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Things Your Burglar Won't Tell You Of course, I look familiar. I was here just last week cleaning your carpets, painting your shutters, or delivering your new refrigerator. Hey, thanks for letting me use the bathroom when I was working in your yard last week. While I was in there, I unlatched the back window to make my return a little easier. Love those flowers. That tells me you have taste, and taste means there are nice things inside. Those yard toys your kids leave out always make me wonder what type of gaming system they have. Yes, I really do look for newspapers piled up on the driveway. And, I might leave a pizza flyer in your front door to see how long it takes you to remove it. If it snows while you're out of town, get a neighbour to create car and foot tracks into the house. Virgin snowdrifts in the driveway are a dead give-away. If decorative glass is part of your front entrance, don't let your alarm company install the control pad where I can see if it's set. That makes it too easy. A good security company alarms the window over the sink and the windows on the second floor, which often access the master bedroom, and your jewellery. It's not a bad idea to put motion detectors up there, too. It's raining, you're fumbling with your umbrella, and you forget to lock your door, understandable. But, understand this: I don't take a day off because of bad weather. I always knock first. If you answer, I'll ask for directions somewhere or offer to clean your gutters. Do you really think I won't look in your sock drawer? I always check dresser drawers, the bedside table, and the medicine cabinet. Here's a helpful hint: I almost never go into kids' rooms. You're right: I won't have enough time to break into that safe where you keep your valuables. But, if it's not bolted down, I'll take it with me. A loud TV or radio can be a better deterrent than the best alarm system. Sometimes, I carry a clipboard. Sometimes, I dress like a lawn guy and carry a rake. I do my best to never, ever look like a crook. The two things I hate most: loud dogs and nosy neighbours. I'll break a window to get in, even if it makes a little noise. If your neighbour hears one loud sound, he'll stop what he's doing and wait to hear it again. If he doesn't hear it again, he'll just go back to what he was doing. It's human nature. I'm not complaining, but why would you pay all that money for a fancy alarm system and leave your house without setting it? I love looking in your windows. I'm looking for signs that you're home. I'll drive or walk through your neighbourhood at night, before you close the blinds, just to pick my targets. Avoid announcing your vacation on your Facebook page. It's easier than you think to look up your address. To you, leaving that window open just a crack during the day is a way to let in a little fresh air. To me, it's an invitation. If you don't answer when I knock, I try the door. Occasionally, I hit the jackpot and walk right in. Sources: Convicted burglars in North Carolina, Oregon, California, and Kentucky; security consultant Chris McGoey and Richard T. Wright, a criminology professor at the University of Missouri-St. Louis, who interviewed 105 burglars for his book "Burglars on the Job."

A recent research shows that there are seven kinds of sex The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face. The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so horny you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen. The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom. The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway, you both say, "screw you." The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex, which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. The 6th kind of sex is called: Courtroom Sex. This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in the front of everyone. And last, but not the least, the 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security Sex. You get a little each month but not enough to live on!

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