Short Jokes Post – Keep The Jokes Short And Funny

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Father: Don't you think our son gets his brains from me…Mother: Probably, dear. I still have all of mine.

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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking."……The drunk says "Okay, let's get started."

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A man came home to find his wife in bed with a stranger. "What the hell are you two doing?" He demanded. His wife turned to the stranger and said, "See, I told you he was stupid."

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When a girl tells you she has a nipple piercing, the correct response is always “I don’t believe you.”

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A bum came up to me saying, "I haven't eaten in two days!" I said, "You should force yourself!" 

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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. 

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What do you call a vegan with diarrhea......A salad shooter.

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How can you get high underwater......Sea weed

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When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

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Why did the little boy bury his flashlight.....Because the batteries died.

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What do you call a noodle that commits identity theft......An impasta!

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What do you call a guy who gets drinks for a fat girl in a nightclub……A bartender 

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How do you kill a circus clown……Go for the juggler

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Do you know what's great for instant messages…..Baseball bats

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What do you call a chubby girl on the phone……A Teletubby.

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Why was Cinderella taken out of the game by her manager…..Because she ran away from the ball

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Why is it a bad idea to play baseball in the jungle……Because there are too many cheetahs

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What position is Dracula on the baseball team.....He's the bat boy!

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Wife: Baby, I'm pregnant. What do you want it to be?

Husband: A joke

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Who are the coolest blokes at the hospital......The ultra-sound guys!

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Why did the leprechaun wear two condoms.....To be sure, to be sure
 

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A man suggests to his wife, "Darling, shall we try swapping positions tonight."

"That's a great idea," she replies.

"Why don't you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and break wind."

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A man says to his new girlfriend: "Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you really badly."

"Well," she replies, "You succeeded."

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One entrepreneur says to another: "I've just been in the Far East prospecting for gold."

"Japan?" asks the second entrepreneur.

"Gosh, no," he replies. "I used much more scientific methods."

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A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says......Sorry, we don't serve food in here.