell me about it...

Another mystery solved... Ya always gotta be curious...

Tough Lady...

Sister Mary's Gasoline Sister Mary, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting home-bound patients when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, a Texaco Gasoline station was just a block away. She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned. Since Sister Mary Ann was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car. She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her car. As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Baptists watched from across the street.. One of them turned to the other and said, " If it starts, I'm turning Catholic ! ! "

Muphy's Law strikes again....

More eveil from a woman...

Evil does lurk in the minds of women...

Great Gift....

Some women live up to their perceived image huh...

Pay up time for Roger...

I can Picture that...

Reality stikes home... Grin...

Bar her for lifw I say...

He needs a blue diamond - me thinks...

Maybe - "you're next" he can say..??

What country were they in...??

Would have been my answer also..

And the fun begins...

Is she Blonde..?

I like the way he thinks.. woo woo...

Shutting Down Doesn’t Fully Shut Down Windows 10 - But Restarting Does... When you click “Shut Down” on your Windows 10 PC, Windows doesn’t fully shut down. It hibernates the kernel, saving its state so it can boot faster. If you’re experiencing computer problems and need to reset that state, you’ll need to restart your PC instead. We’ve personally experienced this problem ourselves. When faced with weird system problems that may be caused by a buggy driver or other low-level software issues, the problem persisted after shutting down our PC and booting it back up. Why Doesn’t the “Shut Down” Option Fully Shut Down? This weirdness is all thanks to Windows 10’s “Fast Startup” feature, which is enabled by default. This feature was introduced in Windows 8, and has also been called Fast Boot and Hybrid Boot or Hybrid Shutdown. RELATED: The Pros and Cons of Windows 10’s “Fast Startup” Mode In the traditional shutdown process, Windows fully shuts down everything, discards the running system state, and starts up from scratch the next time the PC boots. When you hibernate, Windows saves the entire system state, including all your open programs and files, to disk so you can quickly resume from where you left off. Fast Startup mixes the traditional shutdown process with hibernation. With Fast Startup enabled, Windows 10 discards all your open programs and files (as it would during a traditional shutdown), but saves the state of the Windows kernel to disk (as it would during hibernation). The next time you boot your PC, Windows restores the kernel and starts up the rest of the system. The kernel is the low-level core program at the heart of the operating system. It has full control over your computer and is one of the first things loaded during the boot process. The hardware drivers that your computer uses to interact with its hardware devices are part of the kernel. Loading a snapshot of the kernel speeds up the startup process, as Windows doesn’t have to take time to load all the device drivers and reinitialize your hardware devices. This kernel hibernation process all happens automatically when you click “Shut Down,” and people will rarely notice the difference. But it means that if a hardware driver in your kernel is stuck in a weird state, shutting down your PC and then booting it back up again won’t fix the problem. Windows saves the current state and restores it instead of reinitializing everything. How to Perform a Full Shut Down and Restart If you’re troubleshooting system problems, you’ll want to perform a full shut down of the kernel to ensure Windows reinitializes things from scratch. To do this, just click the “Restart” option in the menu instead of the “Shut Down” option. Windows restarts your computer, but it performs a full shut down first and discards the state of the kernel while doing so. RELATED: Why Does Rebooting a Computer Fix So Many Problems? micr0$0ft made this decision because people experiencing problems often reboot their computers to fix them, so it makes some sense. On the other hand, it’s counterintuitive that the “Restart” option performs a more complete shut down than the “Shut Down” option. But that’s how it works! Why Doesn’t the “Shut Down” Option Fully Shut Down? This weirdness is all thanks to Windows 10’s “Fast Startup” feature, which is enabled by default. This feature was introduced in Windows 8, and has also been called Fast Boot and Hybrid Boot or Hybrid Shutdown. In the traditional shutdown process, Windows fully shuts down everything, discards the running system state, and starts up from scratch the next time the PC boots. When you hibernate, Windows saves the entire system state, including all your open programs and files, to disk so you can quickly resume from where you left off. Fast Startup mixes the traditional shutdown process with hibernation. With Fast Startup enabled, Windows 10 discards all your open programs and files (as it would during a traditional shutdown), but saves the state of the Windows kernel to disk (as it would during hibernation). The next time you boot your PC, Windows restores the kernel and starts up the rest of the system. The kernel is the low-level core program at the heart of the operating system. It has full control over your computer and is one of the first things loaded during the boot process. The hardware drivers that your computer uses to interact with its hardware devices are part of the kernel. Loading a snapshot of the kernel speeds up the startup process, as Windows doesn’t have to take time to load all the device drivers and reinitialize your hardware devices. This kernel hibernation process all happens automatically when you click “Shut Down,” and people will rarely notice the difference. But it means that if a hardware driver in your kernel is stuck in a weird state, shutting down your PC and then booting it back up again won’t fix the problem. Windows saves the current state and restores it instead of reinitializing everything.

Young people need more lessens like this...