uk666

Who Reads Which Newspapers... Social and political leanings dictate who reads what, and here's a rundown of which newspapers appeal to which people. United States –The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country. –The New York Times is read by people who think they run the country. –The Washington Post is read by people who think they ought to run the country. –USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don’t understand The Washington Post. –The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn’t mind running the country, if they could spare the time. –The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country. –The New York Daily News is read by people who aren’t too sure who’s running the country. –The New York Post is read by people who don’t care who’s running the country, as long as they do something scandalous. –The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren’t sure there is a country, or that a country is a good idea in the first place. –The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country. –The Chicago Tribune is read by people who live in the Midwest, which readers of the other newspapers don’t think is part of the country. –The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store. United Kingdom –The Daily Mirror is read by people who think they run the country. –The Guardian is read by people who think they ought to run the country. –The Times is read by the people who actually do run the country. –The Daily Mail is read by the wives of the people who run the country –The Financial Times is read by people who own the country –The Morning Star is read by people who think the country ought to be run by another country. –The Daily Telegraph is read by people who think it is. –The Sun readers don't care who runs the country, as long as she's got big t*ts. Footnotes British version of the list, whose provenance is identified as from a December 1987 episode of the BBC series "Yes, Prime Minister." The Sun has now discontinued its traditional topless "Page Three" girls.

What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow……A watch dog.

How do bees get to school……By school buzz!

Why did the pony go to the doctor……Because it was a little horse.

What's the difference between love and marriage……Love is one long, sweet dream and marriage is the alarm clock.

Why do melons have weddings……Because they cantaloupe.

Naked Man Three ladies are chipping up to the fourth hole at Grand Pines Golf Club, when a naked man wearing a paper bag over his head jumps from the trees and runs across the green. The three ladies stand in awe at the size of his manhood. The first lady says, 'He is definitely not my husband.’ The second lady, gazes at his manhood and says, 'He is not mine either.’ After a very considered inspection, the third lady finally says: 'He's not even a member of this golf club’.

Really A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband's best friend. They make love for hours, and afterwards, while they're just lying there, the phone rings. Since it is the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation...(She is speaking in a smiling voice) "Hello? Oh, hi. I'm so glad that you called. Really? That's wonderful. I am so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye bye." She hangs up the telephone and her lover ask, "Who was that?" "Oh" she replies: "That was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."