uk666

What do you call a bull that likes taking a nap.…..A bulldozer!

Give a man a fish and you will feed him for the day……Teach a man to fish and he’s going to spend a fortune on gear he’ll only be using twice a year.

What's the difference between a bachelor and a married man……Bachelor comes home, checks out what's in the fridge & goes to bed. Married man comes home, checks out what's in the bed & goes to the fridge.

Wife: It’s our wedding anniversary in a week, darling. How do you think we should celebrate……Husband: With a minute of silence.

What do you call the soft tissue between a shark's teeth……A slow swimmer.

Marriage is an institution of three rings……Engagement ring, Wedding ring and Suffering.

What do you get, when you wake up on a workday and realise you ran out of coffee……A depresso.

I tried to re-marry my ex-wife……But she figured out I was only after my money.

Doctor says to the patient: Your coughing sounds much better……The patient replies: And no wonder. I spent a lot of time practising.

Losing a wife can be very tough……Some may even say impossible.

Change Your Mind At a jury trial with the jury consisting of 8 men and 4 women. Defendant: "Your Honor, I wish to change my plea." Judge: "Is someone using undue influence to prompt you to change your mind?" Defendant: "No sir, when I pleaded Not Guilty, I didn't know there would be women on the jury." "Since I can't even fool my wife, I'll never be able to fool the four women jurors."

Younger Looking My wife had just bought a new line of expensive cosmetics absolutely guaranteed to make her looks years longer. She sat in front of the mirror for what had to be hours applying the "miracle" products. Finally, when she was done, she turned to me and said, "Honey, honestly now, what age would you say I am?" I nodded my head in assessment, and carefully said, "Well, honey, judging from your skin, twenty. Your hair, mmmm, eighteen. Your figure, twenty-five." "Oh, you're so sweet!" she happily exclaimed. "Well, hang on, I'm not done adding it up yet……"

It's not true that married men live longer than single men……It only seems longer.