Damn good definitions....

[uk666 5,298]

Damn good definitions.....

ADULTERY - The wrong people doing the right thing.
ALIMONY - The screwing you get for the screwing you got.
BABY - A hollow tube with a loud voice at one end and a complete lack of responsibility at the other end.
CANNIBAL - One who is apt to pass his best friend.
CHIVALRY - A man's inclination to defend a woman against every man but himself.
CONSCIENCE - That which hurts when everything else feels so good.
CONSTIPATION - To have and to hold.
COOKIE - A virgin doughnut.
DANCE - A naval engagement without the loss of seamen.
DIVORCE - What happens when two people cannot stomach each other any longer.
DECOY - A flashlight in the pants pocket.
DIARY - Book of revelations.
DOCTOR - A lucky fellow who is privileged to undress women and go all over them without getting his face slapped.
ENEMA - A goose with a gush.
EXPLORATION - Beating around the bush.
FATHER'S DAY - Nine months before labour day.
GENTLEMAN - One who is always careful to rest at least half his weight on his elbows.
GIGGALO - The egg that laid the golden goose.
GLAMOUR GIRL - A much publicized young thing who is full of oomf, and frequently full of other things; one who doesn't worry about the meat shortage.
HORSE SHOW - A lot of horses showing their asses to a lot of horses' asses showing their horses.
HUSBAND - What is left after the nerve has been killed.
KEPT WOMAN - One who wears mink all day and fox all night.
HUNG CHOW - Chinese constipation.
A KISS - Upper persuasion for lower invasion. Upstairs shopping for downstairs merchandise.
M*STURBATION - A solo played on a private organ.
METALLURGIST - A man who can look at a platinum blonde and tell whether she is virgin metal or a common ore.
MINUTE MAN - One who double parks while he visits a sporting house.
MORNING - The time of day when the rising generation retires, and the retiring generation arises.
MOTHER'S DAY - Nine months after father's day.
DONKEY BARBECUE - Where everybody gets a piece of ass.
NUN - A woman who aren’t never had none, don't want any, and aren’t going to get none.
NURSE - A pan handler.
NURSERY - A place to park last year’s fun until it grows up a bit.
PAPOOSE - Consolation prize for taking a chance on an Indian blanket.
PIMP - A crack salesman; a nookie bookie.
PREGNANCY - When a woman is all swelled up from her mate's handiwork.
RHUMBA - An asset to music.
SECRETARY - A stenographer who watches her periods.
SIN - Anything the other fellow enjoys and you don't.
SISSY - A man who gets out of the bath tub to take a leak.
SPRING FEVER - When the iron in your blood turns to lead in your pencil.
STORK - The bird that had none of the fun in bringing the babies.
TAXIDERMIST - A man who mounts animals.
TOMCAT - A ball bearing mouse trap.
TRIPLETS - Having to take seriously what was poked at you in fun.
VISE - Anything you enjoy that is bad for you.
VIRGINITY - A bubble on the stream of life, one prick and it's gone forever.
VIRGIN WOOL - Wool from a sheep that can outrun a sheep herder.