bmo

Now that is a big Ooops...

Why we shoot deer in the wild: (A letter from someone who wants to remain anonymous, who farms, writes well and actually tried this) I had this idea that I could rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it. The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that, since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home. I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were not having any of it.. After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up-- 3 of them. I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me. I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good hold. The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation. I took a step towards it, it took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope, and then received an education. The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope. That deer EXPLODED. The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight down with a rope and with some dignity. A deer-- no Chance. That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had originally imagined. The only upside is that they do not have as much stamina as many other animals.. A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head. At that point, I had lost my taste for corn-fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope. I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing, and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual. Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in. I didn't want the deer to have to suffer a slow death, so I managed to get it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder - a little trap I had set before hand...kind of like a squeeze chute. I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I could get my rope back. Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite somebody, so I was very surprised when ..... I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist. Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you and slide off to then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head--almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts. The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective. It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds. I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now), tricked it. While I kept it busy tearing the tendons out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose. That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day. Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp... I learned a long time ago that, when an animal -like a horse --strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape. This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different strategy. I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run. The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head. Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down. Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head. I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away. So now I know why when people go deer hunting they bring a rifle with a scope......to sort of even the odds!! All these events are true so help me God...An Educated Farmer

Cute...

A Big Ooops...

Wow - you guys are great - thank you so much...

Awe - I failed...

There is more than one solution to this... Fun tho...

That was Fun...

Gutsy Kid... Spanking was next I'd presume..?

So-o cute... So-o Nice...

An Irish priest was transferred to Texas. Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new west Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station. The conversation went like this: "Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?" "And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann's Catholic Church. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn, would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of the matter?" Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit and recognizing the foreign accent, thought he would have a little fun with the good father, replied, "Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!" There was dead silence on the line for a long moment....... Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye, 'tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for me call."

Understanding Car Language... The daughter asks her father, "Dad, there is something that my boyfriend said to me that I didn't understand. He is soooo into his cars and he said that I have a beautiful chassis, lovely airbags and a fantastic bumper. Her Dad said, "You tell your boyfriend that, if he opens your hood and tries to check your oil with a dipstick, I will tighten his lug nuts so hard that his headlights will pop out and he will start leaking oil out of his exhaust pipe!"

Oops - that's the end of him...

Too Funny...

Oops.. A Newbie for the bldg...

Possibilities are endless for using by various agencies (Police, Fire, EMS, Neighbourhood Patrols, etc.) and even home use... Watch, use your imagination and be amazed...

These are currently 53 facts about music and musicians .... Harry Belafonte's 1956, Calypso, was the first album to sell 1,00,000 copies. 16 weeks at # 1 on the Billboard charts is the record, held by Mariah Carey and Boyz II Men for One Sweet Day (1995 - 1996) LeAnn Rimes's How Do I Live lasted 69 weeks in Billboard's Hot 100 (1996-1997) Michael Jackson's Bad Album had 5 number one songs, more than any other album. (1987-1988) Akon's Smack That debuted at # 95 in October, 2006. The next week it was number seven. That jump of 88 positions was the single biggest jump in Billboard's history. In April of 1964, The Beatles held the top 5 positions on the Billboard Charts. #1 - Can't Buy Me Love, #2 - Twist and Shout, #3 - She Loves You, #4 - I Want to Hold Your Hand, #5 - Please Please Me In February 2006, High School Musical generated the most simultaneous Hot 100 entries from any album, with nine songs in the Hot 100 simultaneously, five of them in the Top 40. This was based on downloads and sales: there was no significant radio airplay for any of the songs from this Disney Channel movie. James Brown had 99 Hot 100 Billboard entries, yet never had a number one Hot 100 hit. When rural Pakistani folksinger Zarsanga sings in public, fans routinely mark the choruses of her most popular Peshto-language songs with mass shotgun-firing. The airplane Buddy Holly died in was the "American Pie." (Thus the name of the Don McLean song. Hang On Sloopy is the official rock song of Ohio. Michael Jackson's Thriller, is the biggest selling album of all time. MTV went live August 1st, 1981. The first video was "Radio Killed the Radio Star" by the Buggles. Cydney Lauper sang the theme song for "Pee Wee's Playhouse". Eddie Van Halen performs the guitar solo in Michael Jackson's "Beat It". Compact Discs (CDs) were first introduced in 1983. Wham! was the first pop group to perform in China. By 1983, MTV was airing as many as 300 music videos a day. It was way back in 1857 that Leon Scott (a French scientist) found a way to record sound on to paper that had been blackened with candle wax. This invention was called a ‘phonoautograph'. Twenty years later the phonograph was invented by Thomas Edison. It recorded the sound on to wax cylinders. It was 1952 when the first UK singles charts appeared. Listing only the sales of 78s. The first number one on the chart was Here In My Heart by Al Martino. Roger Daltrey (he of the ‘Who' fame) sang the song that was used as the theme tune for the TV programme CSI: Crime Scene Investigation. He also appeared in one episode as a Vegas boss called Mickey Dunn. The Droogs, Moloko, Orange Mecanique, Malchicks and Heaven 17 all took their names from the film ‘A Clockwork Orange'. The Jackie Wilson song ‘Reet Petite' was originally released in 1957 but eventually hit number one in the UK charts in 1986. 29 years and 42 days after the original release. Louis Armstrong holds the record of oldest chart topper. Having reached number one in the UK in 1968 with the song ‘What A Wonderful World'. He was 67 at the time. Simon & Garfunkel, one of the most famous duos of all time, were originally called Tom & Jerry. The first song recorded by rocker Jon Bon Jovi was actually a song called ‘R2-D2: We Wish You A Merry Christmas' for an album called the Star Wars Christmas Album. He was only 17 at the time. Diana Ross appeared on at least one hit single every year between 1964 and 1996, an incredible 33 years. When the Yardbirds broke up in 1968, Jimmy Page was left to honor the band's commitments, performing as The New Yardbirds. The group eventually evolved into Led Zeppelin. At age 47, the Rolling Stones' bassist, Bill Wyman, began a relationship with 13-year old Mandy Smith, with her mother's blessing. Six years later, they were married, but the marriage only lasted a year. Not long after, Bill's 30-year-old son Stephen married Mandy's mother, age 46. That made Stephen a stepfather to his former stepmother. If Bill and Mandy had remained married, Stephen would have been his father's father-in-law and his own grandpa. Most toilets flush in E flat. The rock band Lynyrd Skynyrd took their name from a high school teacher named Leonard Skinner who had suspended several students for having long hair. Dark Side of The Moon (a Pink Floyd album) stayed on the top 200 Billboard charts for 741 weeks! That is 14 years. Mr. Mojo Risin" is an anagram for Jim Morrison. No one knows where Mozart is buried. Tommy James was in a New York hotel looking at the Mutual of New York building’s neon sign flashing repeatedly: M-O-N-Y. He suddenly got the inspiration to write his #1 hit, 'Mony Mony' Tickets for Frank Sinatra's first solo performance at the Paramount Theatre in New York City in 1942, sold for 35 cents each. The Granny Smith apple was used as the symbol for the Beatles' Apple Records label. *****W Communications paid $28 million for the copyright to the song "Happy Birthday". The Beatles played the Las Vegas Convention Center in 1964. Some 8,500 fans paid just $4 each for tickets. The song with the longest title is 'I’m a Cranky Old Yank in a Clanky Old Tank on the Streets of Yokohama with my Honolulu Mama Doin’ Those Beat-o, Beat-o Flat-On-My-Seat-o, Hirohito Blues' written by Hoagy Carmichael in 1943. He later claimed the song title ended with "Yank" and the rest was a joke. Nick Mason is the only member of Pink Floyd to appear on all of the band's albums. In every show that Tom Jones and Harvey Schmidt (The Fantasticks) did there was at least one song about rain. Beethoven's Fifth, was the first symphony to include trombones. Brian Epstein, a record store owner in London, was asked by a customer for a copy of the record, "My Bonnie", by a group known as The Silver Beatles. He didn’t have it in stock so he went to the Cavern Club to check out the group. He signed to manage them in a matter of days and renamed them The Beatles. In 1976 Rodrigo's 'Guitar Concierto de Aranjuez' was No 1 in the UK for only three hours because of a computer error. Elvis Presley received his U.S. army discharge on March 5, 1960. The Japanese national anthem is expressed in only four lines. The Greek anthem runs 158 verses. At age 15, Jerry Garcia swapped his birthday accordion for an electric guitar. If you played all of the Beatles’ singles and albums that came out between 1962 and 1970 back to back, it would only last for 10 hours and 33 minutes. At age 4, Mozart composed a concerto for the clavier. At age 22, Jerry Lee Lewis married for the third time. His bride? His thirteen year old cousin. The most recorded song of all time - with more than 2,000 versions - is 'Yesterday'. Included on the 'Help!' soundtrack, it was number one for four weeks in 1965 ....

Just Maybe a Miracle Has Touched This Little Girl's mind and hand... Since age 4 she has been sketching and since 5 years old painting with such stunning precision it is hard to say that a Higher Authority's hand is not involved..! Watch the video - you'll be amazed as I was... https://www.chonday.com/29213/

I can relate to that...

Touche pusscat...

Good return punch...

They're back -- the wonderful church bulletins! Thank God for the church ladies with their typewriters or keyboards! These sentences (read carefully) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at the church services. Enjoy! ----- The Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals. ----- Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. ----- The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching For Jesus." ----- Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. ----- Don't let worry kill you off -- let the Church help. ----- Miss Charlene Mason sang "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. ----- For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. ----- Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get. ----- Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. ----- A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. ----- At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice. ----- Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. ----- Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered. ----- The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. ----- Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM. Prayer and medication to follow. ----- The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. ----- This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. ----- The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. ----- Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM Please use the back door. ----- The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. ----- Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. ----- The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge -– Up Yours." -----

Reflections... After Monday and Tuesday even the Calendar says - W T F... I have to stop saying "How Stupid Can You Be" People are starting to take it as a challenge.! Sign seen on the back of a Horse Trailer, Caution floor covered with Political Promises. People say drinking Milk makes you stronger.! I drink 5 glasses of Milk and try and move a wall.. I can't.! I then drink 5 glasses of wine. The wall moves by itself.! If I refuse to Nap... Is that resisting A Rest.? If you mated a Bulldog and a Shitzu... Would it be called a Bullshit.? Exercise: 1 - Place a concrete block on the floor... 2 - Walk around it twice... 3 - Sit down - relax... You have just walked around the block 2 times..! Common Sense is a flower that doesn't grow in everyone's garden.. They had to get a translator in at the Benefits Office today... Somebody came in speaking English.!

The value of a Catholic education and a #2 pencil. Little Susie was not the best student in Catholic School . Usually she slept through the class. One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping. 'Tell me Susie, who created the universe?' When Susie didn't stir, little Jack who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear. 'God Almighty!' shouted Susie. The Nun said, 'Very good' and continued teaching her class. A little later the Nun asked Susie, 'Who is our Lord and Savior?' But Susie didn't stir from her slumber. Once again, little Jack came to her rescue and stuck her in the butt. 'Jesus Christ!!!' shouted Susie. And the Nun once again said, 'Very good,' and Susie fell back asleep. The Nun asked her a third question...'What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?' Again, Jack came to the rescue. This time Susie jumped up and shouted, 'If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!' The Nun fainted.

From The London Times: A Well-Planned Retirement Outside England’s Bristol Zoo there is a parking lot for 150 cars and 8 buses. For 25 years, its parking fees were managed by a very pleasant attendant.... The fees for cars ($1.40), for buses (about $7). Then, one day, after 25 solid years of never missing a day of work, he just didn't show up; so the zoo management called the city council and asked it to send them another parking agent. The council did some research and replied that the parking lot was the zoo's own responsibility. The zoo advised the council that the attendant was a city employee. The city council responded that the lot attendant had never been on the city payroll. Meanwhile, sitting in his villa somewhere on the coast of Spain, or France, or Italy; is a man who'd apparently had a ticket booth installed completely on his own and then had simply begun to show up every day, commencing to collect and keep the parking fees, estimated at about $560 per day -- for 25 years. Assuming 7 days a week, this amounts to just over $7 million dollars... and no one even knows his name.