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How do you embarrass an archaeologist……Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.

What do you call a very rude bird.......A mockingbird!

What do you call a Norwegian prostitute.......A Fjord Escort

The Fat Man on transport carriage It’s so odd to see that an object roughly the same size as a large car can destroy an entire city and leave radioactive damage for lifetimes afterwards. Fat Man was the codename for the type of atomic bomb that was detonated over the Japanese city of Nagasaki by the United States on 9 August 1945. It was the second of the only two nuclear weapons ever used in warfare, the first being Little Boy, and its detonation marked the third-ever man-made nuclear explosion in history. It was built by scientists and engineers at Los Alamos Laboratory using plutonium from the Hanford Site and dropped from the Boeing B-29 Superfortress Bockscar. The name Fat Man refers generically to the early design of the bomb, because it had a wide, round shape. It was also known as the Mark III. Fat Man was an implosion-type nuclear weapon with a solid plutonium core. The first of that type to be detonated was the Gadget, in the Trinity nuclear test, less than a month earlier on 16 July at the Alamogordo Bombing and Gunnery Range in New Mexico. Two more Fat Man bombs were detonated during the Operation Crossroads nuclear tests at Bikini Atoll in 1946. Some 120 Fat Man units were produced between 1947 and 1949, when it was superseded by the Mark 4 nuclear bomb. The Fat Man was retired in 1950.

Einstein sticking his tongue out Albert Einstein sticks out his tongue when asked by photographers to smile on the occasion of his 72nd birthday on March 14, 1951. The shot was taken on Einstein’s 72nd birthday right after an event in his honour was finished at Princeton on March 14, 1951. While walking with Dr Frank Aydelotte, the former head of the Institute for Advanced Study, and Mrs. Aydelotte back to their car, reporters followed trying to get shots of Einstein. UPI photographer Arthur Sasse let the crowd of reporters take their pictures and when the crowd had dispersed walked up close to the car and said: “Ya, Professor, smile for your birthday picture, Ya?”. Einstein thinking the photographer wouldn’t be fast enough stuck his tongue out and quickly turned his head away. Probably the reason why Einstein did the gesture was to try to ruin the photo. But his plan backfired. The editors debated on whether or not to use the picture and Sasse remembers that “Caveo Sileo, assignment editor, liked it, but the chief editor didn’t. So, they had a conference with the big chiefs upstairs. The picture got okayed, and we used it”. Since Einstein already had the reputation for being a bit bizarre, the photo was seen as another example of his charm and established a public image of Einstein as the nutty professor. The photograph became one of the most popular ever taken of Einstein, often used in merchandise depicting him in a light-hearted sense. The original image included the faces of Dr. and Mrs. Aydelotte in the car, but it was cropped by Einstein himself, who liked it so much that he sent his friends greeting cards decorated with the image. He requested UPI to give him nine copies for personal use, one of which he signed for a reporter. On June 19, 2009, the original signed photograph was sold at auction for $74,324, a record for an Einstein picture.

Nowhere to go Two engineers died when the wind turbine they were working on caught fire. This might be the last picture taken of them alive. Picture was taken on October 29th, 2013 in the Netherlands A wind turbine caught fire Tuesday afternoon in Ooltgensplaat, Netherlands. Four mechanics were at work in the wind turbine, about 80 meters above ground, Tuesday afternoon. By a cause, yet unknown, a fire started in the engine room. Two mechanics managed to get themselves to safety in time, reported a police spokesperson. Rescuers found the body of a deceased mechanic next to the wind turbine on the ground. Because of the height the fire department initially had trouble extinguishing the fire in the engine room. In the evening, a special team of firefighters went up with a large crane, and found the body of the missing man. An eyewitness reported, she saw two mechanics sitting on the tip of the turbine. She saw them jump through the fire toward stairs.

Astronaut Anna Fisher: The First Mom in Space Anna Fisher, astronaut, with stars in her eyes on the cover of Life magazine in 1985.

Exercise for the nonathletic Calories can be burned by the hundreds by engaging in strenuous activities that do not require physical exercise. Exercise......................................... Calories burned per hour Beating around the bush....................75 Jumping to conclusions.....................100 Climbing the walls.............................150 Swallowing your pride........................50 Passing the buck...............................25 Throwing your weight around (depending on your weight)...............50-300 Dragging your heels..........................100 Pushing your luck..............................250 Making mountains out of molehills......500 Hitting the nail on the head................50 Wading through paperwork................300 Bending over backwards....................75 Jumping on the bandwagon...............200 Balancing the books..........................25 Running around in circles...................350 Eating crow......................................225 Tooting your own horn......................25 Climbing the ladder of success...........750 Pulling out the stops.........................75 Adding fuel to the fire.......................160 Wrapping it up at the day's end.........12 To which you may want to add your own favourite activities, including: Opening a can of worms ..................50 Putting your foot in your mouth........300 Starting the ball rolling.....................90 Going over the edge.........................25 Picking up the pieces after……..........350

Management Styles 1) MANAGING BY WALKING FASTER THAN THE EMPLOYEES These kind of managers you will always see in the corridor, ten steps away. "We'll have to talk" you can hear them say, just as they have disappeared around the corner. 2) MANAGING BY STARING OUT OF THE WINDOW These managers you usually meet with their backside faced to you with their hands in their pockets. When you talk to them, their thoughts keep staring out of the windows. 3) MANAGING BY POST-IT'S Some managers forget everything. They want to impress you with their 'busy'ness by continuously writing on Post-it's while you are talking. 4) MANAGING BY DELEGATION TO THE SECRETARY These managers just delegate everything to the secretary. If he is good, He knows what she must do. 5) MANAGING BY KNOWING NOTHING These managers don't really know anything at all. They let YOU give answers. Meanwhile they fill the time with nice anecdotes of irrelevant cases. 6) MANAGING BY CONCEPTUAL THINKING These people try to explain the present from a theoretical view of the far future. The idea that this never will work, completely satisfies them: They will always have something to talk about. 7) MANAGING BY HIDING INFORMATION Information hiders are aware of the market value of strictly secret kept information. You must be very thankful to get any information at all. Beware of simulants from category 5! 8) MANAGING BY DOING EXACTLY WHAT THE BOSS SAYS These managers prevent their bosses from creative thinking. Else they got more work to do. 9) MANAGING BY WALKING ONE FOOT BEHIND THE BOSS In hierarchical organizations you can watch those groups walking in the corridor. The more equal managers are directly followed by the lesser equal managers, and so on. 10) MANAGING BY SMILING AND WEARING NICE SUITS If you drink beer with them, lunch with them, smile to them and also wear nice suits, nothing can stop your career anymore. 11) MANAGING BY STUDYING Despite their continual attendances of all kind of studies and congresses, they still belong to category 5. The longer they learn, the further they get from the practice. 12) MANAGING BY CREATING VAGUE OVERHEAD SHEETS Do you know them? Those sheets with some big arrows,boxes or circles? These sheets provide the ultimate proof of their overall brilliance. 13) MANAGING BY OPEN DOOR AND EMPTY ROOM This is a major improvement of the older 'OPEN DOOR' management style. Now you can really walk in and out anytime you want. Nobody ever knows where these managers are. 14) MANAGING BY SPEAKING WITH OTHER MANAGERS This kind of managing is very popular. It will give them within a few hours the same information as an employee can tell them in 15 minutes. 15) MANAGING BY HAVING A NON SUPPORTING INFRASTRUCTURE In an organization with a hopeless infrastructure, managers are really necessary. These managers will naturally prevent the organization from having a better infrastructure. 16) BUA MANAGEMENT ( BY USING ABBREVIATIONS ) This management style is ATRASACWOC. ( Adopted To Reach A Shorter And Clearer Way Of Communication ) 17) MANAGING BY USING BUZZ WORDS These managers like to bluff your head off with hip, nearly undefined, terms. 18) MANAGING BY REORGANIZATION If they think there is nothing more to organize, they reorganize. 19) MANAGING BY BELIEVING These managers must be spiritual educated, because they have no clues at all. 20) MANAGING BY FORGETTING PROMISES If you remind them to one of their promises, the priority of that promise is to low to remember.

How many photographers does it take to change a lightbulb......Just one more, just one more...

How do you know when you're really ugly.......Dogs close their eyes when they're humping your leg

How many yuppies does it take to screw in a lightbulb........None, yuppies only do it in Jacuzzis

Golfweek A man takes a week off work and decides to play a round of golf every day. First thing Monday morning, he sets off and soon finds himself catching up with a stunning woman playing in front of him. He suggests that they play against each other for the rest of the day and she agrees. The woman proves to be very talented, and wins on the last hole. Afterwards, she accepts the man's offer of a lift home and, on the way, admits she hasn't enjoyed herself so much for a long time. "In fact," she says, "why don't you pull over so I can show you how much I appreciate it." So the man pulls over and, to his delight, the woman performs oral sex on him. They arrange to play golf again the next morning. Once again, the woman wins, and she shows her appreciation in the same way on the journey home. This goes on all week, until Friday, when the man reveals he has booked dinner at a restaurant and a night of passion in a hotel. On the way there, the woman suddenly bursts into tears. "I can't do it," she says, "You see, I'm a transvestite." The man is aghast. He swerves violently off the road, and pulls the car to a screeching halt. "You f*cking cheat!" he screams. "You've been playing off the ladies' tees all week."

You know you are a manager when... You ask the waiter what the restaurant's core competencies are. You decide to re-org your family into a "team-based organization." You refer to dating as test marketing. You can spell "paradigm." You understand your airline's fare structure. You write executive summaries on your love letters. You think that it's actually efficient to write a ten page paper with six other people you don't know. You believe you never have any problems in your life, just "issues" and "improvement opportunities." You know every single piece of clip art in PowerPoint. You explain to your bank manager that you prefer to think of yourself as "highly leveraged" as opposed to "in debt." You can explain to somebody the difference between "re-engineering," "down-sizing," "right-sizing," and "firing people's asses." You actually believe your explanation in number 11. Your three meals a day are a morning consumption function, a noontime consumption function, and an evening consumption function. You refer to your significant other as "my co-CEO." You refer to divorce as "divestiture." Your favourite artist is the one who does the dot drawings for the Wall Street Journal. You insist that you do some more market research before you and your spouse produce another child. At your last family reunion, you wanted to have an emergency meeting about their brand equity. You use the term "value-added" without falling down laughing. You give constructive feedback to your dog.

Stress relief method You might try the following method to relieve stress: Picture yourself near a stream. Birds are softly chirping in the crisp cool mountain air. Nothing can bother you here. No one knows this secret place. You are in total seclusion from that place called "the world." The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity. The water is clear. The brook gurgles and the air is cool... You can easily make out the face of the person whose head you're holding under the water. Look. It's the person who caused you all this stress in the first place. What a pleasant surprise. You let them up... just for a quick breath...then *splosh slosh*!... back under they go... You allow yourself as many deep breaths as you want. There, now... feeling better?

Notice notice Date: Wednesday, 10 October 2018 From: Bill Lacewell (blacewel(at)SYSTEMA.WESTARK.EDU) Subject: Important Notice PLEASE NOTICE: You may have noticed the increased amount of notices for you to notice. Some of our notices have not been noticed. This is very noticeable. It has been noticed that the responses to the notices have been noticeably unnoticed. This notice is to remind you to notice the notices and respond to the notices because we do not want the notices to go unnoticed. The Management

Simone Segouin, the 18-year-old French Resistance fighter Simone is pictured taking cover during the liberation of Paris in August 19, 1944. Members of the French Resistance are photographed in the midst of battle against German troops during the Liberation of Paris. We see a man in makeshift army fatigues to the left and a young man on the right. Then, most strikingly, we see a woman in shorts, a patterned top, and a military hat in the center. The photograph of this young female fighter would become a symbol of women’s involvement in the Resistance. Her name was Simone Segouin, also known by her nom de guerre Nicole Minet. When this photo was taken, she was 18 years old. The girl had killed two Germans in the Paris fighting two days previously and also had assisted in capturing 25 German prisoners of war during the fall of Chartres. In 1944, at the height of the Nazi occupation of France, she joined the Francs-Tireurs et Partisans (Free-shooters and Partisans, or FTP) – a combat alliance made up of militant communists and French nationalists. Simone was very much in the latter camp. Her father was a huge inspiration – a decorated soldier who had fought in the Great War – and she was intensely proud of her country. Simone Segouin was involved in armed actions against enemy convoys and trains, attacks against enemy detachments, acts of sabotages etc. The French newspaper Independent Eure-et-Loir on its August 26, 1944 issue described her as “one of the purest fighters of heroic French Resistance who prepared the way for the Liberation”. She was present at the fall of Chartres, on August 23, 1944, and at the Liberation of Paris. She was promoted to lieutenant, and awarded the Croix de guerre. A street in Courville-sur-Eure was named for her. The gun she’s holding is a German MP-40. Many German weapons were captured and used by the French Resistance. The gun was effective in close quarters, due to its automatic fire and moderate stopping power against regular infantry enemies. The MP-40 was often called the “Schmeisser” by the Allies, after weapons designer Hugo Schmeisser. Schmeisser had designed the MP-18, which was the first mass-produced submachine gun, and saw extensive service at the end of the First World War. He did not, however, design the MP-40. Simone went on to become a paediatric nurse in Chartres, where her wartime exploits made her hugely popular. Despite her swashbuckling war years, Simone was always aware of how difficult it had been for women to play a role in the Resistance. They made up little more than ten per cent of the force, and the majority were confined to non-combat roles. But nonetheless, their presence had helped force a shift in the way women were treated.

Aftershave A navy chief and an Admiral are sitting in the barbershop... They have both just finished having a shave, and the barber reaches for some aftershave. "Hey! Don't put that stuff on me!" the Admiral shouts. "My wife will think I've been in a brothel!" The chief turns to his barber and say: "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like."

Assignment A kid comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. "Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?" His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, "I'll demonstrate. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million pounds. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million pounds. Then come back and tell me what you've learned." The kid is puzzled, but decides to ask his mother. "Mum, if someone gave you a million pounds, would you sleep with Robert Redford?" "Don't tell your father, but yes, I would," she replies. He then goes to his sister's room. "Sis, if someone gave you a million pounds, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?" She replies, "Omigod! Definitely!" The kid goes back to his father. "Dad, I think I've figured it out. Potentially, we are sitting on two million quid, but in reality, we are living with two sluts."