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bmo

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Posts posted by bmo

  3. Posted · Report reply

    Revisting the 60s Hit Titles Today

    Many of the artists of the 60's are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers who can remember doing the "mashed potato" as if it were yesterday.  They include:

    Bobby Darin --- Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' A Flash

    Herman's Hermits --- Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker

    Ringo Starr --- I Get By With A Little Help From Depends

    The Bee Gees --- How Can You Mend A Broken Hip

    Roberta Flack--- The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face

    Johnny Nash --- I Can't See Clearly Now

    Paul Simon --- Fifty Ways To Lose Your Liver

    The Commodores --- Once, Twice, Three Times To The Bathroom

    Procol Harem --- A Whiter Shade Of Hair ?

    Leo Sayer --- You Make Me Feel Like Napping

    The Temptations --- Papa's Got A Kidney Stone

    Abba --- Denture Queen
    "You haven't seen my teeth have you Wilma?"

    Tony Orlando --- Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall

    Helen Reddy --- I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore

    Leslie Gore --- It's My Body, and I'll Cry If I Want To

    And Last but NOT least...

    Willie Nelson --- On the Commode Again

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  19. Posted · Report reply

    One [ or Two ] Liners...


    Got an e-mail today from a "bored housewife 32, looking for some action!" I've sent her my ironing.   

    The wife's been hinting she wants something black and lacy for her birthday.
    So I've got her a pair of football boots!

    Growing up with a dyslexic father had its advantages.
    Whenever he caught me swearing, he used to wash my mouth out with soup!

    My wife asked if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked the dinner, so I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm!

    My wife apologised for the first time ever today.
    She said she's sorry she ever married me!

    Does anyone know how long you cook these "boil in the bag fish" that you win at the fun fair?

    My wife said I needed to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car, burnt the dinner and ignored her all day for no reason!

    Scientists have discovered a certain food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90 percent.
    It's called wedding cake!

    Things turned really ugly at my house last night. The wife removed her makeup!

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