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Bathroom Boy: Can I go to the bathroom? Teacher: Only if you can say the alphabet Boy: OK abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz Teacher: Where's the p? Boy: "Half way down my leg....

Doctors were told to contribute to the construction of a new hospital wing at the hospital. What was their reaction? The allergists voted to scratch it. The dermatologists preferred no rash moves. The gastroenterologists had a gut feeling about it. The neurologists thought the administration had a lot of nerve. The obstetricians stated they were laboring under a misconception. The ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted. The orthopedists issued a joint resolution. The pathologists yelled, "over my dead body!" The pediatricians said, "grow up." The proctologists said, "we are in arrears." The psychiatrists thought it was madness. The surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing. The radiologists could see right through it. The internists thought it was a hard pill to swallow. The plastic surgeons said, "this puts a whole new face on the matter." The podiatrists thought it was a big step forward. The urologists felt the scheme wouldn't hold water. The cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.

Last Requests My Wife and I were sitting in the living room, watching TV news about somebody in the hospital on life-support, and I said to her, “Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.” She got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all of my beer.

Sabbath A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a priest and asks for his opinion on this question. After consulting the Bible, the priest says, “My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is work and is therefore not permitted on Sundays.” The man thinks: “What does a priest know about sex?” So he goes to a Lutheran minister, who after all is a married man and experienced in this matter. He queries the minister and receives the same reply: “Sex is work and therefore not for the Sabbath!” Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out a Rabbi, a man of thousands of years’ tradition and knowledge. The Rabbi ponders the question, then states,” My son, sex is definitely play.” The man replies, “Rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others tell me sex is work?” The Rabbi softly speaks, “My son, if sex were work, my wife would have the maid do it.”

Man sues Uber for $47 million, blames app for wife's discovery of his cheating A French man is suing Uber after an apparent bug in the app's software tipped his wife off to the fact that he was having an affair. The man, who has not been identified, is seeking about $47 million (£38 million) in damages from the ride-sharing company, according to France's Le Figaro newspaper. News reports indicate the man once used his wife's phone to access his Uber account in order to request a ride. He claims he logged off of the account on her phone but she continued to receive notifications about his subsequent trips. The man's wife apparently became suspicious about some of the trips she was being notified of, which turned out to be visits to his mistress. The couple has since divorced. The man's lawyer told the Agence France Presse that his client was a "victim of a bug in an application." Other people have apparently been victims of the same bug, having their private ride history revealed to other users, according to Le Figaro's initial report on the lawsuit. Uber did not comment on the details of the lawsuit.

Forgotten and abandoned: Where is the 14-year old Indian boy who invented email? If you’re reading this, you’re online and, as such, you probably have an email account. But have you ever wondered about the origins of email? It’s not exactly a cut-and-dried case, as various forms of electronic messaging have been around since the humble telegraph. Any of you remember Shiva Ayyadurai? Few of you might have heard about him as a person who claimed to have invented email. Now 53 years old, Shiva has almost been forgotten and abandoned despite making the most controversial claim since the advent of Internet. V. A. Shiva Ayyadurai is an Indian-born American scientist and entrepreneur. Shiva is notable for his controversial claim to be the “inventor of email”. His claim is based on the electronic mail software he wrote as a New Jersey high school student in the late 1970s, which he called EMAIL. Shiva has since published a book challenging claims that the American computer programmer Ray Tomlinson invented email and asserting his own claim as its creator. According to Shiva, Tomlinson’s creation in 1971 was a primitive form of text messaging, while he had invented what we know and love as email in 1978 when he was a 14-year-old boy helping out the Newark dental school where his mother worked. While Shiva has steadfastly held on to his claims, no one from the tech world supported him but for Deepak Chopra, the new age spiritual guru, and India’s new prime minister Narendra Modi who has posed for photographs with him. Shiva now a lecturer at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, copyrighted the term ’email’ in 1982 but did not patent it because, he says, it was not possible to patent software at that time. His creation, however, was an inter-office mail system with an inbox and was called ’email’. While Ray Tomlinson went on to hog the limelight for email, Shiva was fighting a lone battle. Tomlinson’s email was different from Shiva’s email. It enabled users on different computers connected to the primitive ARPANET, a precursor to the internet, to send messages to each other. It used the @ symbol to identify the computer from which it was being sent. If you take Shiva for a troll patent thief you should remember that Shiva holds four degrees from MIT, including a Ph.D. in biological engineering, and is a Fulbright Scholar. Also, he has won a $750,000 settlement from the now defunct ‘Theil sued’ Gawker for publishing wrong information about him and his invention. The settlement came as part of a broader settlement with wrestler Hulk Hogan and journalist Ashley Terrill. While Shiva fight’s his lone battle we are using his invention daily without even batting an eyelid for its creator. We hope that the world acknowledges Shiva’s efforts for making email a daily part of our life along with Tomlinson and he gets appreciated suitably. techworm TIME Magazine article on The Man who Invented Email

System admin cause $1.1 million loss After being fired, this sys-admin used VPN to hack and plant his own software and cause a $1.1 million loss to his employer Getting a pink slip is a bad news for anybody. Some take it in the stride while others take to Twitter and Facebook to rant about it. Very few are likely to go to an extreme and cause loss to their ex-employer. Brian Johnson, 44, of Baton Rouge, Louisiana, US is one such system admin who didn’t lightly to his employer sacking him and decided to make a big mess of it before being caught and landing in prison for 34 months. The Register reports that Johnson was working in a paper making factory called Georgia-Pacific for several years. On the fateful Valentine’s Day of 2014, the company decided to fire him. Johnson did not take the company’s decision in the right spirit and decided to get even with it. Johnson hacked into Georgia-Pacific servers using VPN once his employment was terminated. Once back inside the corporate network, he installed his own software and targeted the paper factory’s Port Hudson branch, which produces paper towels and tissues 24 hours a day. Johnson caused a $1.1 million loss to Georgia-Pacific during his two-week hacking campaign. Johnson’s vendetta was going well but somehow raised eyebrows at Georgia-Pacific who called in FBI to investigate into the matter. After a detailed investigation, FBI raided Johnson’s home exactly thirteen days after he was fired. They seized a laptop in which they found a VPN connection which Johnson used to log into company’s servers. Further investigation of Johnson’s laptop and his broadband router got FBI enough evidence to bust him. Johnson pleaded guilty to hacking and willful damage charges last year. On Wednesday, a Louisiana district court judge sentenced Johnson 34 months in prison. Johnson was also penalized $1,134,828 for damages to his employer, which he must repay over and above the prison term.

AMD’s Ryzen 7 - 1800X sets a new world record in performance benchmark AMD – the processor chip manufacturer – officially unveiled details of its new line of Ryzen CPUs at its Tech Day event in San Francisco, CA on Tuesday. It displayed the new Ryzen 7 series processors, an eight-core 16-thread family of CPUs that will feature three SKUs: the 1800X, 1700X, and 1700. Just a day after the release, AMD’s new Ryzen 7 1800X has broken the world record for performance in CPU benchmarking suite Cinebench R15. The multi-threaded run of Cinebench R15 was completed at 5.2GHz on a Ryzen 7 1800X on all 8 cores with LN2 (liquid nitrogen) cooling that ensured the chip remained operational at -200°C. This model works with a base clock of 3.6 GHz and boost clocks of 4.0 GHz. Other details include an L2 + L3 cache of 20 MB (4 MB + 16 MB) and a TDP of 95W. The testing not only achieved the amazing clock speed but also managed to get a Cinebench score of 2449 in multi-threaded tests. AMD’s Ryzen 7 1800X scored 2449 Cinebench points at 5.2GHz, beating out the previous world record of 2410. Considering the price tag of AMD Ryzen 7 1800X is just $499, which is much, much lower price compared to Intel alternatives (i7 6900K going for $1,049), it is truly an amazing feat and a promising sign indeed for how the CPU might compare to its competition. AMD's benchmarks AMD's benchmarks showed that the top Ryzen 7 1800X, compared to the 8-core Intel Core i7-6900K, both at out-of-the-box frequencies, gives an identical score on the single threaded test and a +9% in the multi-threaded test. AMD put this down to the way their multi-threading works over the Intel design. Also, the fact that the 1800X is half of the price of the i7-6900K. In a similar vein, again with the Cinebench 15 multi-threaded test, the Ryzen 7 1700X scores over and above the Core i7-6800K (its price competition) and higher than the Core i7-6900K which costs 2.5 times as much. Processor will be available for pre-order and will receive their purchase starting March 2. anandtech

Witches are putting a spell on Donald Trump at midnight Today Print this picture to take part Donald Trump’s presidency has cast a pall over the nation, so now witches are casting a spell against him. A document making its rounds among the witch community is asking people who practice the craft to perform a monthly binding ritual until the president is removed from office. In order to work, the mass spell must be performed at midnight EST on every waning crescent moon. The first one is happening on Friday and will be followed by similar spell cast events on March 26, April 24 and May 23 and beyond. Unless, of course, Trump is cast out of office before then. Michael M. Hughes, who writes about the paranormal, posted the spell at ExtraNewsFeed last week. He stressed that a binding spell is different than a curse or hex. “It’s a restraint, not harm,” Hughes told The Huffington Post. “I see it as self-defence.” Hughes said he heard that two separate witch groups were planning the spells and asked if he could take it to a wider audience. The spell instructions have gone viral, and there is a group on Facebook dedicated to answering all the questions people may have. Performing the spell takes a good deal of dedication, including amassing the following: Unflattering photo of Trump Tower tarot card Tiny stub of an orange candle or orange carrot A pin or small nail (to inscribe candle) White candle (any size), representing the element of Fire Small bowl of water, representing elemental Water Small bowl of salt, representing elemental Earth Feather (any), representing the element of Air Matches or lighter Ashtray or dish of sand Practitioners are supposed to prepare for by writing “Donald J. Trump” on the orange candle stub with a pin or nail. They then arrange the other items in a circle and lean the Tower card against something so that it is standing up. Hughes suggests reading the 23rd Psalm aloud before beginning the spell by lighting a white candle. Here are some of the spell: “Hear me, oh spirits Of Water, Earth, Fire, and Air Heavenly hosts Demons of the infernal realms And spirits of the ancestors (Light inscribed orange candle stub) I call upon you To bind Donald J. Trump So that he may fail utterly That he may do no harm To any human soul Nor any tree Animal Rock Stream or Sea” Next, practitioners are supposed to burn the photo with the orange candle, chanting, “So mote it be.” But if that sounds a little too “witchy,” Hughes says a simple “You’re fired!” will also work. The spell is completed by burying the candle stub or carrot, or discarding it in running water. When the ceremony is over, Hughes says it is crucial to ground yourself by laughing loud and hearty since, “Trump hates people laughing at him.” “I’m OK with people calling it a stunt,” he said. “The spell can still be effective. I think it is already working. Some Christian groups are calling for a day of prayer to counteract the spell. That is magic, right there. When people do a ritual, that’s changing consciousness.” Kevin Ambrose, a writer at Christian Nationalism, suggests people protesting the spell recite the 23rd Psalm, coincidentally the same biblical passage recommended by Hughes. As satisfying as a mass spell might seem for Trump detractors, proving it has an effect is another thing altogether. After all, any bad luck Trump experiences after the spell can be attributed to the spell without being disproven. Hughes concedes that but think the actual ritual is therapeutic in and of itself. “If people feel more empowered and less beaten down, that’s valid,” he said. huffingtonpost

Man gifts girlfriend a £1,100 bouquet of banknotes Picking flowers are tricky. Will the recipient even be in the house or will the flowers be destined to rot in a delivery office as postal workers laugh at the heartfelt note? The guy, from Jilin Province, sent of bouquet of bank note flowers worth more than £1,100. Each individual bill in the 10,000 Yuan was rolled into the shape of a rose by a florist in Changchun. The bouquet was then delivered to the man’s girlfriend as a good omen to start the year of the rooster with. When the image was shared to social media, the couple were criticised for the extravagant gift. One person said: ‘I wouldn’t take it if I were his girlfriend. It’s just a way to humiliate your girlfriend and it’s not romantic at all.’ While another was quick to point out that, unlike flowers, the bank notes would not wilt and die within a week.

You know it is hot when.... Hot water comes out of both taps. The best parking spot is determined by shade, not distance. The temperature drops below 32c and you feel chilly. You curse light rain showers because they do not cool anything down, they just add steam. You discover in summer it only takes two fingers to steer a car. You discover you can get sunburnt through your windscreen. You develop a fear of metal door handles, leather seats and seat belt buckles. You break a sweat the instant you step outside, even at 7am. You realise bitumen has a liquid state. You cannot use candles during a romantic dinner, because they melted at lunchtime. You cannot hear or think any more because of the cicadas. While walking barefoot to your car, you do a tightrope act on the white lines in the car park. You catch a cold from having the aircon on full blast all night long. You learn that shopping centres are temples to air conditioning with shops thrown in. Sticking your head in the freezer and standing in your open fridge are both considered normal. A cup full of ice is considered a great snack. A power blackout is life threatening because your aircon and fans stop. No one cares if you walk around with no shoes on. Heck, unless it's a formal occasion no one cares if you skip the shirt too. You keep anything in the fridge... including potatoes, bread and clothing. You can move faster than an Olympic sprinter when you have groceries waiting outside in the car. You will drive to another state on errands, because your car has aircon and your house does not. The effort of towelling yourself off after a shower means you need another shower. You will wait patiently until the day it starts raining to go for a run. You worry your ceiling fan is spinning so fast the blades will break off and kill you. You laugh at this list.

Movie Company Issues Warning Over Fake “Piracy” Fines Several Dutch Internet users received a letter in the mail, asking them to pay a small "settlement" to avoid worse. However, the Dutch movie company on the letterhead has nothing to do with the campaign, which turns out to be an elaborate fraud. For more than a decade copyright holders have been monitoring unauthorized downloads. Traditionally this have resulted in harmless takedown notices but increasingly, these warnings are being turned into settlement demands or automated fines. Rightsholders in the Netherlands are planning similar action, and this week it appeared that the first mass-campaign had gone live. Yesterday, several people received a letter in the mail which accused them of illegal downloading. The letters in question were sent in the name of local distributer Dutch Filmworks and each quotes a standard fine of 150 euros per download. Adding in a classic conversion trick, those who pay within eight days only have to cough up €52.74. The letters look legitimate, especially to people who are unfamiliar with these type of demands. However, the fact that several crucial details are missing, including an IP-address and the name of the pirated movie, should set off alarm bells. After several people reported the apparent scam, Dutch Filmworks confirmed that they have nothing to do with these fines. To avoid any confusion, the movie distributer quickly placed a prominent warning on its website, advising recipients to trash the letters. “There is a fake letter in circulation. Dutch Filmworks do NOT send this letter. Do not pay and throw the letter away,” the movie distributer warns. While the letters look real enough to fool some people, the first mass warnings (with or without fines) have yet to be sent in the Netherlands. When the process happens for real, things might not go as smoothly as copyright holders would like as several Internet providers are refusing to cooperate. Last month, leading Dutch Internet provider Ziggo said it had refused to voluntarily participate in the plan of local anti-piracy group BREIN, who want to send out mass warnings to pirates. If rightsholders want to obtain the personal details of alleged downloaders they will have to go to court first, which hasn’t happened thus far. Until then, it is safe to throw all unsubstantiated piracy letters in the trash. Fake piracy fines are by no means a new phenomenon. Last year many U.S. Internet subscribers were targeted in a similar scam. In this case, the scammers used the name of a known piracy tracking outfit and rights holders such as Lionsgate, to send fake DMCA notices and settlement demands to ISPs. torrentfreak

Top 50 Most Expensive Domain Names Of All Times Domain names were once available free, but that is no longer the case. Almost all good dot-com domain names are registered, and the aftermarket is thriving with millions of dollars in reported sales every week. Below is a list of the most expensive reported domain name sales from a variety of sources, including DNJournal.com and Domaining.com. Note that many industry experts believe over 75% of sales are “non-reported.” – For example, we never report sales and know other brokerages that do not either. The reason is pure and simple — most high-end sales require confidentiality. What is categorized as a domain name sale? A domain name sale is categorized as a sale of what is considered a “raw” domain name — a sale where only the asset is sold, and not the underlying business. For instance, Quinstreet’s 2010 purchase of CarInsurance.com for $49.7 million would be a prime example of a business selling and not a domain name. Facebook’s acquisition of FB.com, on other hand, would be classified as a domain name sale. It’s also important to note that many of the domain names listed below have been re-sold in private transactions since the original, reported purchase date. LasVegas.com - $90,000,000 CarInsurance.com - $49,700,000 Insurance.Com – $35.6 Million In 2010 VacationRentals.Com – $35 Million In 2007 PrivateJet.Com – $30.18 Million In 2012 Internet.Com – $18 Million In 2009 360.Com – $17 Million In 2015 Insure.Com – $16 Million In 2009 Sex.Com – $13 Million In 2010 IRS.Com – $12.5 Million In 2007 Hotels.Com – $11 Million In 2001 Fund.Com – $9.99 Million In 2008 Porn.Com – $9.5 Million In 2007 Porno.Com – $8.88 Million In 2015 FB.Com – $8.5 Million In 2010 RealEstate.Com – $8.25 Million Business.Com – $7.5 Million 1999 Diamond.Com – $7.5 Million In 2006 Beer.Com – $7 Million In 2004 Z.Com – $6.78 Million In 2014 Israel.Com – $5.88 Million Casino.Com – $5.5 Million Slots.Com – $5.5 Million In 2010 Toys.Com – $5.1 Million In 2009 AsSeenOnTV.Com – $5.1 Million In 2000 Property.Com & Properties.Com – Ca.$5 Million SEO.Com – $5 Million In 2007 Korea.Com – $5 Million In 2004 YellowPages.Com – $5 Million Pooxi.Com – $5 Million In 2012 Clothes.Com – $4.9 Million In 2008 Medicare.Com – $4.8 Million In 2014 IG.Com – $4.7 Million In 2013 ICloud.Com – $4.5 Million In 2011 Freeporn.Com – $4 Million In 2008 GiftCard.Com – $4 Million In 2012 YP.Com – $3.85 Million In 2008 MI.Com – $3.6 Million In 2014 Shop.Com – $3.5 Million In 2003 Altavista.Com – $3.3 Million In 1998 Wine.Com – $3.3 Million In 2003 Software.Com – $3.2 Million In 2005 Whisky.Com – $3.1 Million In 2014 Sex.Xxx – $3 Million In 2014 Candy.Com – $3 Million In 2009 Vodka.Com – $3 Million In 2006 Loans.Com – $3 Million In 2000 Wines.Com – $2.9 Million In 2004 Shopping.De – $2.85 Million In 2008 CreditCards.Com – $2.75 Million In 2004 Social.Com – $2.6 Million In 2011 Pizza.Com – $2.6 Million In 2008 update Pricecompare.com is one of the expensive domain. On 15th Feb 2017, its price on Godaddy. It was $129,658.09. Another expensive domain similar to this is - FreePriceCompare.com

Bad Domain Names Sometimes, people make stupid decisions, especially when choosing a URL for their website. They do not realise it, but their designated name has an unintentional double meaning when the words are all pushed together in a web browser’s address bar. 1hourscrap.com – Rapid scrapbook making 3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399375105820974944592.com – Pi alterscrap.com – Alter Scrap auctionshit.com – Auctions Hit bendover.com – Ben Dover bendover.com - that is the pseudonym of a porn actor bigalsonline.com – Big Als Online bitefartcafe.rs – Bitef Art Cafe builderscrap.com – now renamed it seems butthatsnotall.co.nz – But that’s Not All childrenswear.co.uk – Childrens Wear choosespain.com – Choose Spain dicksonweb.com – Dickson Web dicksonweb.com – Dickson’s Temperature Instruments expertsexchange.com – Experts Exchange gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooogle.com – a spinoff of the famous search engine gotahoe.com – Go Tahoe ihavegas.com – IHA Vegas Holiday Rentals ipanywhere.com – Internet Protocol Anywhere kidsexchange.net – Kids Exchange ladrape.co.uk – La Drape llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyll-llantysiliogogogoch.com – an actual Welsh town machome.com – Mac Home mammotherection.com – Construction Company michaeljacksonsthisisitmoviemerchandise.com – really? mofo.com – Morrison & Foerster, LLC molestationnursery.com – Mole Station Nursery nobraces.com.au – No Braces nycanal.com – New York Canal Region oddsextractor.com – Odds Extractor partnerstalking.com.au – Partners Talking pedo.org – An actual dentist organization penisland.net – Pen Island powergenitalia.com – Power Gen Italia speedofart.com – Speed of Art swissbit.ch – Germany-based Swissbit sydneytherapist.com – Sydney Therapist teacherstalk.com – Teachers Talk therapistfinder.com – Therapist Finder ultimatesteelerection.com – a construction company out of Idaho viagrafix.com – Via Grafix (renamed to Learn2) webone.com.au – Web One whorepresents.com – Who Represents wintersexpress.com – Winters Express

The Way Engineers Think A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes! Doctor: I don't know but I've never seen such ineptitude! Priest: Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him. Priest: Hi George. Say George, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow aren't they? George: Oh yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight while saving our club house last year. So we let them play here anytime free of charge! (silence) Priest: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight. Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them. Engineer: Why can't these guys play at night?

Hi mewhitefish, welcome to CP

A birthday treat A wife decides to take her husband Dave to a strip club for his birthday. They arrive at the club, and the doorman says, “Hey, Dave! How ya doing?” His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before. “Oh, no,” says Dave. “He’s on my bowling team.” When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he’d like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,”How did she know that you drink Budweiser?” “She’s in the Ladies’ Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them.” A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says “Hi, Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?” Dave’s wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book. The cabby turns his head and says, “Looks like you picked up an angry one tonight, Dave.”

Baby vole eating blackberries in the afternoon.

Fake Pornhub apps are spreading online to lock you out of your Android device Be careful about streaming some of those sexytime videos online on your smartphone - your device might just end up getting locked up and held hostage. According to cybersecurity company ESET, fake Pornhub apps are out to infect Android smartphones, locking users out from using them, and then demanding ransom money to set the phone free. Google does not allow this App to be hosted on the Play Store. This then led consumers of the service into looking for the app on the vast web, potentially falling into dangerous and malicious content one way or another. With the possibility of sideloading apps on Android, apps are made available via raw APK files. Since there is no official entry for this App on the store, cybercriminals can easily cloak any app as the adult video service, inject malicious code, and then wait for unsuspecting victims to download the app. If one of the rogue apps is installed, it will first say that it needs to check the phone for viruses before it can play any videos. However, during this process, it is silently installing a ransomware for Android, which will lock a user out of their device. A "police ransomware" lock screen will be displayed subsequently, demanding that the victim pay $100 to be able to unlock the device. The message threatens to take legal action should the victim refuse to pay, but given that one of the lock screen messages has such bad grammar, as shown above, it can easily be seen that the legal issue is not legitimate. To be able to rid the malware for good, ESET instructs victims to start their device in Safe mode, and then revoke the app's Device Administrator privileges. Once these steps are taken, those infected can now proceed with uninstalling the app through Settings. If all else fails, resetting the device to factory settings is still an option. With these rogue software in consideration, it pays to stay away from third-party apps as much as possible. Exercise caution in sideloading APK files as well, as some might contain malware that can compromise you or your device's security. Neowin net

Man accused of masterminding German cyber-attack is arrested A British man suspected of being behind an attack on Deutsche Telekom routers has been arrested at Luton Airport. The November attack hijacked about 900,000 routers and briefly stopped their owners getting online. The UK's National Crime Agency said it arrested the man under a European Arrest Warrant on behalf of Germany's federal criminal police force (BKA). The BKA said it wanted to extradite the 29-year-old to Germany to face charges of computer sabotage. The offence carries a prison sentence of up to 10 years. "He is accused of being the mastermind behind the attack," Cologne public prosecutor Dr Daniel Vollmert told the Press Association. In a statement (in German), the BKA said the attack last year was "particularly serious" and was carried out in a bid to enrol the home routers in a botnet - a network of hijacked machines. Once hijacked, the routers would be used to mount what is known as "distributed denial of service" attacks. These attempts to knock sites and servers offline by sending them more data than they can handle. Federal police are involved, said the statement, because the attack was classed as a threat to Germany's national communication infrastructure. The attack is believed to have been based on a malicious program called Mirai - this crawls the net seeking out devices that are vulnerable to attack because owners have not changed their default settings.

70 Ways to Say Someone is Stupid A brick shy of a full load. A few beers short of a six pack. A few clowns short of a circus. A few feathers short of a whole duck. A few fries short of a happy meal. A few peas short of a casserole. All foam, no beer. An experiment in Artificial Stupidity As bright as a 1/2 watt bulb. As bright as a bag of hammers. As sharp as a butter knife. As smart as bait. As swift as a sailboat on a calm day. As swift as roadkill rabbit. As thick as 2 short planks Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel. Can be kept busy all day with a sheet of paper saying "please turn over" on both sides. Could not pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel. Daft as a brush. Dead from the neck up. Delusions of adequacy. Dense enough to have his own event horizon. Does not have all his dogs on one leash. Doesn't have all his cornflakes in one box Does not have all of their dogs barking. Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair Elevator does not go all the way to the top floor. Forgot to pay his brain bill. Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train is not coming. Has an IQ of 2, but it takes 3 to grunt. He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down. Her sewing machine is out of thread. His antenna does not pick up all the channels. His belt does not go through all the loops. His head has enough free airspace to land a jumbo jet. I would suggest a battle of wits but I refuse to fight an unarmed opponent. If brains were gasoline, you would be hard-pressed to ride a moped around a Cheerio. If he had another brain, it would be lonely If you were twice as smart, you would still be stupid. In the pinball game of life, his flippers were a little farther apart than most. Intelligently impaired. No grain in the silo Not batting on a full wicket. Not running on all thrusters. Not the brightest bulb in the chandelier. Not the brightest crayon in the box. One fruit loop shy of a full bowl. One taco short of a combination plate. One slice of bread short of a sandwich. Pillock. Plonker. Prat. Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse. Receiver is off the hook. Remember when I asked for your opinion? Me neither. Several nuts short of a full pouch. Shit for brains Skylight leaks a little. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, but he just gargled. The cheese slid off his cracker. The wheel is spinning, but the hamster's dead. The lights are on, and no ones home Thinks Megahertz is a unit of pain. Too much yardage between the goal posts. Tried to get the twist out of a Mobius strip. Useless loser. Useless moron. Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear. Wired up right, but not plugged in You have a tendency to make a high rate of poor decisions over time.

25 Thoughts to Get You Through Almost Any Crisis Indecision is the key to flexibility. You cannot tell which way the train went by looking at the track. There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation. Happiness is merely the remission of pain. Nostalgia is not what it used to be. Sometimes too much drink is not enough. The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant. The careful application of terror is also a form of communication. Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world. Things are more like they are today than they ever have been before. Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for. Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler. Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate. I have seen the truth and it makes no sense. Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism. All things being equal, fat people use more soap. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame. One-seventh of your life is spent on Monday. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious. The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on. This is as bad as it can get, but do not bet on it. Never wrestle with a pig: You both get all dirty, and the pig likes it. The trouble with life is, you are halfway through it before you realize it is a "do it yourself" thing.

Driving school test answers The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation is driving school (Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders.) Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road? A: What for? He cannot see my license plate. Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time? A: The pick-up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do." Q: What are the important safety tips to remember when backing your car? A: Always wear a condom. Q: When driving through fog, what should you use? A: Your car. Q: How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident? A: Be too shit-faced to find your keys. Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving? A: I would probably lose my buzz a lot faster. Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully? A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully. Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed? A: Make eye contact and wave "hello" if he/she is cute. Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light? A: The colour. Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic? A: Heavy psychedelics. Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem? A: Carry loaded weapons. Q: Why would it be difficult to be a police officer? A: It would hard to be a dickhead all day long.

10 Marilyn Monroe Quotes Marilyn Monroe was not only known for her looks. She also had some of the best life advice, which still applies today. Read on to learn her best life lessons: 1. Keep smiling, because life is a beautiful thing and there is so much to smile about. Even Marilyn Monroe faced struggles and hardships in life, but she always remembered to smile and make the best out of life. If she could not change the bad, then she managed to deal with it and still enjoy the smile worthy things in life. 2. A career is wonderful, but you cannot curl up with it on cold nights. In our day and age, this is crucial to remember. Do not let work get in the way of one of the most important parts of life: having that one special person to share it with you. Work is work, but a person whom you can talk to and be with is more important. Remember to keep your priorities in life straight, to make time for your life and not to be work oriented. 3. Some things fall apart so that better things can fall together. Remember, when one door closes, another opens and things happen for a reason. As clichéd as this may sound, it is true. Just because something bad happens, it does not mean the world stops; it still keeps going and you have to keep trying in order to succeed. 4. I live to succeed, not to please you or anyone else. Live for yourself: it is your life to live, so do not spend time pleasing others or doing what is expected of you. Do what you enjoy and conquer it for yourself, not for anyone else. 5. I am good, but not an angel. I do sin, but I am not the devil. This sum up life as we know it: no one is not perfect. We are just who we are and we should embrace that, we all have a good and bad side to us, and in a way they complement each other. Embrace who you are as a person: the good and bad in us are like ying and yang; they are balanced and make us who we are. 6. Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius, and it is better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring. Be who you are, and be proud of that; do not follow social norms or be a cookie cutter person. Embrace everything about yourself, and do not be mundane. Stand out, and beat your own drum. Marilyn said this best: there is no better way to sum it up other than to live for yourself and live by this lesson of hers. 7. I want to grow old without a face-lift. I want to have the courage to be loyal to the face I have made. Marilyn was not only confident with her natural beauty, but she was also staying true to the life she was living and the life she believed and encouraged. She wanted to be herself and to stay true to herself; this is something that we should all live by. 8. I am selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best. Be with a person who loves you for you, for who you are no matter what, and who will be there for you. Life is not always perfect and pretty: it can get rough, so do not choose a person who is only there for the good. Be with a person who deserves to be with you because they stand by you and are your teammate in life. 9. We should all start to live before we get too old. Fear is stupid so are regrets. Most people put their lives on hold, and never actually get to do what they dreamed of. Do not be afraid to take a chance and have the life you want to have. You only live once, so make it count, start to live and do not let life pass you by. 10. The real lover is the man who can thrill you by kissing your forehead or smiling into your eyes or just staring into space. Marilyn was right about this. The person in your life, who is possibly ‘The One,’ should not only thrill you sexually. They should also be able to sweep you off your feet by just being themselves with you, or by small romantic gestures, and by being in the moment with you. The real lover is a person who will make your day just by spending time with you.

Valley of Love – Lost Wonders of the World The ancient valley of love is one of the lost Wonders of the World. It was built by a mystery race that inhabited what is now a remote part of Ireland. This valley is more than 3000 years older than the pyramids of Egypt. The only intact structure in this valley referred, as ‘Memorial of joy’ is awe-inspiring. This fantastic stone structure has an equally flabbergasted interior, which is fully functional to this day.