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first-Ever Image Of A Black Hole Scientists used a global network of telescopes to see and capture the first-ever picture of a black hole, according to an announcement by researchers at the National Science Foundation Wednesday morning. They captured an image of the supermassive black hole and its shadow at the centre of a galaxy known as M87. This is the first direct visual evidence that black holes exist, the researchers said. In the image, a central dark region is encapsulated by a ring of light that looks brighter on one side. The massive galaxy, called Messier 87 or M87, is near the Virgo galaxy cluster 55 million light-years from Earth. The supermassive black hole has a mass that is 6.5 billion times that of our sun. "We have seen what we thought was unseeable," said Sheperd Doeleman, director of the Event Horizon Telescope Collaboration. "We have seen and taken a picture of a black hole." This is the first direct visual evidence that black holes exist, the researchers said. In the image, a central dark region is encapsulated by a ring of light that looks brighter on one side. Though the telescopic data was gathered two years ago, completing the image took time due to the massive undertaking of delivering hundreds of terabytes of data - too much information to travel on the internet - worldwide by plane. "We have achieved something presumed to be impossible just a generation ago," astrophysicist Sheperd Doeleman, director of the EHT at the Centre for Astrophysics, Harvard & Smithsonian said. Iconic physicist Albert Einstein first theorised the existence of black holes in his 1915 theory of general relativity but thought the idea was too outlandish to exist in reality. Since then, the confounding entities have been studied by scientists around the world, including most prominently, by the late British theoretical physicist Stephen Hawking. David Sobral, an astrophysicist at Lancaster University, said that imaging the supermassive black hole was an "enormous achievement" for humankind. "It completely confirms our idea that black holes really do exist and now the next step is we can start doing physics with it. We can really start to test the predictions and perhaps learn something new," he said. Unlike smaller black holes that come from collapsed stars, supermassive black holes like the one in the image released on Wednesday are mysterious in origin. Situated at the centre of most galaxies, they are so dense that nothing, not even light, can escape their gravitational pull. NASA described the image as a "historic feat" in a Twitter post, while scientists not involved in the EHT have suggested the achievement could be worthy of a Nobel Prize.

Emergency Room Talk A Doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.' 'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'but she's a great cook and really good with the kids.'

The Will Doug Smith is on his deathbed and he knows the end is near. His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him. He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready, he begins to speak: My son, "Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses." My daughter "Sybil, you take the apartments over in the east end." My son, "Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the City Centre." "Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the banks of the river." The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realise his extensive holdings, and as Doug slips away, the nurse says. "Mrs. Smith, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property". Sarah replies: "Property?”. "He had a paper round”.

Dog Checkup A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? “Well," says the vet,” let’s have a look at him" So, he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy"

Phyllis Dillerisms... American comedienne and actress who was one of the first female stand-up comics, noted for her zany and raucous personality and self-deprecating humour. Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age. As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance? Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shovelling the sidewalk before it stops snowing. The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public. Best way to get rid of kitchen odours: Eat out. A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once. I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them. Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going. Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed. We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up. Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room. What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day. The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron. His finest hour lasted a minute and a half. Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves. My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me. I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away. Tranquillisers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children. I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.' The reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing. You know you're old, if they have discontinued your blood type.

With great power......Comes great utility bills.

My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me......What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?.

As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said......Y'know, one would have been enough.

Someone was offered mummification as an option for after death.......He declined as he thought it was part of a pyramid scheme.

The Elderly (2) OLD CANNERS never die, they are preserved OLD CARS never die; they just get run into the ground OLD CASHIERS never die; they just check out OLD CHAUFFEURS never die, they just lose their drive OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just do it inorganically OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just fail to react OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just lose their refluxes OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just reach equilibrium OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just smell that way OLD CLEANING PEOPLE never die, they just kick the bucket OLD COMPOSERS never die, they just decompose OLD COMPUTER PEOPLE never die, they just lose their memory OLD COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS never die, they just byte the dust OLD COOKS never die, they just get deranged OLD COURIERS never die, they just keep on EXPRESSing it! OLD CREDIT CARDS never die, they just expire OLD CRICKETERS never die, they just get bowled over OLD CRICKETERS never die, they just get smashed for six OLD DANCERS never die, they just step away OLD DAREDEVILS never die, they just get discouraged OLD DEANS never die, they just lose their faculties OLD DENTISTS never die, they just lose their pull OLD DIETERS never die, they just waist away OLD DIVERS never die, they just extend their bottom time OLD DIVERS never die, they just flop OLD DIVERS never die, they just get board OLD DIVERS never die, they just lose their spring OLD DOCTORS never die, they just lose their patience OLD EDITORS do it with a red pen OLD ELECTRICAL ENGINEERS never die, they just have slower rise times

The guy at the tuxedo store kept hovering around me, so I asked him to leave me alone.......He said, “Fine. Suit yourself.”

I told my son to stop playing Russian roulette, but you know how it is with kids.......In one ear, out the other.

I broke two of my Dad’s Queen records......Now I want to break three.

I was in a liquor store and an employee asked me, “Do you need help?”.......I said, “Yes, but I’m going to get whiskey instead.”

If you aren’t impressed with the picture of the first black hole......You clearly don’t understand the gravity of the situation.

You Work for the Government if..... You work for an acronym, on an acronym, and your job title is an acronym. You can name the project leader of more than 10 projects including your own, but still can't explain in the simplest terms what they do. The process becomes more important than the product. You've sat at the same desk for 3 years, done the same thing for 3 years, but have had 3 different business cards. You don't see anything wrong with attending a meeting on a subject you know nothing about. You feel you contributed to the meeting just by being there. You realize that a paperless office is impossible. Actually, you believe it is possible, just not in your office. You keep documents/manuals on projects that have been long since cancelled. You stop raising issues/problems because you know you will be the one answering them. You fly across the country to attend a conference with 100+ people to discuss the fact that the project does not have enough money. You've sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for three different agencies. Your name plate is attached with Velcro. Your resume is on your smartphone as a PDF file, ready to be emailed. The office symbol on your badge is applied with tape. When someone asks about what you do for a living, you lie. You get really excited about a 2% pay raise. Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you lose your best jokes. Your supervisor doesn't have the ability to do your job. You sit in a cubicle smaller than your bedroom closet. You think lunch is just a meeting to which you drive. It's dark when you drive to and from work. Fun is when issues are assigned to someone else. Communication is something your group is having problems with. You see a good-looking person and know it is a visitor. Free food left over from meetings is your main staple. Weekends are those days your spouse makes you stay home. Being sick is defined as can't walk or you're in the hospital. Art involves a white board. You're already late on the assignment you just got. You work 100 hours for the $100 performance check and jubilantly say, "Oh wow, thanks!" Your boss' favourite lines are "when you get a few minutes," "in your spare time," "when you're freed up," and "I have an opportunity for you." Vacation is something you roll over to next year. Your relatives and family describe your job as "works with computers." Change is the norm. Nepotism is encouraged. The only reason you recognize your kids is because their pictures hang in your cube. You only have makeup for fluorescent lighting. You can name more people that used to work with you than people who do.

Susie's Dog Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie whose dog, Skipper, had recently died. "You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God." Susie stopped crying and asked: "What would God want with a dead dog?"

Two dogs and a cat die and go to heaven They are brought before God, who interviews them to determine their fate. He asks the first dog, "What did you do when you were alive on earth?" The first dog answers, "For 15 years I was a guide dog for a blind person. I was killed protecting them from being hit by a taxi." "Very good," says God. "You will sit at my left side." God turns his attention to the second dog and asks, "What did you do when you were alive on earth?" The second dog responds, "I was a police dog for 12 years. I was shot and killed trying to subdue an armed bank robber." God smiles and nods. "Very good. You will sit at my right side." God now looks at the cat and begins to ask, "What did you –" The cat interrupts, "You're in my chair."

The Truck Driver, Priest, and Lawyer A truck driver used to amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see walking down the side of the road. Every time he would see a lawyer walking along the road, he would swerve to hit him, and there would be a loud "THUMP" and then he would swerve back on the road. One day, as the truck driver was driving along, he saw a priest hitch hiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the truck over. He asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?". "I'm going to the church 5 miles down the road!", replied the priest. "No problem, Father! I'll give you a lift. Climb in the truck". The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road. Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively he swerved to hit him. But then he remembered there was a priest in the truck with him, so at the last minute he swerved back to the road, narrowly missing the lawyer. However even though he was certain he missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud "THUD". Not understanding where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and said, "I'm sorry Father. I just missed hitting that lawyer". "That's okay", replied the priest. "I got him with the door!

Murphy Murphy, while not a brilliant scholar, was a gifted portrait artist. Over a short number of years, his fame grew and soon people from all over Ireland were coming to the town of Milltown Malbay, to get him to paint their likenesses. One day, a beautiful young English woman arrived at his house in a stretch limo and asked if he would paint her in the nude. This being the first time anyone had made such a request he was a bit perturbed, particularly when the woman told him that money was no object; in fact, and she was willing to pay up to 40,000 pounds. Not wanting to get into any marital strife, he asked her to wait while he went into the house to confer with Mary, his wife. They talked much about the Rightness and Wrongness of it. It was hard to make the decision but finally his wife agreed, on one condition. In a few minutes he returned. "T'would be me pleasure to paint yer portrait, missus," he said " The wife says it's okay. "I'll paint you in the nude all right; but I have to at least leave me vest on, so I have a place to wipe me brushes."