uk666

What did the Navy say to the coast guards……I'll SEAL you later

Hitting Enter Tech support: “What does the screen say now?” Customer: “It says ‘Hit enter when ready.’” Tech support: “Well?” Customer: “How do I know when it’s ready?”

Telemarketer Listen a job is a job; we all need to find a way to put bread on the table, don’t we? To make a long story short I’m a telemarketer that’s my job and that’s what I do. It’s not a job everyone appreciates, but it’s a job I enjoy and am proud of. The other day I called a house and a real nice lady answered the phone, she was really helpful and friendly, she was the type of lady that helps a telemarketer get through a long day. After some pleasantries I asked if Mr. Smith was in, “I’m sorry”, she answered “I’m afraid he doesn’t live here anymore.” Now that was a real disappointment being that she was a nice lady and all, but I took it all in a stride, “I’m sorry to hear that ma’am. Do you happen to have his new number?” “Sure thing!” The woman cheerfully replied, listing off his new number. I hung up the phone and quickly called the new number and was surprised to hear a recording: “Thank you for calling Green Acres Cemetery…”

http://www.mediafire.com/file/7yvcp0i0bbbssvj/dla.rar/file How to use see - Rædwulf post.

Try Rædwulf post - Windows 10 Digital License Activation Script v7.0 http://www.cyberphoenix.org/forum/topic/689801-windows-10-pro-activation-product-key/

54 Geek T-Shirt slogans 1. Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted. 2. COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key. 3. Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster. 4. 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2. 5. Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are. 6. Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes. 7. My software never has bugs. It just develops random features. 8. C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN 9. C:\WINDOWS C:\WINDOWS\GO C:\PC\CRAWL 10. <----------------The information went data way----------- 11. Best file compression around: "DEL . " = 100% compression 12. The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in. 13. BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding 14. The name is Baud....... James Baud. 15. BUFFERS FILES_ 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go! 16. Access denied - nah nah na nah nah! 17. c:\> Bad Command or file name! Go stand in the corner. 18. Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay... 19. Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!" 20. As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing. 21. Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope) 22. Backups? We don't NEED no steenking backups. 23. E Pluribus Modem 24. >... File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N) 25. Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny 26. A mainframe: The biggest PC peripheral available. 27. An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting. 28. CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington, D.C.? (Y/N) 29. Does fuzzy logic tickle? 30. A computer's attention span is as long as its power cord. 31. 11th commandment - Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s Pentium. 32. 24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case... coincidence? 33. Disinformation is not as good as datinformation. 34. Windows: Just another pane in the glass. 35. SENILE.COM found ... Out of Memory... 36. Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk? 37. Ultimate office automation: networked coffee. 38. RAM disk is not an installation procedure. 39. Shell to DOS... Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS... 40. All computers wait at the same speed. 41. Computer: A device designed to speed and automate errors. 42. Press [CTRL ALT DEL] to continue... 43. Smash forehead on keyboard to continue... 44. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue... 45. ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI! 46. E-mail returned to sender - insufficient voltage. 47. Help! I'm modeming... and I can't hang up!!! 48. Go ahead, make my data. 49. Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue. 50. "640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981 51. DOS Tip #17: Add DEVICE=FNGRCRS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS 52. Hidden DOS Secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS 53. Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE! 54. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...

Apple Inc. has developed a new high-tech toilet……The details are not yet clear, but the company is torn between two names for the new device: Either the iPood, or the iPeed.

If you love someone, set him free……If he comes back, I think we can charge him for re-installation fees, but tell him that he's getting an upgrade.

I realised the impact of computers on my young son one evening when there was a dramatic sunset……Pointing to the western sky, David said……I wish we could click and save that.

My husband told me that I am one of the eight wonders of the world......I warned him not to let me catch him with any of the other seven

Archaeologists in Ireland thought they had discovered a mass snowmen grave......Turned out to be a field full of carrots

I asked this Australian bloke how far away I was from Queensland……He replied, "It's 20 clicks away mate." Things must be bad if they've started speaking dolphin.

It was a very emotional wedding……Even the cake was in tiers!

Whistle Murphy and his wife went for a stroll in the park. They sit down on a bench to rest for a while. Soon they overhear voices coming from a secluded spot nearby. Suddenly, Mrs. Murphy realises that a young man is about to propose. Not wanting to be eavesdropping during such an intimate moment, she gently nudges her husband and whispers, "Whistle, to let that young couple know that someone can hear them." To which Murphy replies: "Whistle? Why should I whistle? Nobody whistled to warn me?"

Perspective A woman walks in a store to return a pair of eyeglasses that she had purchased for her husband a week before. "What seems to be the problem, madam?" "I'm returning these glasses I bought for my husband. He's still not seeing things my way."

Guide Dogs Two men walking their dogs met outside a bar. After chatting a while, one suggested they go inside for a drink. The man with the Chihuahua said, "Good idea, but the sign says 'No Dogs'." The man with the golden retriever smiled and said, "No problem. Follow me and do what I do." As he entered the bar, the bartender yelled, "Hey, buddy, no dogs allowed in here!" The guy replied, "Oh, he's my seeing-eye dog." So, the bartender relented, but then he spotted the other guy. "I'm sorry, sir, but no dogs are allowed in my bar." The second guy echoed the first, "But he's my seeing-eye dog." The bartender looked sceptical, "Your seeing-eye dog is a Chihuahua?" "What! They gave me a Chihuahua?!"

Well done - You did it

kingfisher - one in a million pictures A picture of a kingfisher hovering above the water moments before diving for a fish has been described as a "once in a lifetime" shot by wildlife experts. The bird was captured by keen amateur photographer Paul Gregory, from Clifton, at Attenborough Nature Reserve in Nottinghamshire, England on Saturday morning. Mr Gregory, 57, said the image, which has been shared widely on social media, was a case of being in the "right place at the right time". Tim Sexton, a manager at the Nottinghamshire Wildlife Trust-run reserve, said to capture the bird in an angel-like pose was extremely rare. The trust said birdwatchers usually only see a "flash of blue" as the bird flies past. Mr Gregory, who had been sitting in a hide for about two hours before seeing the bird, said: "I didn't expect [to see any kingfishers] as the water was a bit weedy. "Then I had the first sighting at about 9 and then I got that display. "It was so rewarding as in the last year I've had nothing. Patience is a virtue." Mr Sexton said most pictures of kingfishers, which hunt for minnows and sticklebacks in shallow pools of water, show them perching. "Action shots like this don't happen that often," he said. "It's a real top quality picture and a one in a million shot."