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Chemist A pharmacist walked into his shop to find a man leaning against the wall. "What's wrong with him?" he asked his assistant. "He came in for cough syrup but I couldn't find any so I gave him an entire bottle of laxatives”. “you are an idiot" said the chemist "You can't treat a cough with laxatives" "Of course, you can" the assistant replied, "Look at him, he's too scared to cough now!"

Chicken Farmer A chicken farmer went to a local bar…. Sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne. The woman perks up and says, ‘How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!’ ‘What a coincidence’ the farmer says. ‘This is a special day for me…. I am celebrating’ ‘This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!’ says the woman. ‘What a coincidence!’ says the farmer! As they clinked glasses the man asked, ‘What are you celebrating?’ ‘My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynaecologist told me that I am pregnant!’ ‘What a coincidence,’ says the man. ‘I’m a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.’ ‘That’s great!’ says the woman. ‘How did your chickens become fertile?’ ‘I used a different c*ck,’ he replied. The woman smiled and said, ‘What a coincidence.’

hahaha.. oh god missed, frickin hilarious.. good one uk..