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bmo

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Posts posted by bmo


  1. 1. Law of Mechanical Repair -
    After your hands become coated withgrease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

    2.Law of Gravity -
    Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.

    3.Law of Probability -
    The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

    4.Law of Random Numbers -
    If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers.

    5.Variation Law -
    If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.

    5.Law of the Bath -
    When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone will ring.

    6.Law of Close Encounters -
    The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

    7.Law of the Result -
    When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!!

    8.Law of Biomechanics -
    The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

    9. The Coffee Law -
    As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

    10.Murphy's Law of Lockers -
    If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

    11. Law of Physical Surfaces -
    The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

    12. Law of Logical Argument -
    Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about.

    13. Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy -
    As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it OR the store will stop selling it!


  2. A.A.A.D.D. - KNOW THE SYMPTOMS..!

    Thank GOD there's a name for this disorder.

    Age-Activated Attention Deficit Disorder

    This is how it manifests:

    I decide to water my garden.
    As I turn on the hose in the driveway,
    I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.

    As I start toward the garage,
    I notice mail on the porch table that
    I brought up from the mail box earlier.

    I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

    I lay my car keys on the table,
    Put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table,
    And notice that the can is full.

    So, I decide to put the bills back
    On the table and take out the garbage first...

    But then I think,
    Since I'm going to be near the mailbox
    When I take out the garbage anyway,
    I may as well pay the bills first.

    I take my check book off the table,
    And see that there is only one check left.
    My extra checks are in my desk in the study,
    So I go inside the house to my desk where
    I find the can of Diet Coke I'd been drinking.

    I'm going to look for my checks,
    But first I need to push the Diet Coke aside
    So that I don't accidentally knock it over.

    The Diet Coke is getting warm,
    And I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

    As I head toward the kitchen with the Diet Coke,
    A vase of flowers on the counter
    Catches my eye--they need water.

    I put the Diet Coke on the counter and
    Discover my reading glasses that
    I've been searching for all morning.
    I decide I better put them back on my desk,
    But first I'm going to water the flowers.

    I set the glasses back down on the counter ,
    Fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote.
    Someone left it on the kitchen table.

    I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV,
    I'll be looking for the remote,
    But I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table,
    So I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs,
    But first I'll water the flowers.

    I pour some water in the flowers,
    But quite a bit of it spills on the floor.

    So, I set the remote back on the table,
    Get some towels and wipe up the spill.

    Then, I head down the hall trying to
    Remember what I was planning to do.

    At the end of the day:
    The car isn't washed,
    The bills aren't paid,
    There is a warm can of
    Diet Coke sitting on the counter,

    The flowers don't have enough water,
    There is still only 1 check in my check book,
    I can't find the remote,
    I can't find my glasses,
    And I don't remember what I did with the car keys.

    Then, when I try to figure out why
    nothing got done today,
    I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day,
    And I'm really tired.

    I realize this is a serious problem,
    And I'll try to get some help for it, but
    first I'll check my e-mail..

    Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet,
    your day is coming!

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