uk666

Glasgow Library A bloke walks into a Glasgow library and says to the prim librarian, “Excuse me, Miss, dey ye hae ony books on suicide?” To which she stops doing her tasks, looks at him over the top of her glasses and says, “Buggeroff, ye’ll no bring it back!”

The Apron Test Ready to put on my apron to start some baking. What does your taste in aprons say about you, take this quick quiz to learn your cooking style! Pick the apron that appeals to you the most:

Scientists Discover Evidence of Oldest Life on Earth Ancient life: These clumps of iron and filaments show similarities to modern microbes Science nerds are still giddy from last week’s discovery of seven earth-sized planets orbiting a nearby star, in part because it brings researchers closer to the most tantalizing question of all: How can we find life on other planets? It would help if we had some idea of how life started on earth. A geological breakthrough announced on Wednesday in Nature makes that question slightly easier to answer. Scientists examining the chemical makeup of some of the Earth’s oldest rocks, located in northwestern Canada, may have found the oldest-known chemical fossils of bacteria. The team believes they are the remains of microbes that thrived near volcanic vents on the sea floor from 3.8 to 4.3 billion years ago. Matthew Dodd, a Ph.D. student at the London Centre for Nanotechnology, and seven colleagues offered several lines of evidence to support their claim. The chemical patterns they found look just like known deposits of vent-loving microbes in much more recent samples from other locations. And the compounds they identified through laser imaging are consistent with the waste and remains of iron-eating bacteria that live near hydrothermal vents today. Iron-rich tubes from the Quebec rocks provide additional evidence for life As geologists push the oldest evidence for life farther, back in time, and as astronomers pivot from finding planets to studying the chemicals they are made of, these far-flung fields of science will increasingly converge on the search for life elsewhere. The authors conclude their paper by inviting astronomers to join in their research. "Given this new evidence ... ancient submarine-hydrothermal vent systems should be viewed as potential sites for the origins of life on Earth, and thus primary targets in the search for extra-terrestrial life." bbc Artwork: Life appears to have started hundreds of millions of years after the formation of Earth

Prison vs. Work In prison, you spend the majority of your time in an 8' X 10' cell. At work, you spend most of your time in a 6' X 8' cubicle. In prison, you get three meals a day. At work, you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for that one. In prison, you get time off for good behaviour. At work, you are rewarded for good behaviour with more work. At work you must carry around a security card, unlock, and open all the doors yourself. In prison, a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you. In prison, you can watch TV and play games. At work, you are fired for watching TV and playing games. In prison, they ball-and-chain you when you go somewhere. At work, you are just ball and chained. In prison, you get your own loo. At work, you have to share. In prison, they allow your family and friends to visit. At work, you cannot even speak to your family and friends. In prison, taxpayers pay all expenses, with no work required. At work, you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for the prisoners. In prison, you spend most of your life looking through bars from the inside wanting to get out. At work, you spend most of your time wanting to get out and inside bars. In prison, you can join many programs, which you can leave at any time. At work, there are some programs you can never get out of. In prison, you have full medical coverage with no deductibles. At work, you get partial coverage and pay all the deductibles. In prison, there are wardens who are often sadistic. At work, we have managers. In prison when a judge said you got life, you got guaranteed security for life. At work, you got laid off when they thought you're old. In prison, they will pay my way through school to learn a new career and give me time to do it. At work, they will pay for my education but I must do it on my own time.

Why she left me She told me we couldn’t afford beer anymore & I’d have to quit buying it. Then I discovered she had spent $65.00 on make-up. I asked her why I had to give up stuff I wanted & she didn’t have to She said she needed the make-up to look pretty for me. I told her that’s what the beer was for. I don’t think she’s coming back!

How to recruit the right person for the job Put 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an open window. Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door. Leave them alone, come back after 6 hours, and then analyse the situation. If they are counting the bricks. Put them in the accounts department. If they are recounting them. Put them in auditing. If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks. Put them in engineering. If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order. Put them in planning. If they are throwing the bricks at each other. Put them in operations. If they are sleeping. Put them in security. If they have broken the bricks into pieces. Put them in Information technology. If they are sitting idle. Put them in human resources. If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has been moved. Put them in sales. If they have already left for the day. Put them in marketing. If they are staring out of the window. Put them on strategic planning. And then last but not least. If they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been moved. Congratulate them and put them in top management.

Elizabeth Barrett Browning — English Poet born on March 06, 1806, died on June 29, 1861 Elizabeth Barrett Browning was one of the most prominent English poets of the Victorian era. Her poetry was widely popular in Britain and the United States during her lifetime.

Mary Kay Ash — American Businesswoman born on May 12, 1918, died on November 22, 2001 Mary Kay Ash was an American businesswoman and founder of Mary Kay Cosmetics, Inc.

Og Mandino — American Author born on December 12, 1923, died on September 03, 1996 Augustine "Og" Mandino II was an American author. He wrote the bestselling book The Greatest Salesman in the World. His books have sold over 50 million copies and have been translated into over twenty-five different languages.

Rosa Parks — American Activist born on February 04, 1913, died on October 24, 2005 Rosa Louise McCauley Parks was an American civil rights activist, whom the United States Congress called "the first lady of civil rights" and "the mother of the freedom movement".

Warren Buffett — American Businessman born on August 30, 1930, Warren Edward Buffett is an American business magnate, investor and philanthropist. He is the most successful investor in the world. Buffett is the chairman, CEO and largest shareholder of Berkshire Hathaway, and is consistently ranked among the world's wealthiest people.