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Animal Capturing Service The director of a local municipal zoo, was quite unhappy to find that the large aggressive Ape had broken free from his cage and was roaming throughout the city. While expert at caring for animals, had had no experience in capturing them. The zoo director looked in the Yellow Pages and found a listing for the Animal Capturing Service. He called them and within 1 hour, their truck arrived at the zoo. A small man emerged from the truck and rushed to the director, who was waiting at the door. “Is there a wooded area in the neighbourhood?” the little man asked. The director said there was, about a half mile away. “Hop in the truck,” the little man said. The director did and they drove off. Minutes later they arrived at a small grove and immediately spotted the ape in a tree on a branch. The two men got out, went to the back of the truck, and the little man opened the door. An excited little dog jumped out and began running around in circles. The little man took out a suitcase out of the truck, in the suitcase were a pair of handcuffs, a baseball bat, and a sawed-off shotgun. “Now,” the little man said, “I’m going up into the tree with the baseball bat, and I’m going to knock the ape out of the tree. The instant the ape hits the ground, the dog will grab the ape by the crotch. The ape, instantly and instinctively, will grab at his crotch with both hands. You snap the handcuffs on and we’ve got him.” The zoo director, said, “I’m not too sure about this. What’s the gun for?” The little man said, “Look, I’m an expert. I know what I’m doing and things will go just fine. After all, I have the baseball bat. I know my job and it’ll never happen. But if the ape should, by any chance, manage to knock me out of the tree……. shoot the dog!”

Fun things to do Whenever you are next bored, or feel like being annoying, here are some cool things to do. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN." Develop an unnatural fear of staplers. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso. In the memo field of all your checks, write "FOR SEXUAL FLAVORS". Finish all your sentences with, "In accordance with the prophecy." don’t use any punctuation As often as possible, skip rather than walk. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go". Sing along at the opera. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme. Put mosquito netting around your cubicle at work. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard. When the money comes out of the cash machine, scream "I Won! I Won! Third time this week!" When leaving the zoo, run towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!" Pay off your MasterCard with your Visa. Pop some popcorn without putting on the lid. When someone says, "Have a nice day," tell them you have other plans. Send yourself a CandyGram. Have a tea party with your pets. Make a list of things to do that you have already done. Put your toddler's clothes on backwards and send him to school as if nothing was wrong. Write checks with Roman numerals. Write "Out to lunch" on your forehead. Leaf through a National Geographic and draw clothes on everybody. Drive to the store in reverse. Start a nasty rumour and see if you recognise it when it comes back to you. Read the dictionary backwards and look for hidden messages. Bill your doctor for time spent in the waiting room. Stare at people through the points of a fork and pretend they're in jail. Make up a language and stop someone to ask for directions. Write a short story using alphabet soup. Talk to your fish. Kill roaches with a monkey wrench while playing Wagnerian arias. Start conversations with the words, "Did you ever wonder why..." Burn all your waste paper while eyeing your roommate suspiciously. Buy a complete set of Transformers. Play with them loudly. If people comment, tell them with a straight face, "There's more to them than meets the eye." Read this.

Farmer buys a rooster A farmer decided that he needed to go into town to buy a new rooster, since his current one was getting too old, and none of the hens were laying any eggs. So, the new rooster gets brought back to the farm, and runs into the cunning old rooster. The devious old one says to the young rooster "Listen bud, the hens will only accept you after you have earning the right" "How can I earn it?" asked the young rooster, eager to learn. "You only have to beat me in a race around the chicken's coop." So, the race started, and the old rooster got an early lead. But when the crafty old rooster had almost reached the finish line, he slowed down and the young rooster started to catching up, and was only a few inches behind, when the farmer shot the young rooster dead in his tracks. "God dammit!" yelled the farmer. "That's the third gay rooster I purchase this week!"

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Atari VCS throwback console attracts $2m in pre-orders It's the latest attempt to cash in on gamers' nostalgia - a throwback console that promises "100+" classic games built in, with new online play. Pre-orders for the Atari VCS went into overdrive on Wednesday, with a campaign on crowdfunding site Indiegogo raising more than $2m (£1.5m). That's well in excess of the $100,000 the company was aiming for, and a remarkable endorsement of the long-lasting appeal of the Atari brand. So, what do I get? Powered by an AMD Bristol Ridge processor and Radeon R7 graphics alongside 4GB of RAM and 32GB of storage, the machine will be able to push 4K HDR graphics at 60 frames per second to play “the latest modern and indie PC titles” from a variety of developers. With Internet connectivity, it’ll also serve as a streaming set-top box for the living room and a web browser. The design and branding are reminiscent of the Atari 2600, the 1977 console credited with popularising the use of game cartridges. Originally named the Atari VCS before a rebranding in 1982, the console was a sizeable mainstream success, and came to be seen as a mainstay of the video gaming industry at large. There are two Atari VCS models now available for per-order, with the standard Onyx version taking orders at $199, and a classier Day One Collector’s Edition (with a genuine wood front) coming in at $299. Both are marked as on sale for a limited time only. They should be compatible with a wide range of peripherals and controllers, though anyone placing an order should receive a “re-imagined Classic Joystick” alongside a more contemporary “Modern Controller”, Atari says in a press release. The console also differs from modern rivals by running on a custom Linux operating system, which apparently will allow users to add and customise their own software in some regard. 'Weakness for nostalgia' The Atari VCS is a more ambitious effort, promising not only retro gaming but new titles and other entertainment features. According to a promotional video, the console will also offer a voice assistant. But its primary selling point will be the chance to play some of the games that paved the way to the multi-billion dollar games industry we know today. "Despite the stereotype, gamers aren't all kids playing Fortnite instead of doing their homework," said Rachel Weber, senior editor at GamesRadar+. "They're adults with serious disposable income and a weakness for nostalgia. Nintendo already proved there's a demand for an easy way to play older games with the NES and SNES Classic Editions, so it's no surprise that Atari wants to cash in too." The console made a brief appearance at this year's Games Developers Conference - but attendees were only able to look at the console, not play it. But thousands of backers have decided to put trust in the team to hit their target of shipping the product by May 2019.

this is just awesome.. i luv that they brought back the snes and genesis too..

Marriage Gone Wrong A couple whose marriage was going on the rocks, sought the advice of a experienced marriage counsellor. The counsellor pleaded with them to patch up their quarrel, but they were adamant. So, said the counsellor, you know the consequences and you still want to part, but remember you must divide all your property equally. The wife flared up. "You mean the $4,000 I have saved up; I must give him half? But it’s my money?" "Yes," said the counsellor. "He gets $2,000. You get to keep $2,000." "What about my furniture? I paid for that." said the wife "Same thing," answered the counsellor. "Your husband gets the bedroom and the living room; you get the dining room and the kitchen." There was a challenging gleam in the wife's eye and she said "What about our three children?" That stumped the counsellor. Shrewdly he assayed the situation, then he came up with a Solomonic answer. "Go back and live together until your fourth child is born. Then you take two children and your husband takes two." The wife shook her head. "No. If I depended on him, I wouldn't have the three that 1 already got."

oh rough.. lol..

And it is his 4th..?? Arrogance at its peak...

Awesome Small Scale Sidewalk Chalk Art by David Zinn!

Name: tsonos Location: Under Raedwulf's Post...

Name = Rædwulf Country = USA