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uk666

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Posts posted by uk666

  2. Posted · Report reply

    Marriage Quotes

     

    When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
    – Lee Majors
     
    After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together.
    – Al Gore
     
    By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
    – Socrates
     
    Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
    – Mike Tyson
     
    The great question… which I have not been able to answer… is, “What does a woman want?
    – George Clooney
     
    I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
    – Bill Clinton
     
    “Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.”
    – George W. Bush
     
    “I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.”
    – Rudy Giuliani
     
    “There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.”
    – Michael Jordan
     
    “I’ve had bad luck with all my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.” The third gave me more children!
    – Donald Trump
     
    Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming

       1. Whenever you’re wrong, admit it,

       2. Whenever you’re right, shut up.

    – Shaquille O’Neal
     
    The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once…
    – Kobe Bryant
     
    You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
    – David Hasselhoff
     
    My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
    – Alec Baldwin
     
    A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.
    – Barack Obama
     
    Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
    – Tommy Lee
     
    A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: “Wife wanted”. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”
    – Brad Pitt
     
    First Guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel!” Second Guy: “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”
    – Jimmy Kimmel
     
    “Honey, what happened to ‘ladies first’?” Husband replies, “That’s the reason why the world’s a mess today, because a lady went first!”
    – David Letterman
     
    “First there’s the promise ring, then the engagement ring, then the wedding ring…soon after….comes Suffer…ing!
    – Jay Leno
     
    • Like 1

  3. Posted · Report reply

    Drunken cowboy

     

    A drunken cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in a Calgary theatre.

     
    When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the cowboy, “Sorry, sir, but you’re only allowed one seat.” The cowboy groaned but didn’t budge. The usher became more impatient:
     
    “Sir, if you don’t get up from there I’m going to have to call the manager.” Once again, the cowboy just groaned.
     
    The usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no success.
     
    Finally they summoned the police.
     
    The Officer surveyed the situation briefly then asked, “All right buddy what’s your name?”
     
    “Sam,” the cowboy moaned.
     
    “Where ya from, Sam?” asked the Policeman.
     
    With terrible pain in his voice, and without moving a muscle, Sam replied, 
     
    “__the balcony__”
    • Like 2
    • Haha 1

  7. Posted · Report reply

    The Shadow Project

     

    shadow_15.jpg

     

    Watch your back! In The Shadow Project, Brooklyn photographer Katie Sokoler matched unsuspecting pedestrians with whimsical construction paper shadows. Sokoler hid out with her camera to capture the moment that subjects walked into art.

    • Like 2

  8. Posted · Report reply

     

    Money can make you do funny things

    A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour. 

     

    Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.”

     

    After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. A few seconds and a satisfying glance later, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

     

    The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks:

     

    “Who was that?”

     

    “It was Bob, from next door,” she replies.

     

    “Great,” the husband says, “did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”

     

    • Like 2

  10. Posted · Report reply

    The Age Barometer

     

    480_l.jpeg

     

    How many do you remember?

     

    1. Blackjack chewing gum

    2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water

    3. Candy cigarettes

    4. Soda pop machines that dispensed bottles

    5. Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes

    6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers

    7. Party lines

    8. Newsreels before the movie

    9. P.F. Flyers

    10. Butch wax

    11. Telephone numbers with a word prefix (Olive - 6933)

    12. Peashooters

    13. Howdy Doody

    14. 45 RPM records

    15. S&H Green Stamps

    16. Hi-fi's

    17. Metal ice trays with levers

    18. Mimeograph paper

    19. Blue flashbulbs

    20. Beanie and Cecil

    21. Roller skate keys

    22. Cork popguns

    23. Drive-ins

    24. Studebakers

    25. Wash tub wringers

     

    If you remembered 0-5 = You're still young

    If you remembered 6-10 = You are getting older

    If you remembered 11-15 = Don't tell your age

    If you remembered 16-25 = You're older than dirt

    • Like 1

  13. Posted · Report reply

     

    Engineers vs. Business Executives....

     

    Engineers and scientists will never make as much money as business executives. Now a rigorous mathematical proof has been developed that explains why this is true:

     

    Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.

    Postulate 2: Time is Money.

     

    As every engineer knows,

    Work = Power * Time

     

    Since Knowledge = Power, and Time = Money, we have:

     

    Work = Knowledge x Money

     

    Solving for Money, we get:

     

    Money = Work ÷ Knowledge

     

    Thus, as Knowledge decreases, Money increases, regardless of

    how much Work is done.

     

    Conclusion: The Less you Know, the More you Make.

    • Like 2

  15. Posted · Report reply

    A family was walking in store when the father sees a robot.

     

    The tag says that the robot slaps anyone who lies. Intrigued, the man buys it and tests it at the dinner table.

     

    “So son, where were you after school today?” the dad asks, the robot next to him.

     

    “Oh, I was at the library studying for my test.” The robot slaps the son.

     

    “Okay, okay, I was at a friend’s house watching something.” the son admits.

     

    “What were you watching?” the father asks.

     

    “Cartoons,” he says.

     

    The robot slaps the son’s face.

     

    “Alright, I’m sorry, I was watching dirty movies” he confesses.

     

    The father frowns at the son. “I’m disappointed in you. When I was your age, I never watched or even thought about watching that type of thing.”

     

    The robot slaps the father hard.

     

    The mother, who was watching all this, laughed. “Well, he certainly is your son.”

     

    The robot then slaps the mother.

    • Like 2

  17. Posted · Report reply

     

    Here are some facts from the USA, last turn of the century.

     

    * The average life expectancy in the US was forty-seven.

     

    * Only 14 Percent of the homes in the US had a bathtub.

     

    * Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone. A three-minute call from Denver to New York City cost eleven dollars.

     

    * There were only 8,000 cars in the US and only 144 miles of paved roads.

     

    * The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.

     

    * Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more heavily populated than California. With a mere 1.4 million residents, California was only the 21st most populous state in the Union.

     

    * The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower.

     

    * The average wage in the US was 22 cents an hour. The average US worker made between $200 and $400 per year.

     

    * A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, a dentist $2,500 per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.

     

    * More the 95 percent of all births in the US took place at home.

     

    * Ninety percent of all US physicians had no college education. Instead, they attended medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press and by the government as "substandard".

     

    * Sugar cost four cents a pound. Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen. Coffee cost fifteen cents a pound

     

    * Most women only washed their hair once a month and used borax or egg yolks for shampoo.

     

    * Canada passed a law prohibiting poor people from entering the country for any reason, either as travelers or immigrants.

     

    * The five leading causes of death in the US were: 1. Pneumonia and influenza; 2. Tuberculosis; 3. Diarrhea; 4. Heart disease; 5. Stroke.

     

    * The American flag had 45 stars. Arizona, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Hawaii and Alaska hadn't been admitted to the Union yet.

     

    * Drive-by shootings in which teenage boys galloped down the street on horses and started randomly shooting at houses, carriages, or anything else that caught their fancy- were an ongoing problem in Denver and other cities in the West.

     

    * The population of Las Vegas, Nevada was 30. The remote desert community was inhabited by only a handful of ranchers and their families.

     

    * Plutonium, insulin, and antibiotics hadn't been discovered yet. Scotch tape, crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea hadn't been invented.

     

    * There were no Mother's Day or Father's Day. One in ten US adults couldn't read or write. Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school.

     

    * Some medical authorities warned that professional seamstresses were apt to become sexually aroused by the steady rhythm, hour after hour, of the sewing machine's foot pedals. They recommended slipping bromide - which was thought to diminish sexual desire - into the women's drinking water.

     

    * Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at corner drugstores. According to one pharmacist, "Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and the bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health."

     

    * Punch-card data processing had recently been developed, and early predecessors of the modern computer were used for the first time by the government to help compile the 1900 census.

     

    * Eighteen percent of households in the US had at least one full-time servant or domestic.

     

    * There were about 230 reported murders in the US annually.

    • Like 1

  19. Posted · Edited by Tech 425
    Video Fixed     · Report reply

     

    A two-year-old adrenaline junkie has wowed internet users with his tricks on the skateboard.

     

    Kahlei Stone-Kelly, a 2-year-old boy from Victoria, Australia, is probably the world's youngest skateboarder. The toddler prodigy has been skateboarding since since he was six months old and comes from the family of skate enthusiasts who compete around the country as a team. A video of Kahlei's skateboarding skills has gone viral on Facebook

    • Like 1
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