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An English Rose There was a competition to cross the English Channel doing only the breaststroke, and the three women who entered the race were named Emily, Maggie, and Rose. After approximately 14 hours, Emily staggered up on the shore and was declared the fastest. About 40 minutes later, Maggie crawled up on the shore and was declared the second-place finisher. Nearly 4 hours after that, Rose finally came ashore and promptly collapsed in front of the worried onlookers. When the reporters asked why it took her so long to complete the race, she replied: 'I don't want to sound like I'm a sore loser, but I think those two other girls were using their arms.'

Politically correct genders How to speak to a Woman and remain..."POLITICALLY CORRECT" She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN. She is not a BLEACHED BLONDE - She is PEROXIDE DEPENDENT. She is not a BAD COOK - She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE. She is not HALF NAKED - She is WARDROBE IMPAIRED. She does not wear TOO MUCH JEWELLERY - She is METALLICALLY OVERBURDENED. She is not CONCEITED - She is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES. She does not want to be MARRIED - She wants to lock you in DOMESTIC INCARCERATION. She does not GAIN WEIGHT - She is a METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER. She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER - She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE. She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE. She does not TEASE or FLIRT - She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION. She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY. She is not TOO SKINNY - She is SKELETALLY PROMINENT. She does not HAVE A MUSTACHE - She is IN TOUCH WITH HER MASCULINE SIDE. She does not HATE TELEVISED SPORTS - She is ATHLETICALLY IGNORANT. She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION. She does not WEAR TOO MUCH PERFUME - She commits FRAGRANCE ABUSE. She does not GET YOU EXCITED - She causes TEMPORARY BLOOD DISPLACEMENT. She is not KINKY - She is a NON-INHIBITED SEXUAL COMPANION. She does not have a KILLER BODY - She is TERMINALLY ATTRACTIVE. She does not GO SHOPPING - She is MALL FLUENT. She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED. She does not get FAT or CHUBBY - She achieves MAXIMUM DENSITY. She is not COLD or FRIGID - She is THERMALLY ACCESSIBLE. She is not HORNY - She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED. She does not WEAR TOO MUCH MAKEUP - She has reached COSMETIC SATURATION. She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is GRAVITY RESISTANT. She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE She is not a SLUT - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED. She is not LOOSE - She is MORALLY IMPAIRED. She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS - She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR. ------------------------------------------------------------------ How to speak to a Man and remain..."POLITICALLY CORRECT" He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY. He is not QUIET - He is a CONVERSATIONAL MINIMALIST. He is not STUPID - He suffers from MINIMAL CRANIAL DEVELOPMENT. He does not get LOST ALL THE TIME - He discovers ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS. He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION. He is not a CRADLE ROBBER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS. He is not SHORT - He is ANATOMICALLY COMPACT. He does not have a RICH DADDY - He is a RECIPIENT OF PARENTAL ASSET INFUSION. He does not constantly TALK ABOUT CARS - He has a VEHICULAR ADDICTION. He does not have a HOT BODY - He is PHYSICALLY COMBUSTABLE. He is not UNSOPHISTICATED - He is SOCIALLY CHALLENGED. He is not a SEX MACHINE - He is ROMANTICALLY AUTOMATED. He does not HOG THE BLANKETS - He is THERMALLY UNAPPRECIATIVE. He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE EMPATHY. He is not AFRAID OF COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED. He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL. He does not have his HEAD UP HIS BUTT - He suffers from CRANIAL-RECTAL INVERSION.

Amber Nectar Bruce goes to his doctor and says he has a problem with sex: "My wife thinks my 'magic wand' is too small". The doctor asks him which drink he prefers. "Fosters. You know, that Aussie beer ... also known as' the amber nectar,'" he replies, a bit confused. "Ah - there's your problem. It shrinks things, those lagers. You should try drinking Guinness. That makes things grow and I don't just mean the hairs on your chest ... if you get my meaning!" says the doctor as he gives Bruce a big wink. Two months later Bruce sees the doctor in the street and goes up to him with a big smile on his face. He shakes the doctor by the hand and thanks him. "I take it you're now drinking Guinness?" asked the doc. "Nope I can't stand the stuff - but I've got the wife hooked on Fosters."

Michael Jordan Michael Jordan by Jacobus "Co" Willem Rentmeester for LIFE in 1984 It may be the most famous silhouette ever photographed. Shooting Michael Jordan for LIFE in 1984, Jacobus "Co" Willem Rentmeester captured the basketball star soaring through the air for a dunk, legs split like a ballet dancer’s and left arm stretched to the stars. A beautiful image, but one unlikely to have endured had Nike not devised a logo for its young star that bore a striking resemblance to the photo. Seeking design inspiration for its first Air Jordan sneakers, Nike paid Rentmeester $150 for temporary use of his slides from the life shoot. Soon, “Jumpman” was etched onto shoes, clothing, and bedroom walls around the world, eventually becoming one of the most popular commercial icons of all time. With Jumpman, Nike created the concept of athletes as valuable commercial properties unto themselves. The Air Jordan brand, which today features other superstar pitchmen, earned $3.2 billion in 2014. Rentmeester, sued Nike for copyright infringement. 2018, in a 2-1 decision, the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals said Jacobus Rentmeester did not show that Nike misappropriated his 1984 photo of Jordan, which had been used in a Life magazine feature on that year’s Summer Olympics in Los Angeles. The Jordan brand now generates $3.1 billion of annual revenue for Nike, which is based in Beaverton, Oregon. Rentmeester’s photo depicted Jordan, then a student at the University of North Carolina, airborne in a grassy knoll featuring a basketball hoop as a prop, with his left arm extended upward and a basketball in hand.

More Riddles 1. What is the similarity between “2 + 2 = 5” and your left hand? Show the answer 2. What am I? I prevent escape or intrusion. Yet I also preserve and protect. Thieves use me to get money. From me they can often collect. I’m the practice of a sport, but not on the lawn. Your friends may get upset when I’m sat upon. Show the answer 3. Which of the following statements are true and which are false? Only one of the statements is false. Exactly two of the statements are false. Only three of the statements are false. Exactly four of the statements are false. All five of these statements are false. Show the answer 4. What years from the 1900s and 1800s are the same year when read upside down? Show the answer 5. What am I? I have hundreds of legs but I can only lean. You make me feel dirty so you can feel clean. Show the answer Did you solve all the riddles? Tell us in the section below!

Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg......Because not one will stop and ask for directions.

How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male.......All he's concerned with is legs, breasts, and thighs.

What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name.......You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

Why does the average woman reportedly want beauty more than brains......Because the average man can see so much better than he thinks.

What Is Marriage…. Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence (a life sentence). Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her masters. Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffeRING. Married life is full of excitement and frustration: In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the NEIGHBOUR listens. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that instead. There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock. They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defence. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a 10-year married man looks happy, we wonder why. There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through HELL. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin. They just can't face each other, but they still stay together. Marriage is man and a woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After the marriage the "Y" becomes silent. I married Miss right; I just didn't know her first name was Always. It's not true that married men live longer than single men, it only seems longer. Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible. A man was complaining to a friend: I HAD IT ALL-MONEY, A BEAUTIFUL HOUSE AND THE LOVE OF A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, THEN POW! IT WAS ALL GONE. What happened, asked his friend. He says, MY WIFE FOUND OUT. Man is incomplete until he gets married, then he is finished. It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing - either the car is new or the wife is.

Love v/s Marriage Love is holding hands in the street. Marriage is holding arguments in the street. Love is cuddling on a sofa. Marriage is one of them sleeping on a sofa. Love is talking about having children. Marriage is talking about getting away from children. Love is going to bed early. Marriage is going to sleep early. Love is losing your appetite. Marriage is losing your figure. Love is sweet nothing in the ear. Marriage is sweet nothing in the bank. TV has no place in love. Marriage is a fight for remote control. Love is 1 drink and 2 straws. Marriage is "Don't you think you've had enough!” Conclusion: "Love is blind, Marriage is an eye opener!"

Winston Churchill Yousuf Karsh's iconic photo, Winston Churchill | 1941 “By the time I got back to my camera, he looked so belligerent, he could have devoured me. It was at that instant that I took the photograph.” YOUSUF KARSH In the wake of the attack on pearl harbour, Churchill arrived in Ottawa, to thank the allies for their assistance. Unaware that a photographer had been commissioned to take his portrait, Churchill refused to remove his cigar. Once the photographer was set up, Karsh walked towards Churchill, removed the cigar from his mouth and took his famous photograph with the scowl (an angry or bad-tempered expression.) Of the incident, Churchill told Karsh “You can even make a roaring lion stand still to be photographed.” This image is one of the most widely reproduced political portraits. It gave photographers permission to take more honest, and even critical, portraits of political leaders.

Ten Bumper Stickers Which Will Make You Laugh Welcome to California. Now go home. Is it time for your medication or mine? What part of “no” don’t you understand? Don’t be stupid. We have politicians for that. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. Is reading in the bathroom considered multi-tasking? Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance. Don’t wash this vehicle – undergoing scientific dirt test Don’t drink and drive…You might hit a bump and spill it.

Baptism A man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk answers, "Yes, I am." So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, "Brother have you found Jesus? " The drunk replies, "No, I haven't found Jesus." The preacher shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again for a little longer. He again pulls him out of the water and asks again, "Have you found Jesus my brother?" The drunk again answers, "No, I haven't found Jesus." By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in the water again - but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and when he begins kicking his arms and legs, he pulls him up. The preacher again asks the drunk, "For the love of God have you found Jesus?" The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher: "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

Don't Fart In Harrods A lady walks into Harrods. She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet, and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farts. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little woops and prays that a sales person was not anywhere near. As she turns around, her worst nightmare materialises in the form of a salesman standing right behind her - Good looking as well. Cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a professional in a store like Harrods. He politely greets the lady with, 'Good day, Madam. How may we help you today? Blushing, uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman somehow missed her little 'incident', she asks, 'what is the price of this lovely bracelet?' He answers, "Madam - if you farted just looking at it - you're going to shit yourself when I tell you the price!"

Wife is Like a TV; Girlfriend is Like a MOBILE At home you watch TV, but when you go out, you take your MOBILE. No money, you sell the TV, got money you change your MOBILE. Sometimes you enjoy TV, but most of the time you play with your MOBILE. TV is free for life, but for the MOBILE, if you don’t pay, the services will be terminated. That is the relationship. TV is big, bulky and most of the time old! But the MOBILE is cute, slim, curvy and very portable. Operational costs for TV is often acceptable, but for the MOBILE it is often high and demanding. TV has a remote, MOBILE doesn’t. You watch the TV from a distance, the MOBILE is always in contact with your body during communication, close to the mouth and the ear while you hold it with your hands. It’s something you really love. The TV can never keep secrets. When it talks, everybody in the room listens. When the MOBILE talks the communication is secret. You can never send the TV a secret message but with your MOBILE, you can send an SMS, very secret indeed. Once you leave home, the TV is out of mind. Once the TV is out of mind, your MOBILE takes over and keeps you company. If you forget your MOBILE, you return to fetch it if possible because it is always much closer to your heart. MOBILE is a two-way communication (you talk and listen), but with the TV you MUST only listen (whether you want to or not). The TV never learns new tricks of the game and has never helped you go online. It is old fashioned. Your MOBILE went online long time and even enables you to send/receive photos and play MP3s. It’s more fashionable! Most Importantly: TVs don’t have viruses. But MOBILES often do…It’s cute but can be very dangerous!