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My wife left me... and I don't understand After the last child was born, she told me we had to cut back on expenses - I had to give up drinking beer. I was not a big drinker, maybe a 12-pack on weekends. Anyway, I gave it up but I noticed the other day when she came home from grocery shopping, the receipt included $45 for make-up. I said, "Wait a minute I've given up beer and you haven't given up anything!" She said, "I buy that make-up for you, so I can look pretty for you." I told her, "Hell, that's what the beer was for!" I don't think she'll be back.

The Pilot and the Pastor A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket and jeans. Saint Peter addresses this cool guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven? "The guy replies, "I'm Peter Pilot, retired Delta Airlines Pilot from Miami." Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the pilot, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom." The pilot goes into Heaven with his robe and staff. Next, it's the minister's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's in Pasadena for the last 43 years." Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom. ""Just a minute," says the minister, "that man was a pilot and he gets a silken robe and golden staff, and I get only cotton and wood? How can this be?"" Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter, "While you preached, people slept; while he flew - - people prayed.

Egypt Sarcophagus: Mysterious Granite Box Is Finally Opened Speculation and mystery have surrounded the strange black granite box since it was found in Alexandria earlier this month. Some even suggested that it should not be opened, for fear that it could unleash a hideous curse. It was found next to a giant alabaster head that served only to deepen the mystery of what was inside. Now archaeologists have prised open the eldritch box to find it was filled with dirty water and three skeletons, according to Egypt's Ministry of Antiquities. The water probably found its way into the box from a sewage trench, the ministry said. It may have caused the mummies to decompose and leave only their skeletons. The bodies are probably those of warriors. One of the them appears to have a wound that is the result of being hit by an arrow, experts said. Local reports suggested that officials from the Ministry of Antiquities mocked suggestions that the sarcophagus could unleash evil forces or curses when opened. In fact, it appeared to contain little of any note. There were no inscriptions or objects inside the coffin that would suggest the bodies belonged to members of an ancient royal family, for instance. Some had hoped that the tomb could contain the body of Alexander The Great, which would help solve one of antiquity's greatest mysteries. But there is nothing to suggest that any of the skeletons belong to that famed warrior and empire builder. Alexander's body has never been found. He asked for his corpse to be thrown into the Euphrates river – but speculation has been rife ever since that his body was actually disposed of in a tomb, and that it is still lying waiting to be found. Either way it is incredibly rare to find an unopened sarcophagus in Alexandria. Anyone planning to build in the city must first have archaeologists inspect the site, and while they occasionally find sarcophagi they have usually been looted. The skeletons will now be removed from the site and sent to the National Museum of Alexandria, the ministry said. The sarcophagus will also be removed from the site once it is checked over and repaired.

Fun and frivolity watching the Tour de France – in pictures By the time the Tour de France finishes in Paris on 29 July, millions of fans will have lined the 2,000-mile route. From the Vendée plains to Alpine summits, spectators will be cheering the world’s best road cyclists.

Makes sense to me...

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very interesting.. thank u..

ur very welcome.. need anymore help, please feel free to ask or PM me..

21 important philosophical Questions Why is it only drug dealers and software developers call their clients 'users'? Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra? Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? How is it possible to have a civil war? If God dropped acid, would he see people? If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too? If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry? If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? Why hemorrhoids are called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"? Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them? Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? Where are we going? And what's with this handbasket? If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of the stuff? Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said, "If I tell you, it would defeat the purpose. If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they still working? Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims? If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? OK, so what's the speed of dark?