uk666

EartH

True The next person loathes Apple.

Body elbow

from

So what if I don't know what Armageddon means? It's not the end of the world

The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children.

Why do women make better soldiers? Because they can bleed for a week and not die.

Where do you get virgin wool? -- Ugly sheep.

What did the pirate say when he turned 80? Aye matey.

Want to look thinner? Hang out with fat people.

I pretend to work here, they pretend to pay me.

I get plenty of exercise - jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines.

What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? Put it on my bill.

A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says: "Sorry, we don't serve food in here."

What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye deer.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Magical Photos Of California’s Wildflower Super Bloom The deserts of southern California erupted in color last weekend as a carpet of purple sand verbena, white dune evening primroses, orange poppies and other wildflowers emerged in a super bloom that one ranger called “flower-geddon.” “This kind of huge bloom happens maybe once a decade,” says Jim Dice, research manager at the Anza-Borrego Desert Research Center who hasn’t seen so spectacular a bloom since 2005. Anza-Borrego Desert State Park, California Lake Elsinore, California Anza-Borrego Desert State Park, California Lake Elsinore, California Lake Street, California Anza-Borrego Desert State Park, California Anza-Borrego Desert State Park

Chuck Berry, the forefather of rock ‘n roll, has died at age 90. Berry, pictured in 1965, had his first hit in the 1950s Chuck Berry, the guitarist and songwriter recognised as one of the fathers of rock 'n' roll, has died aged 90. Berry's seven-decade career boasted a string of hits, including classics Roll Over Beethoven and Johnny B. Goode. He received a lifetime achievement Grammy in 1984 and was among the first inductees to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 1986. His death was confirmed by police in the US state of Missouri. The singer was found unresponsive at 12:40 local time (17:40 GMT) on Saturday, St Charles County police said in a statement. He could not be revived and was pronounced dead at 13:26. "The St. Charles County Police Department sadly confirms the death of Charles Edward Anderson Berry Sr., better known as legendary musician Chuck Berry," it said. High-profile musicians were quick to pay tribute to Berry's talent and influence. Motown legends The Jacksons tweeted: "Chuck Berry merged blues & swing into the phenomenon of early rock'n'roll. In music, he cast one of the longest shadows. Thank You Chuck." Singer-songwriter Huey Lewis described him as "maybe the most important figure in all of rock and roll". "His music and influence will last forever," he added. Beatles drummer Ringo Starr quoted one of Berry's own lyrics on Twitter, saying: "Just let me hear some of that rock 'n' roll music any old way you use it." "I am playing I'm talking about you," he wrote. Both the Beatles and the Rolling Stones covered Berry's songs, as did The Beach Boys and scores of other acts - including Elvis. "If you tried to give rock 'n' roll another name," John Lennon once said, "you might call it 'Chuck Berry'." Mick Jagger of the Rolling Stones said that Berry "lit up our teenage years and blew life into our dreams". Singer Bruce Springsteen called him "a giant for the ages". The novelist Stephen King noted that Berry had a long life for a consummate rock'n'roller, tweeting: "Chuck Berry died. This breaks my heart, but 90 years old ain't bad for rock and roll. Johnny B. Goode forever." Berry was born in St Louis, Missouri, in 1926, and had his first hit, Maybellene, in 1955. He went on to score a succession of hits that were aimed at adolescent audiences, transcending the colour bar that plagued many contemporary black artists. Last year, he announced he would be releasing his first album in nearly four decades. He dedicated it to his wife of 68 years, Themetta "Toddy". The album, titled Chuck, was recorded in St Louis, Missouri. It will be released later this year, though a date has not been set. Chuck Berry - Johnny B. Goode (Live 1958): https://youtu.be/6ROwVrF0Ceg Roll Over Beethoven - Chuck Berry LIVE: https://youtu.be/kT3kCVFFLNg Chuck Berry - Maybellene https://youtu.be/75RiHJGfyUE

POTUS One day in the future, Donald Trump has a heart-attack and dies. He immediately goes to Hell, where the devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves" Donald thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room. In it was Barack Obama and a large pool of water. Barack kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dived in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell. "No," Donald said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and it would ruin my hair. I don't think I could do that all day long." The devil led him to the door of the next room. In it was Al Gore with a sledge-hammer and a room full of rocks. all he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No, this is no good; I've got his problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented Donald. The devil opened a third door. Through it, Donald saw Bill Clinton , lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. Donald looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah man, I can handle this." The devil smiled and said........... "OK, Monica, you're free to go."

50 Shades of Golf Four guys have been going to the same golfing trip to St Andrews for many years. Two days before the group is due to leave, Jack's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going and that she's got something else planned. Naturally, Jack's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do? Two days later, the three get to St Andrews only to find Jack sitting at the bar with four drinks set up! "Wow, Jack, how long you been here, and how did you talk your missus into letting you go?" "Well, actually, I've been here since last night. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my living room chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and asked, 'Guess who?" I pulled her hands off, and there she was, wearing only a see-through nightie. She took my hand and pulled me into our bedroom. On her bedside table I saw the book '50 Shades of Grey'. She had lit candles and sprinkled rose petals around and on the bed she had handcuffs and ropes! Then she slipped off her nightie, laid on the bed and said, "Okay tie me up, hand-cuff me to the bed, and do whatever you want." "So, here I am!"

Storm Over A Field

Because he loved her first

comes

SautoirS