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Bee Stung A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, “You are back early, what’s wrong?” “I was stung by a bee!” she said. “Where?” he asked. “Between the first and second hole.” she replied. He nodded and said, “Your stance is far too wide.”

Ugly Suit When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk had some very good news for him. "Guess what, sir?" the clerk said. "I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we've had so long!" "Do you mean that repulsive pink-and-blue double-breasted thing?!" the manager asked. "That's the one!" "That's great!" the manager cried, "I thought we'd never get rid of that monstrosity! That had to be the ugliest suit we've ever had! But tell me, why is your hand bandaged?" "Oh," the clerk replied, "after I sold the guy that suit, his seeing-eye dog bit me."

Find the hidden lollipop in this colorful ice cream puzzle People are struggling to find the hidden lollipop in this colorful ice cream puzzle. Hidden a single lollipop in a sea of ice cream cones. Take a look at the puzzle: Did you find the lollipop? If not, don't worry. Hint Hint 2 Answer Did you solve the puzzle? Was it easy? Tell us in the section below!

Puns, For the Educated Mind 1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Circumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. 2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian . 3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still. 4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption. 5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work. 6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery. 7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering. 8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart. 9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie. 10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. 11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it. 12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.' 14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then, it hit me. 15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, 'Keep off the Grass.' 16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.' 17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. 18. It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it. 19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. 20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran. 21. A backward poet writes inverse. 22. In democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes. 23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion. 24. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects.

Life by George Carlin (American comedian) Life is not as difficult as people think; all one needs is a good set of rules. Since it is probably too late for you, here are some guidelines to pass along to your children: 1. Relax and take it easy. Don't get caught up in hollow conceits such as "doing something with your life." Such twaddle is outmoded and a sure formula for disappointment. 2. Whatever it is you pursue, try to do it just well enough to remain in the middle third of the field. Keep your thoughts and ideas to yourself and don't ask questions. Remember, the squeaky wheel is the first one to be replaced. 3. Size people up quickly, and develop rigid attitudes based on your first impression. If you try to delve deeper and get to "know" people, you're asking for trouble. 4. Don't fall for that superstitious nonsense about treating people the way you would like to be treated. It is a transparently narcissistic approach, and may be the sign of a weak mind. 5. Spend as much time as you can pleading and impressing others, even if it makes you unhappy. Pay special attention to shallow manipulators who can do you the most harm. Remember, in the overall scheme, you count for very little. 6. Surround yourself with inferiors and losers. Not only will you look good by comparison, but they will look up to you, and that will make you feel better. 7. Don't buy into the sentimental notion that everyone has shortcomings; it's the surest way of undermining yourself. Remember, the really best people have no defects. If you're not perfect, something is wrong. 8. If by some off chance you do detect a few faults, first, accept the fact that you are probably deeply flawed. Then make a list of your faults and dwell on them. Carry the list around and try to think of things to add. Blame yourself for everything. 9. Beware of intuition and gut instincts, they are completely unreliable. Instead, develop preconceived notions and don't waver unless someone tells you to. Then change your mind and adopt their point of view. But only if they seem to know what they're talking about. 10. Never give up on an idea simply because it is bad and doesn't work. Cling to it even when it is hopeless. Anyone can cut and run, but it takes a very special person to stay with something that is stupid and harmful. 11. Always remember, today doesn't count. Trying to make something out of today only robs you of precious time that could be spent daydreaming or resting up. 12. Try to dwell on the past. Think of all the mistakes you've made, and how much better it would be if you hadn't made them. Think of what you should have done, and blame yourself for not doing so. And don't go easy. Be really hard on yourself. 13. If by chance you make a fresh mistake, especially a costly one, try to repeat it a few times so you become familiar with it and can do it easily in the future. Write it down. Put it with your list of faults. 14. Beware also of the dangerous trap of looking ahead; it will only get you in trouble. Instead, try to drift along from day to day in a meandering fashion. Don't get side-tracked with some foolish "plan." 15. Finally, enjoy yourself all the time, and do whatever you want. Don't be seduced by that mindless chatter going around about "responsibility." That's exactly the sort of thing that can ruin your life.

Karma...

Widowhood In a dim, smoky room, the psychic turned the cards up one by one, and told her client the shocking truth: "There is no gentle way to tell you this, so I'll just say it. Prepare for widowhood. Your husband will die horribly and violently before the year is out." Noticeably disturbed, the client stared at the old mystic, then at the lone, wavering candle, and finally at the cards laid out before her. She breathed in deeply, trying to control her emotions. She had to find out the rest. She could not leave without knowing. She gazed intently at the old woman, prepared herself, and asked, "Is there any chance I'll be acquitted?"

Breaking News A couple hearing some breaking news. ‘’Government is giving £50,000 aid for families with 5 or more kids’’. But they had only 4 kids. The husband ran outside to the neighboring house and come back with a child. He explain to her wife, ‘’sorry but he is my kid, Now we have 5 kids and £50,000’’. But he found that there were no other kid in house. ‘’Where have all our children gone’’ he asked his wife? ‘’They fathers come and took them’’ she answers.

pft.. hahaha.. what a twist.. lol..

oh snap.. bad wife.. lol..

lmao.. crazy woman..