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Out of gas A nun who works for a local home health care agency was out making her rounds when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, there was a station just down the street. She walked to the station to borrow a can with enough gas to start the car and drive to the station for a fill up. The attendant regretfully told her that the only can he owned had just been loaned out, but if she would care to wait he was sure it would be back shortly. Since the nun was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car. After looking through her car for something to carry to the station to fill with gas, she spotted a bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, she carried it to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried it back to her car. As she was pouring the liquid from the bedpan into the tank of her car, two men walked by. One of them turned to the other and said: “Now that is what I call faith!”

André the Giant Had you seen André René Roussimof in person, you might have thought you were staring at a character ripped right from the pages of a fairy tale. The man more commonly known as André the Giant stood at seven feet and four inches tall and weighed about 520 pounds. Still, numbers and descriptions could never truly capture the essence of this larger-than-life legend. Luckily, numerous photographers chronicled the life of the man they called the Eighth Wonder of the World. Their photographs illustrated not just the sheer size and spectacle that was André the Giant, but also, what it meant to be the pro-wrestler turned entertainer—both the good and the bad. At his largest, André the Giant stood at seven feet and four inches and weighed about 520 pounds. He was a pro-wrestler and an entertainer, but more importantly, he was a man who inspired awe wherever he went. André the Giant had a disease called acromegaly, meaning his pituitary gland produced too much growth hormone. He grew so big that little kids couldn’t help but stare up at him in sheer amazement. Just look at that size difference! By the time he was 12 years old, André the Giant (right) was already six-foot-three and 240 pounds. He grew so fast that his parents didn’t recognize him when he returned home from a five-year stay in Paris, where he lived from the ages of 14 through 19. Even among his fellow wrestlers, André was huge. When he started his pro-wrestling career in Paris at age 17, he was nicknamed “Géant Ferré” after a French folk hero. And over his lifetime, he became the focus of several legends and folk tales himself. André’s persona was shrouded in myth. One legend goes that, when a group of (very dim-witted) men harassed him one evening, he followed them to the parking lot and flipped their car… with all four of them in it. Vincent Kennedy McMahon—now the chairman and CEO of World Wrestling Entertainment—interviewed the enormous André ringside. Throughout his career, André was seen as a special attraction in the wrestling world. People paid a lot of money to watch him perform. André almost never lifted weights, yet he still had the superhuman strength necessary to hoist a grown man over his head and toss him out of a wrestling ring as if he was Sunday morning trash. André the Giant feuded with Big John Studd in the lead-up to pro-wrestling’s first Super Bowl equivalent, Wrestlemania I. Their matches were so much fun for fans that they eventually met in a “Body Slam Challenge” in the main event of that show. One of the most iconic moments in WWF history featured André the Giant showing the people watching at home just how big he was by palming the face of backstage interviewer “Mean” Gene Okurland like a basketball. It was the most jaw-dropping spectacle the wrestling world had seen. The sensational final event of 1987’s Wrestlemania III was between two titans: André the Giant and Hulk Hogan. Fans — over 93,000 there in the Pontiac Silverdome, and almost 1,000,000 watching at home — were stupefied with excitement. André the Giant’s awe-inspiring presence in wrestling earned him attention outside of the squared circle, too. Soon, he was one of the biggest celebrities in the world, posing for photo opportunities with other celebrities like Hulk Hogan (left) and Donald Trump (centre). Wrestlemania III held the record for 12 years as the largest live event held at an indoor stadium. André had been shown ‘bullying’ Hulk and ripping his shirt, and when Hogan succeeded in toppling the giant, he had secured a place as a superhero of wrestling. On The Six Million Dollar Man, André gave an unforgettable, scene-stealing performance as the furry behemoth. He also guested on the popular show B.J. and the Bear. Because of his foray into the acting world, you’ll never believe which A-lister became André’s buddy — or will you? André was on the set of 1984’s Conan the Destroyer, making star Arnold Schwarzenegger look like an oddly puny little kid. In the film, he played Dagoth, a monstrous god of sorts that died by Conan’s sword. In 1976, André the Giant allegedly drank 119 standard 12-ounce beers (the number varies depending on who tells the story) while visiting a pub in Pennsylvania. His hand—see it on the right—absolutely dwarfed every one of those cans. According to his friends, André drank about 7,000 calories in alcohol per day. But while that may have seemed like an awesome party trick, it actually belied the great torture André felt just navigating everyday life. He drank, in part, to manage his pain. Surgery scars covered André’s knees. There was so much pressure on his lower joints and extremities at all times that the wear-and-tear damage added up. He did what he could to manage that pain with surgeries and the aforementioned drinking. Sadly, because of that pain—caused by constant pressure on his knees and lower back—André struggled to walk in his later years. He rode an ATV just to get around his property. His joints simply couldn’t take his weight much longer. The world just couldn’t accommodate the Eighth Wonder of the World to any level of comfort. This picture showed André coping with minimal space on a 1980 public flight to Japan. He detested flying and driving. It wasn’t hard to see why. At the end of his wrestling career, André could barely function in the ring. During his infamous Wrestlemania III match with Hulk Hogan, Hogan actually had to support his weight and prop him up at points in the match. ”There was no level of comfort” for André, said wrestling legend Jerry “The King” Lawler in a documentary focused on André’s life. “It had to be an uncomfortable life.” Even catching a New York City cab looked like an uncomfortable experience for him. “People would not leave him alone,” said another wrestling legend, Ric Flair. He couldn’t go anywhere without being recognized. He couldn’t disguise himself. Truly, André had little opportunity for peace and comfort. Through his pain and discomfort, though, André the Giant never failed to entertain the public with an existence seemingly ripped from the pages of French folklore. In January of 1993, André received a call from his family in France – his father Boris was sick, and not expected to hold on much longer. André flew home to see his father one last time. André stayed in France for the funeral and his mother’s birthday. On January 26, André returned to his hometown, a tiny village northeast of Paris named Molien. He spent the day meeting with old friends, playing cards and no doubt being the larger than life entertainer on last time, albeit on a much smaller stage that usual. That night, André died of congestive heart failure in his sleep in his Paris hotel room. He was 46. His body was flown back to America, where he was cremated. Then his ashes were interred at his ranch in rural North Carolina, where he loved to go to escape how much the world loved and hurt him. But he had ensured one, final act of kindness. He was, even after his death on January 27, 1993, the subject of endless fascination for a public who adored him. André the Giant was a spectacular figure who attracted attention wherever he went; it brought him fame, but unfortunately, great pain, too. His life is a reminder that even the people we think have it all are only human. André the Giant lives on as a legend. Posthumously, the differently abled boy from a poor French farm became the first wrestler to be inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame. His likeness became a pop culture symbol on the “Obey” stencils and stickers you see everywhere in the world. Smiling through his disability and illness, André Roussimoff gave of himself to allow the world to enjoy themselves and to be filled with wonder, no matter the cost. Through his actions and his character, he proved that size wasn’t the only thing that made him truly larger than life.

Shark A Very wealthy Texan who had an impressive ranch in Texas. On his ranch, he had a HUGE floodlit swimming pool and in this swimming pool he kept a SHARK. The rich Texan loved to throw lavish dinner parties and would invite his guests up around the pool afterwards. Then he would say to them, “If any of you will swim a length of this pool then I will give you one of three things: $10 million, or half of my estate, or the hand of my daughter in marriage.” And he always said before he finished, “but I must warn you before you do so, there is a shark in the pool.”.... Well one evening as he was saying this, there was a splash, and a man, very nicely dressed, swam the entire length of the pool chased by the shark. He got out of the pool just in time as the shark thudded into the wall. The Texan said, “Congratulations you are the first person who has ever done that!! Now what would you like? Would you like $10 million?” The man gasped, “No thank you.” He said, “Would you like half of my estate?” The man said, “No thank you.” He said, “Ahh, you want the hand of my daughter in marriage?” The exasperated man said, “No thank you!” So the Texan said to him, “Well what do you want?” He said, “I just want the name of the man who pushed me in.”

Cultural Diversity On a chain of beautiful islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are stranded: Two Italian men and one Italian woman Two French men and one French woman Two German men and one German woman Two Greek men and one Greek woman Two English men and one English woman Two Bulgarian men and one Bulgarian woman Two Japanese men and one Japanese woman Two Chinese men and one Chinese woman Two Irish men and one Irish woman Two American men and one American woman One month later, on these absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred: One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman. The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a Ménage à trois. The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits the German woman. The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them. The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman. The two Bulgarian men took one look at the Bulgarian woman and started swimming to another island. The two Japanese, have texted Tokyo and are awaiting instructions. The two Chinese have opened a convenience store, restaurant, laundry, and have gotten the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for their store. The two Irish men divided the island into north and south and set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets somewhat foggy after a few litres of coconut whiskey. However, they are satisfied because the English aren't having any fun. The two American men are contemplating suicide, because the American woman will not shut up and complains relentlessly about her body, the true nature of feminism, what the sun is doing to her skin, how she can do anything they can do, the necessity of fulfilment, the equal division of household chores, how sand and palm trees make her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, how her relationship with her mother is the root of all her problems and why didn't they bring a damn cell phone so she could call 911 and get them all rescued off this Godforsaken deserted island in the middle of freaking nowhere so she can get her nails done and go shopping.

Bird security system…

112 Ways to Say Someone is Stupid A brick shy of a full load. A few beers short of a six pack. A few clowns short of a circus. A few feathers short of a whole duck. A few fries short of a happy meal. A few peas short of a casserole. A sharp tongue does not mean you have a keen mind. All foam, no beer. An experiment in Artificial Stupidity An intellect rivalled only by garden tools As bright as a 1/2 watt bulb. As bright as a bag of hammers. As sharp as a butter knife. As smart as bait. As swift as a sailboat on a calm day. As swift as roadkill, rabbit. As thick as 2 short planks Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel. Brainless Brains aren’t everything. In fact, in your case they are nothing. Can be kept busy all day with a sheet of paper saying "please turn over" on both sides. Cognitively impaired Could not pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel. Daft as a brush. Dead from the neck up. Delusions of adequacy. Dense enough to have his own event horizon. Developmentally delayed Does not have all his dogs on one leash. Does not have all of their dogs barking. Doesn't have all his cornflakes in one box Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair Don’t let you mind wander – it’s far too small to be let out on its own. Elevator does not go all the way to the top floor. Ever since I saw you in your family tree, I have wanted to cut it down. Forgot to pay his brain bill. Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train is not coming. Half-wit. Has an IQ of two, but it takes 3 to grunt. He always finds himself lost in thought - it is an unfamiliar territory. He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down. He has one oar out of the water. He seems to always do things an educated person just would not do. Her sewing machine is out of thread. His antenna does not pick up all the channels. His belt does not go through all the loops. His head has enough free airspace to land a jumbo jet. I am blonde. What is your excuse? I am guessing you weren't burdened with an overabundance of schooling. I can feel my personality turning a dull shade of grey when I talk to you. I don’t know what makes you so dumb but it really works. I don’t think you are a fool. But then what’s MY opinion against thousands of others. I don’t think you are stupid. You just have a bad luck when thinking. I see that you have set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public. I would agree with you but then we'd both be wrong I would suggest a battle of wits but I refuse to fight an unarmed opponent. I’m glad to see you’re not letting your education get in the way of your ignorance. I’m not being condescending, I’m too busy thinking about things you wouldn’t understand. If brains were gasoline, you would be hard-pressed to ride a moped around a Cheerio. If bullshit could float…you’d be the Admiral of the fleet! If he had another brain, it would be lonely If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on earth. If opposites attract, then I hope you meet someone who is intelligent, and cultured. If you were twice as smart, you would still be stupid. If you were twice as smart, you would still be stupid. In the pinball game of life, his flippers were a little farther apart than most. Intelligently impaired. Is your job devoted to spreading ignorance? It’s scary to think that people like you are graduating from college. No grain in the silo Not batting on a full wicket. Not running on all thrusters. Not the brightest bulb in the chandelier. Not the brightest crayon in the box. One fruit loop shy of a full bowl. One taco short of a combination plate. Plonker. Prat. Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse. Receiver is off the hook. Remember when I asked for your opinion? Me neither. Several nuts short of a full pouch. She is so sweet, bless her. Shit for brains Shock me, say something intelligent. Skylight leaks a little. So, a thought crossed your mind. Must have been a long and lonely journey. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, but he just gargled. Struggling under cognitive deficiencies. Stupid is as stupid does. Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have. The cheese slid off his cracker. The engine is running but there is no one behind the wheel. The lights are on, and no one’s home The wheel is spinning, but the hamster's dead. Thinks Megahertz is a unit of pain. Too much yardage between the goal posts. Tried to get the twist out of a Mobius strip. Useless loser. Useless moron. Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear. What a tool. Wired up right, but not plugged in Wonders how the helpful woman got inside his sat-nav. You are as strong as an ox and almost as intelligent. You do realize makeup isn’t going to fix your stupidity? You have a tendency to make a high rate of poor decisions over time. You started at the bottom… and it’s been downhill ever since. You’re about as sharp as a bowling ball. You’re IQ’s lower than your shoe size. You’re like school in the summertime – no class. Your gene pool could use a little chlorine. Please add if you have any.

A, S, D... Puzzle What comes next in this series: A, S, D, F, G, H, J, K, L, ? Answer Did you solve the puzzle? It was easy, yes? Tell us in the section below!

Email mix-up It seems there was this couple from Minneapolis, Minnesota who decided to go to Florida for a few days to thaw out during one particularly cold winter. Since both spouses worked, they had difficulty coordinating their schedules. So the decision was made to have the husband leave for Florida on a certain day, with the wife following him one day later. The man made it down to Florida and arrived at his hotel. Upon getting to his room, he decided to open his laptop and send his wife back in Minneapolis an email. However, he left off one letter in typing his wife's email address and sent the email off without realising his error. In another part of the country, a widow had just returned from the funeral of her husband, a pastor of many years who had been called to glory just a few days earlier. She decided to check her email because she was expecting to hear from her husband's relatives and friends. Upon reading the first email she let out a loud scream, fainted and fell to the floor. The woman's son rushed into the room and found his mother on the floor. He glanced up at the computer screen and saw the following email message: To My Loving Wife: I've just been checked in. Everything has-been prepared for your arrival here tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Your Devoted Husband. PS: Sure is hot down here

Information Technology Women Types HARD-DISK Woman: She remembers everything, FOREVER. RAM Woman: She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off. WINDOWS Woman: Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her. EXCEL Woman: They say she can do a lot of things but you mostly use Her for your four basic needs. SCREENSAVER Woman: She is good for nothing but at least she is fun! INTERNET Woman: Difficult to access. SERVER Woman: Always busy when you need her. MULTIMEDIA Woman: She makes horrible things look beautiful. CD-ROM Woman: She is always faster and faster. E-MAIL Woman: Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense. VIRUS Woman: Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her, you will lose something, if you don't try to uninstall her you Will lose everything.

Heaven or Hell? Heaven is where: The Chefs are French The Police are British The Mechanics are German The Lovers are Italian And it's all organised by the Swiss Hell is where: The Chefs are British The Police are German The Mechanics are French The Lovers are Swiss And it's all organised by the Italians.

Foul Night It was a foul night and the small boat was sailing perilously close to the rocks. Suddenly the captain shouted to his passengers, “Does anyone know how to pray?” “Yes, I do,” said a religious looking man at the back. “Okay, you start pray and the rest of us will put on our life jackets…….. you see, we’re one short.”

A good way to die A man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor. He asked "Give it to me straight, doc. How long have I got?" The physician replied that he doubted that his patient would survive the night. The man then said "Call for my lawyer." When his lawyer arrived, the man asked for his physician to stand on one side of the bed, while the lawyer stood on the other. The man then laid back and closed his eyes. When the man remained silent for several minutes, the lawyer asked what he had in mind. The man replied "Jesus died with a thief on either side, and I thought I'd check out the same way."

'House of Cards' releases new teaser video for Independence Day Claire Underwood is back, and it sounds like she is making the most of her independence. On Wednesday, the official House of Cards Twitter account posted the following, 10-second teaser. "Happy Independence Day," says Underwood in the clip, "to me." The hashtag that flashes up afterwards, #MyTurn, is pretty much the only text in the short clip. "My turn," were the words final words spoken by Claire Underwood at the end of Season 5, after she became the 47th President of the United States following Frank's resignation. Last October, production on House of Cards was paused following multiple allegations of sexual misconduct made against Kevin Spacey. Netflix then announced in December that the show would continue without him. This next Season will be the last.

Oldest Soccer Ball! Charles Goodyear's Soccer Ball In 1836 Charles Goodyear patented vulcanized rubber. Prior to this, balls were dependant on the size and shape of the pig's bladder. The more irregular the bladder, the more unpredictable the behaviour of the ball was when kicked. However; it would not be until the twentieth century until most balls were made with rubber bladders. In 1855, Charles Goodyear designed and built the first vulcanized rubber soccer balls (footballs). The following picture shows the Charles Goodyear ball that was on display at the National Soccer Hall of Fame which was located in Oneonta, NY, USA. Oldest Soccer Ball (Football) Facts: Designed and Built in 1855 by Charles Goodyear Made of vulcanized rubber panels glued at the seams Panels are shaped similar to today's basketball The ball was used for a game between the Oneida Football Club, the first organized team in the US, and a team of players from Boston Latin and Boston English Schools. The Oneida club was formed by Gerritt Smith-Miller and came from the students at Dixwell Latin School, where he was a student. Dixwell Latin merged with other schools over time and is a forbear to Noble & Greenough, an independent school located in Dedham, MA. The game was played on Boston Common, where there is a monument to commemorate the game, on November 7, 1863. The ball became the trophy from that game as shown in the picture above. The ball was donated by the family of Gerritt Smith-Miller to The Society For the Preservation of New England Antiquities in 1925. It is interesting to note that when James Naismith developed the game of basketball, the first game was played with - a soccer ball!

The History of the Official World Cup Match Soccer Balls The First World Cup Soccer Ball 1930 World Cup Soccer Ball of "Tiento" One of the two soccer balls used in the first 1930 World Cup final between Argentina and Uruguay is shown above. This leather football was used in the final match and taken by an Uruguayan team player. It may have even played a part in the outcome of the first world cup in 1930. Argentina and Uruguay could not agree on which ball to use. So they decided to use an Argentinean ball the first half and a ball supplied by Uruguay the second half. As it turned out, Argentina was ahead at halftime 2-1. However; Uruguay came back to win the match in the second half 4-2 using their ball! World Cup Match Soccer Balls

Google says no one is reading your emails, except... Google would like you to know that no one is reading your emails on Gmail without your permission. While that may be true, things aren't that simple. After a Wall Street Journal report (published Monday) described how third-party developers might be reading your emails on Gmail, Google on Tuesday responded with a blog post, describing the measures the company takes to ensure your security and privacy within the service. The post, signed by Suzanne Frey, Director of Security, Trust and Privacy at Google Cloud, admits that Google allows third party developers to access your Gmail messages, but only if you've granted them permission, and only after they pass a strict review process. "Before a published, non-Google app can access your Gmail messages, it goes through a multi-step review process that includes automated and manual reviews of the developer, assessment of the app’s privacy policy and homepage to ensure it is a legitimate app, and in-app testing to ensure the app works as it says it does," Frey says. In contrast, the WSJ's report claims that Google "does little to police these developers," which in some cases actually have their employees read users' emails. According to the report, employees of a company called Return Path read about 8,000 user emails two years ago in order to help train its software. The practice of sharing user data with third-party firms became common knowledge after it was revealed that Facebook let numerous third-party apps harvest massive amounts of user data for their own purposes. Google has been a little more careful than Facebook when it comes to protecting your privacy. For example, the company stopped using contents of user emails on Gmail to personalize its ads back in 2017. But if you're not careful about granting permissions in Gmail to third-party apps, your emails could still theoretically fall into the wrong hands. To check which third-party apps you've allowed to access your Gmail, go to myaccount.google.com and click on "Apps with account access." In the post, Frey also points out that "no one at Google reads your Gmail." There are exceptions to that rule, though. According to the company, these include "very specific cases where you ask us to and give consent, or where we need to for security purposes, such as investigating a bug or abuse."

Samsung investigates claims of photos sent to random contacts The contents of your phone's camera roll are a window into your life — where you've been, who your friends are, and whether or not you have a proclivity for dick pics. And, if a scattering of claims on Reddit are to be believed, that window may have just been blown wide open. A few Redditors are claiming that their Samsung smartphones — in one case a Galaxy S9+ — sent photos from their camera roll to another person without their knowledge. And while this nightmare scenario has yet to be confirmed, you'd better believe that Samsung is looking into it. “We are aware of the reports regarding this matter and our technical teams are looking into it," a Samsung spokesperson told Mashable over email. "Concerned customers are encouraged to contact us directly at 1-800-SAMSUNG." And even though there aren't too many of these unconfirmed claims, that doesn't make the stories any less chilling. "Last night around 2:30 am, my phone sent [my girlfriend] my entire photo gallery over text but there was no record of it on my messages app," posted one Redditor. "However, there was record of it on tmobile logs." In addition to the expected horrified responses, a few other people chimed in to relate similar experiences. "Oddly enough, my wife's phone did that last night, and mine did it the night before," read one reply that speculated as to the cause of the unconfirmed glitch. "...When her phone texted me her gallery, it didn't show up on her end — and vice versa." Assuming this did go down as the few Redditors described, it's a colossal screw up on someone's part. So maybe save yourself some serious potential future headache and take a little stroll through your camera app now — deleting anything questionable while you're at it. I mean, a few beach photos randomly sent to your boss at 3:00 a.m. is one thing, but we all know it could be so much worse.

Quotes From The Field Of Computer Science. Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live. Rick Osborne Documentation is like sex; when it's good, it's very, very good, and when it's bad, it's better than nothing. Dick Brandon I have always wished for my computer to be as easy to use as my telephone; my wish has come true because I can no longer figure out how to use my telephone. Bjarne Stroustrup If Java had true garbage collection, most programs would delete themselves upon execution. Robert Sewell Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe. Albert Einstein A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any other invention in human history, with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila. Mitch Ratcliffe XML is like violence – if it doesn’t solve your problems, you are not using enough of it. Unknown Computers are like bikinis. They save people a lot of guesswork. Sam Ewing Linux is only free if your time has no value. Jamie Zawinski Saying that Java is good because it works on all platforms is like saying anal sex is good because it works on all genders. Unknown In software, we rarely have meaningful requirements. Even if we do, the only measure of success that matters is whether our solution solves the customer’s shifting idea of what their problem is. Jeff Atwood QA Engineer walks into a bar. Orders a beer. Orders 0 beers. Orders 999999999 beers. Orders a lizard. Orders -1 beers. Orders a sfdeljknesv. Bill Sempf I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. Douglas Adams There are only two kinds of programming languages: those people always bitch about and those nobody uses. Bjarne Stroustrup No matter how slick the demo is in rehearsal, when you do it in front of a live audience, the probability of a flawless presentation is inversely proportional to the number of people watching, raised to the power of the amount of money involved. Mark Gibbs Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning. Rich Cook Some people, when confronted with a problem, think, “I know, I’ll use regular expressions.” Now they have two problems. Jamie Zawinski The most amazing achievement of the computer software industry is its continuing cancellation of the steady and staggering gains made by the computer hardware industry. Henry Petroski There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don’t believe this to be a coincidence. Jeremy S. Anderson Walking on water and developing software from a specification are easy if both are frozen. Edward V Berard In C++ it’s harder to shoot yourself in the foot, but when you do, you blow off your whole leg. Bjarne Stroustrup If debugging is twice as hard as writing the code in the first place. Therefore, if you write the code as cleverly as possible, you are, by definition, not smart enough to debug it. Brian Kernighan Most software today is very much like an Egyptian pyramid with millions of bricks piled on top of each other, with no structural integrity, but just done by brute force and thousands of slaves. Alan Kay Writing the first 90 percent of a computer program takes 90 percent of the time. The remaining ten percent also takes 90 percent of the time and the final touches also take 90 percent of the time. N.J. Rubenking If debugging is the process of removing software bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in. E. W. Dijkstra On two occasions I have been asked, ‘Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out?’ I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question. Charles Babbage In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they’re not. Yogi Berra There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult. C. A. R. Hoare

Technology for Country Folk –Hilarious--

Why Puppies Are Better Than Boyfriends Puppies won't ask you if it's the best puppy you've ever had. A puppy always comes to you when you call it. If you show affection for a puppy, it returns it with no strings attached. All you need to do for a puppy to love you forever is feed it and not beat it with heavy blunt objects. Puppies love you unconditionally. It's OK if your PUPPY gets fleas from another puppy. You can put a puppy on a leash and snap it back if it tries to sniff other puppies. Your puppy will never leave you for your roommate, best friend, or someone with bigger breasts / more money / better looks / a better body / etc. Puppies urinating in the front lawn is normal. Puppies don't "bite the hand that feeds them." Puppies are easier to train to do simple tasks. A puppy never conspires with other puppies to play with your mind. Puppies never leave en masse to check out puppies in the other room. A puppy won't give you a lot of backtalk for no apparent reason. You can train your puppy to do tricks--like play dead "all day." If you have a neighbour you don't like, you won't be as embarrassed if your Puppy poops all over his lawn. Puppies don't even pretend to know how to fix whatever they break. Puppies won't get jealous of all of your male friends. Neutering your boyfriend, as practical as it may seem, is harder to justify. A Puppy's face in the toilet bowl is less alarming. Puppies don't leave the toilet seat up. Puppies don't have to show other puppies that it's "the puppy of its house." Puppies attract men; boyfriends drive them away. Puppies don't do dishes, but at least they attempt to lick their own plate clean. Puppies won't ask "Why don't you look like THAT?" when watching TV. Puppies actually look attractive with a full body of hair. Puppies don't mind staying home with the kids. Because puppies can't read maps; they have a GOOD excuse for getting lost. Puppies don't have double-standards. There's no such thing as an EX-puppy...