Leaderboard

die

Push A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. "Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed. "Who was that?" asked his wife. "Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers. "Did you help him?" she asks. "No, I did not, it’s 3am in the morning and it’s well pouring with rain out there!" "Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can’t you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! "God loves drunk people too you know." The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?" "Yes," comes back the answer. "Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband. "Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark. "Where are you?" asks the husband. "Over here on the swing," replied the drunk.

The Dangers of Bread A recent Cincinnati Enquirer headline read, "Smell of baked bread may be health hazard." The article went on to describe the dangers of the smell of baking bread. The main danger, apparently, is that the organic components of this aroma may break down ozone. This is horrifying. When are we going to do something about bread- induced global warming? Sure, we attack tobacco companies, but when is the government going to go after Big Bread? Well, we've done a little research, and what we've discovered should make anyone think twice about bread. 1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread eaters. 2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardised tests. 3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever and influenza ravaged whole nations. 4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread. 5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average bread consumers, eat more bread than that in one month! 6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low occurrence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease and osteoporosis. 7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after only two days. 8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter and even cold cuts. 9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person. 10. New-born babies can choke on bread. 11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute. 12. Most bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling. In light of these frightening statistics, we propose the following bread restrictions: No sale of bread to minors. No advertising of bread within 1000 feet of a school. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread. No animal or human images, nor any primary colours (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage. Fined the biggest bread manufacturers. Please send this on to everyone you know, who cares about this type of crucial issues.

his

when

horribly

Hidden Camera Reveals Toddler's Adorable Escape Method Arizona parents Chris and Nina Cardinal were puzzled to find their daughter Chloe wandering the halls in the morning since she was supposed to be asleep in her room with the door closed. At just 15 months old, she can’t reach the doorknob. Chloe likes to feed the family’s golden retrievers, Colby and Bleu, they were busting her out in hopes that she’d deliver the goods. “They figured she must be good to help feed them breakfast,” the couple wrote on YouTube. Colby and Bleu have their own Instagram page, where they are known as the “Cheese Pups.”

Proverbs Finished by Kids A first grade teacher collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest. The funny thing is how true and honest these are. As you shall make your bed, so shall you .... Mess it up. Better be safe than .... Punch a 5th grader. Strike while the .... Bug is close. It's always darkest before .... Daylight savings time. Never under estimate the power of .... Termites. You can lead a horse to water, but .... How? Don't bite the hand that .... Looks dirty. No news is .... Impossible. A miss is as good as a .... Mr. You can't teach an old dog new .... Math. If you lie down with the dogs, you'll .... Stink in the morning. Love all, Trust .... Me. The pen is mightier than the .... Pigs. An idle mind is .... The best way to relax. Where there's smoke, there's .... Pollution. Happy is the bride who .... Gets all the presents! A penny saved is .... Not much. Two's company, three's .... The Musketeers. Don't put off tomorrow what .... You put on to go to bed. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, Cry and .... You have to blow your nose. Children should be seen and Not .... Spanked or Grounded. If at first you don't succeed .... get new batteries. You get out of something what you .... See pictured on the box. When the blind leadeth the blind .... Get out of the way. There Is No Fool Like... Aunt Edie.

to

then

Excuse me Sir, Can I have the Funny Section

Jogging In The Park Puzzle Starting from the red dot a jogger ran through all the avenues of the park once without passing twice on the same track. Hint: Solution: The solution seems trivial, however only 20% of people may find the correct answer. Did you solve the puzzle? Was it easy? Tell us in the section below!