Short Jokes Post – Keep The Jokes Short And Funny

[uk666 5,298]

Name a popular state that most people live in.

 

.....Depression

[uk666 5,298]

Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

 

.....She stole his heart.

[uk666 5,298]

How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

 

.....He gave her a ring.

[uk666 5,298]

Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

 

.....Because he wanted sweet dreams.

[uk666 5,298]

What did one volcano say to the other?

 

.....I lava you.

[uk666 5,298]

Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

 

....On the bottom.

[uk666 5,298]

What did the flag say to the pole?

 

.....Nothing, it just waved.

[uk666 5,298]

What did one egg say to the other egg?

 

.....Let’s get crackin!

[uk666 5,298]

Why didn’t the skeleton go to the ball?

 

.....Because he had no BODY to go with.

[uk666 5,298]

Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

 

.....Because you can see right through them!

[uk666 5,298]

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

 

.....Frostbite.

[uk666 5,298]

Why do the guards around Big Ben always look so tired?

 

.....Because they're working around the clock.

[uk666 5,298]

5 out of 6 scientists say.....

 

.....that Russian roulette is safe.

[Tech 425 3,942]

My Daughter turned 15 yesterday and I took her to the DMV to get her learning permit

 

Well I had all the info the driving manual said, But they said we also need your 1st born child - Wait a minute I have only one child

 

Well sorry Sir, if you only have 1 child then she doesn't get a permit  

[uk666 5,298]

What do you call a fake noodle?

 

.....An impasta!

[uk666 5,298]

Did you hear about the Italian chef that died?

 

.....He pasta way. 

[uk666 5,298]

Apparently, someone in Chicago gets stabbed every 52 seconds....

....poor guy.

[uk666 5,298]

How do you make gold soup?

....Put 24 carrots in it.

[uk666 5,298]

I thought opening a door for a woman was polite

.....But she just screamed and flew out of the plane.

[uk666 5,298]

A man is watching tv and starts yelling "No! No! DONT GO IN THE CHURCH!!!"

 

The wife from another room asks: "honey what are you watching?"

 

Husband: our wedding video

[uk666 5,298]

Why is sex like software?

For everyone who pays for it, there are hundreds getting it for free.

[uk666 5,298]

If a woman drinks two glasses of wine a day, it increases the chances of a stroke by 50%

 

Let her finish the bottle and she'll probably suck it as well.

[uk666 5,298]

What's the stupidest animal in the Jungle?

 

A Polar Bear

[uk666 5,298]

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.

 

At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE . God is watching.'

 

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

 

A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples

[uk666 5,298]

Life is like toilet paper…

 

… you're either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole.