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Animal Capturing Service The director of a local municipal zoo, was quite unhappy to find that the large aggressive Ape had broken free from his cage and was roaming throughout the city. While expert at caring for animals, had had no experience in capturing them. The zoo director looked in the Yellow Pages and found a listing for the Animal Capturing Service. He called them and within 1 hour, their truck arrived at the zoo. A small man emerged from the truck and rushed to the director, who was waiting at the door. “Is there a wooded area in the neighbourhood?” the little man asked. The director said there was, about a half mile away. “Hop in the truck,” the little man said. The director did and they drove off. Minutes later they arrived at a small grove and immediately spotted the ape in a tree on a branch. The two men got out, went to the back of the truck, and the little man opened the door. An excited little dog jumped out and began running around in circles. The little man took out a suitcase out of the truck, in the suitcase were a pair of handcuffs, a baseball bat, and a sawed-off shotgun. “Now,” the little man said, “I’m going up into the tree with the baseball bat, and I’m going to knock the ape out of the tree. The instant the ape hits the ground, the dog will grab the ape by the crotch. The ape, instantly and instinctively, will grab at his crotch with both hands. You snap the handcuffs on and we’ve got him.” The zoo director, said, “I’m not too sure about this. What’s the gun for?” The little man said, “Look, I’m an expert. I know what I’m doing and things will go just fine. After all, I have the baseball bat. I know my job and it’ll never happen. But if the ape should, by any chance, manage to knock me out of the tree……. shoot the dog!”

Facebook takes data from my phone – but I don't have an account!' Users finds mobile apps can't be cut or quieted Anyone who uses the Facebook phone app knows what a toll it can take both on your mobile data and free time to be plugged into the social network through your device. But what happens if you don't even have an account, you can't remove the app, and the social network won't leave you alone? That's a problem facing folks around the world. One Register reader told us this week the Facebook apps on his Sprint LG handset are transmitting mysterious information in the background back to Facebook's servers, even though he doesn't have an account with the social network, isn't therefore logged in, and has repeatedly tried to turn off background data. And the software cannot be removed without, presumably, unlocking or rooting the device. "Since these are system apps, they can't be uninstalled. I can't even disable many of them," our reader, who wished to remain anonymous, said. "When I uninstall updates on these apps and disable their access to use data in the background, within minutes they have all somehow turned their ability to use background data back on and have reinstalled all the updates that I manually uninstalled." This comes as Facebook is given as a default application on phones, and as a result user cannot actually remove the app. That’s right, if you have a phone that came with Facebook pre-installed, you’re stuck with it – the only way to actually remove the app is through an arduous process. This process involves downloading software on your computer, putting this on a USB and completing an additional 13 steps, involving the input of various commands into the phone. theregister

A mental hospital After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the hospital director reviewed the rescuers file and called him into his office. "Mr. Haroldson, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that you’re ready to go home. I’m only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck." "Oh, he didn’t kill himself," Mr. Haroldson replied. "I hung him up to dry."