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uk666

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Posts posted by uk666

  13. Posted · Report reply

    Analysis Of Character By Method Of Urination (Rude)

    1. Excitable - Trousers twisted, cannot find the hole, tears in anger. 
    2. Sociable - Goes for a piss with friends whether he wants to or not. 
    3. Cross-eyed - Looks in urinal on the left and pees in the one on the right. 
    4. Timid - Cannot go if there is anyone there. Pretends to go and comes back later. 
    5. Aggressive - Whistles loudly, checks on everyone else’s progress. 
    6. Indifferent - All the urinals being occupied, will piss in the sink. 
    7. Clever sod - No hands, adjusts tie and waits for applause. 
    8. Worried - Makes casual but close examination. 
    9. Frivolous - Shoots streams in patterns on the wall - will never grow up. 
    10. Absent-minded - Unbuttons waistcoat, takes out tie and pees in his trousers. 
    11. Disgruntled - Waits for a while, grunts, tries to fart, doesn’t succeed, walks out. 
    12. Sneaky - Lets silent but deadly fart out whilst peeing. 
    13. Flashy - Tells rude jokes while peeing, removes drops with great flourish.
    • Haha 1

  14. Posted · Report reply

    Tennis Elbow

    A man got on a bus with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde.

    The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.

    Finally, after many glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."

    The blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking deeply about what he had said.

    After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked:

    "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"

    • Haha 1

  15. Posted · Report reply

    Fingers

    As the woman was trying to pack for vacation, her 3-year-old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. 

    At one point, she said, "Mom, look at this," and stuck out two of her fingers. 

    Trying to keep her entertained, the woman reached out and stuck her daughter’s fingers in her mouth and said, "Mommy gonna eat your fingers!" pretending to eat them before she rushed out of the room again.

    When she returned, her daughter was standing on the bed, staring at her fingers, with a devastated look on her face.

    She asked quietly, "What's wrong honey?"

    "Mommy, where's my booger?"

    • Haha 1

  16. Posted · Report reply

    The 10 Most Important People in a Woman's Life (Bit Rude)

    1. The doctor because he says, "Take off your clothes"
    2. The dentist because he says, "Open Wide"
    3. The hairdresser because he says, "Do you want it teased or blown"
    4. The milkman because he says, "Do you want it in the front or in back?"
    5. The Interior Decorator because he says, "Once you have it all in, you'll love it!"
    6. The banker because he says, “If you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest"
    7. The police officer because he says, "Spread 'em"
    8. The mailman because he always delivers his package.
    9. The pilot because he takes off fast and then slows down.
    10. The hunter because he always goes deep in the bush, shoots twice and always eats what he shoots.

  23. Posted · Report reply

    Vodka

    Two nuns went into an off-licence and bought a bottle of Vodka for Mother Superior’s constipation.

    They returned pissed out of their skulls asking for another bottle. 

    The grocer said, “I thought that was for Mother Superior’s constipation?” 

    “It is,” they giggled:

    “when she sees us, she’ll shit herself.”

  24. Posted · Report reply

    Chinese Surprise

    A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the "Chicken Surprise". The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.

    Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.

    "Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband. He hadn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down..

    Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.

    "Please sir," says the waiter, "what did you order?"

    The husband replies, "Chicken Surprise."

    "Ah! So sorry," says the waiter,:

    "I bring you Peeking Duck."

    • Haha 1
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